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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Utter snobbery

262 replies

ScattyPenny · 11/10/2018 17:17

This may be old news and I apologise if it's been done to death already. I know it's not a new thing.

My friend has a daughter who has just started at a prestigious Russell group uni. My son is at a regular uni.

My friend showed me pictures of her daughter wearing a T-Shirt on a night out bearing the slogan 'Your Dad works for my Dad'. It was for a student night out in which students from the local 'poly' and the 'proper' university were attending. Obviously it was an antagonistic slur on those attending the 'lower rated' university.

I'm from a working class background and struggled to get to university and I'm very proud of my achievements and of my son having got to where he is. I was the first in my family ever to get a degree and I went to a new university (old poly). I went to a state school and my parents worked hard but never in well-paid jobs.

AIBU to think that this smacks of class snobbery?

Many kids at decent universities will have got there through hard work and determination but many will have had the benefits of private education, middle class values and educated (and supportive) parents.

Personally I think it stinks. My friend however thought it was funny.

Sad as it sounds, the slogan probably rings true for many of the students. However, it must seem like a kick in the face in an 'I've got somewhere you'll get because you're poor' kind of way.

Sorry...just needed to vent.

OP posts:
Miljah · 12/10/2018 19:45

Of course people care what university you went to, or whether you went at all.

How disingenuous.

celticprincess · 12/10/2018 19:45

Awful snobby. The thing is, some unis don’t offer certain types of courses. If you want to be a nurse or a teacher and train where I live or trained the the old poly was the route. It was a lovely uni and my subject degree actually came from the proper university that was also in the city.
I am so uneducated I had to google Russell group universities. Wasn’t even a thing when I did my degree. Oxbridge was the thing a small % applied to from our state school. Now I’ve looked it’s interesting. I’m doing my masters at a non RG with the hope of training on a professional doctoral training course in the future. My current MSc is at the old poly uni but the doctorate will be at the RG - however the course is fully funded with a bursary/salary over the duration. I’m not applying because it’s RG, I’m applying because it’s the course I want.

DaphneDiligaf · 12/10/2018 19:48

I think too much over-thinking going on. Students regularly show poor judgement, sharing with a parent is silly, parent sharing it is pathetic

StoneofDestiny · 12/10/2018 20:14

Of course people care what university you went to, or whether you went at all. How disingenuous

Who cares? Perhaps on a job application - but can't imagine how it matters in any other way. I went to 3 universities, few of my friends would even know that. I can't even think of a conversation I've had with anybody about their university/non university life. My social group is a real mixed bag of pals - never comes up at all. I'm genuinely stunned by the 'of course people care' comment. When, why and for how long do they care?

lady412 · 12/10/2018 20:30

Probably going to be a very unpopular opinion..... but..This stuff is not new....even my dad (45) talks about his time in uni and pissing about with the poly lot.

As some who left a few years back this happens all the time and not 1 person attending would have even blinked an eye lid. Having been to a "poor" university and i come out with a Fab degree in which i can now go into my dream job, i can honestly say that the chants are pretty much the same.

"Your dad works for my dad" the come back was "at least he works you lazy tw*t".

"Ill get my dad to fire yours" the come back was "sorry who won the football again?" (Uni football teams....we won and had won for about 7year apperantly)

Its all a bit of fun and in jest...plus lets face it it was freshers week therefore she probably threw up on it a few hours later or left it somewhere :)

graysquirrel · 12/10/2018 20:34

None of this rings true with me, either unis have changed in last few years or I was lucky enough to have never/not encountered it in my academic or working life since.
I went to a RG uni. My friends and I were from similar backgrounds all first or second generation in family who attended uni. There was certainly no looking down on post92 unis.
I also now work in a role that analyses attributes of HE students and we find the student bodies are more diverse than they've ever been.
I also employ graduates in a professional role and information on the university the graduate attended is not on the application form (just their qualification which is of course what really matters).

So I'm sorry you have experienced this but I am hopeful this is certainly a minority view that you are witnessing.

Mamamanatee · 12/10/2018 20:50

I think too much over-thinking going on. Students regularly show poor judgement, sharing with a parent is silly, parent sharing it is pathetic
I agree

Valanice1989 · 12/10/2018 21:39

I know someone who attempted suicide due to bullying about going to an ex-poly. The people saying "you're just being oversensitive, lighten up" need to realise the impact it can have on people's mental health.

Mamamanatee · 12/10/2018 21:45

Tell that to the posters in the higher education section section! Lots on there obsessed with "ex polys" and what a waste of money they are.

Graphista · 12/10/2018 21:46

And more "it's just a joke" "it's self mockery" I say again these arguments would not be acceptable if the t-shirt slogans were regarding other prejudices, WHY Is it still considered acceptable to mock the poor? The less privileged? Simple answer - it's not! Not in jest, not when fuelled by intoxication, not in such a public way and I'm most disappointed that the unis being publicly represented in such a way think it AT ALL acceptable.

As I said before these are SUPPOSED to be well educated/informed people running these universities, yet they don't see fit to address this poor display of offensive snobbery with the students. That would put me right off sending any child of mine there! Regardless of how supposedly "prestigious" it's meant to be!

"There are a whole raft of cultural, social and structural barriers. Shit like this contributes massively." Exactly!!

"Inverse snobbery is just as bad as snobbery but on here, you’re allowed to be an inverse snob it seems" where's the inverse snobbery? I haven't seen any. Criticising this behaviour is not inverse snobbery. As I said before I have good friends from hugely different backgrounds but they're all decent caring people. Nothing class based in being a decent caring person, who doesn't feel the need to have YET ANOTHER GO at those less LUCKY than you, if you happen to come from a privileged background.

"Inverse snobbery isn't just as bad as snobbery (I say this as someone who went to a top university and is fairly middle class) because of the power differential." Agree with this too.

"Where it is more problematic is if there is a broader culture where people feel uncomfortable or that x uni isn’t for them" and what do you think creates that culture if not behaviour like this? It doesn't come out of nowhere!

LakieLady - not saying it can't/doesn't happen but generally it's true that extra tuition is needed. Not sure if the exams is much harder or if it's because the knowledge needed for the exam is not being taught in primary schools. Probably a combination.

And frankly I don't think laughing at the other child's failure is acceptable either. It's falling for the exact kind of divide and rule too many leaders of our society WANT us to be led into doing. Our success comes from supporting each other.

I fundamentally disagree with the essentially at least 3 tier education system we have in this country it's inherently unfair and prejudicial and further disadvantages those already facing many barriers.

The secondary modern I went to had a 6th form.

MartaTam - genuinely don't see the difference in what you said and what I believed that to mean. I also checked. Statistically state school students are less likely to be offered places at RG unis. Their argument is often due to entry requirements but that doesn't take into account that better off, private school educated students have had the advantage not only of a better education at secondary level but also more positive reinforcement and more support at home.

Reality is a student at a state secondary in a deprived area, with working class parents (whether employed or not), in poor housing, possibly also things like not getting a great diet or not being able to sleep well due to a cold house etc is less likely to attain as well as a student at a private school, in a well off area, with minimum mc parents, good quality housing, food etc, all necessary books and equipment provided and practical and moral support from engaged, well educated parents. That's basically what the wee cartoon Posted earlier explained.

I also made clear there are some state schools in very well off areas that are as good, in some cases better, than private schools. Because they're well funded (by well off parents and donators), attract better quality teachers and the students are well supported at home with engaged parents who are able to support the school both morally and financially.

A while back for another thread re MP's backgrounds, I was looking up the schools the current cabinet attended (there's been a reshuffle since) and those that didn't attend private school went to schools that are officially state, but in very wealthy areas that were to all intents and purposes private because of the influence of the wealthy locals including large donations. It's a strange set up.

Op you say your friend and her daughter are "really nice" you're basing that on personal interactions you've had where they will have been conscious of your different background. Actions speak louder than words though.

"This whole "handed to you on a plate" thing is a load of rubbish" completely disagree.

"Because the schools they went to had high expectations of them and made them work bloomin' hard to keep the grades up for their league tables. My school didn't care what you got" and the irony is THIS is exactly what is meant by the outlook you dismiss! THEIR schools encouraged them, expected high grades, yours in your own words "didn't care" that is more than enough of a barrier to many students.

"Nearly everyone there had better grades than me." - again - consider why.

"I regularly take part in recruitment to the Civil Service up to SEO" I've worked in the civil service and several relatives still do. This is a relatively low level you're talking about, middle management. More senior positions, particularly Westminster based, it does start to matter what school and uni you went to. Pretty obvious why it starts to matter at a certain "rank" too.

StoneofDestiny · 12/10/2018 22:13

Reality is a student at a state secondary in a deprived area, with working class parents (whether employed or not), in poor housing, possibly also things like not getting a great diet or not being able to sleep well due to a cold house etc is less likely to attain as well as a student at a private school, in a well off area, with minimum mc parents, good quality housing, food etc, all necessary books and equipment provided and practical and moral support from engaged, well educated parents

So how much more impressive this person would be who got to university despite their background and got the qualification necessary for the job - than one who 'sailed through the system on a crest of a wave'? Or consider the drive an individual must have who didn't get to university, but burst their guts to work through the glass ceilings to look you eye to eye across the 'office desk'.

Wafting what your dad achieved on a t shirt really wouldn't impress me (or the mentality behind it).

Hector2000 · 12/10/2018 22:16

I think we’ll see a time coming when universities have had their day - this kind of immaturity is not unusual and never seems to stop.

macblank · 12/10/2018 22:37

Not sure about Russel group uni's (not heard it round these parts).

I had friends at comp, that every year went on the foreign trips, while 95% of the school didn't. We were only jealous of the trip, not of the pupils.

Cos when it came to sports, they still rolled around in the same shitty sports field when tackled. Jumped in the same sand pit doing long jump etc.

I.also had friends who went to the local, ultra privileged private school (was ranked highly nationally) they weren't posh, and they didn't live up their own butts. When they got home, they worked on the farm same as me (I did it for.extra money... The farm was their parents), Inc mucking out and cleaning the udders. This kept them very grounded.

In.life you'll always get them that spend their lives up their own butts, still with silver spoon sticking out! lol my last senior manager was one such person. He never got that he'd never worked a day in his life, as he was a manager... But never a floor worker, straight from uni to management!

Relax, crash, rude, ignorant people exist, but they'll never know the huge fun of batting a balloon around the front room after a couple drinks... Just because.

toffee1000 · 12/10/2018 22:53

Graphista there is reverse snobbery on this thread. The OP herself implied that the RG students got “red carpet” access through “privilege”, and someone else mentioned RG students “only getting there because of Daddy” and that they’d “fuck it up because they’re thick”. Both of those fall in with the “rich people are all stupid” stereotype.

warmkitchenuser · 13/10/2018 01:13

Not very classy at all, and sadly that it just what they think they are.

AhhhhThatsBass · 13/10/2018 01:29

They are lots of wealthy parents who shamelessly play the state school system to he able to afford an extra ski holiday or for the kudos

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this whatsoever albeit I wouldn’t have worded it in the same way as you did. Why shouldn’t a wealthy family access state education for their children?

MadMadaMim · 13/10/2018 02:04

Totally agree. It's crass and vulgar but has nothing to do with the university she goes to. The young lady in question and her mother clearly have zero manners and very bad taste.

PS Russel Group are mostly quite ordinary unis that happen to be better than average in research.

My hometown uni is RG and I can assure you that it is lots of things but privileged /posh/full of private school and/or tutored students - absolutely not.

Maybe you are a little over sensitive (for good reason - your 'friend' sounds like a dick)...

agnurse · 13/10/2018 02:09

Some years ago I saw an ad promoting the trades. A father said the he wanted his daughter to go to university and become a lawyer or an accountant. She took an apprenticeship and became a tradesperson. Now she has a lawyer and an accountant working for her.

People used to tell me I was "settling" by becoming a nurse and not a doctor. Now I have a job where I'm very well paid, I get excellent benefits, my employer pays for my nursing license, and I get 3 months paid vacation a year. I only work 2 Saturdays a year and that's by choice. Some evenings, but no shifts that go later than 10:30 p.m. I doubt I would have had similar options as a physician.

SandyY2K · 13/10/2018 02:45

Only read up to page 4... but I have to say both t shirt types are silly and childish.

The your dad t shirt and the rather be a Poly than a c**t t-shirt.

The latter is actually worse IMO.

I don't see why your friend thought it was funny.

It's a fact that some Universities are more respected than others.

A friend told me she was at a graduate type recruitment event and when she said what Uni she graduated from.. she was asked "what are you doing here then?"

I worked for a law firm who would go for trainees from certain Universities over others. It's the reality.

Tarnishing all Or the majority of RG students negatively is equally stereotyping.

DDs friend...from a single parent family...living on a council estate...low income and a FSM pupil... gained admission to a RG uni to study medicine this year.

This is who the former Poly students are calling C**ts with the generalisation.

All the t shirts should be banned by the universities.

One would have thought this behaviour was left in the playground.

Monty27 · 13/10/2018 03:02

Snobbery? OP it's much more than that.
It's naevity twinned with arrogance notwithstanding utter contempt for those considered less fortunate.
It comes back to people later on in life you know?
Hmm

Vivaldi1678 · 13/10/2018 07:16

There were lots of places available through clearing at RG unis this year. Mots of them are expanding the student numbers to increase their income. With the exception of Oxbridge and possibly Durham, it really isn't that special to attend a RG uni these days.

Cardiganqueen71 · 13/10/2018 07:42

I’m honestly quite shocked at this. When (and if, as with that attitude they may struggle) they get into the workplace, they will find that the world has moved on. The City, for example, once the bastion of privately educated male privilege, is desperate to shed that image. I know as I work there and the difference in approach from when I started (state educated woman) twenty years ago is massive. An increase in diversity is on everyone’s agenda so an attitude like this is going to land them in a lot of trouble. And the fact that it even says “your father”, screams antediluvian crassness. I assume these girls don’t want to get a job, going to marry a man for their success?? Where is the “your mother works for my mother” t-shirt? God I could go on but they just sound horrible. As a senior manager I wouldn’t hire anyone with that attitude. Out of interest, what does your “friend” do for a living?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 13/10/2018 07:54

RG universities are much more diverse than in the past. They invest large amounts of money into widening participation schemes. However, there is still HUGE inequality and people from certain backgrounds are just not applying despite being more than capable. Attitudes like this are a huge contributing factor

Mooseknuckle · 13/10/2018 08:44

SandyY2K
"DDs friend...from a single parent family...living on a council estate...low income and a FSM pupil... gained admission to a RG uni to study medicine this year.

This is who the former Poly students are calling C**ts with the generalisation."

Maybe they are calling the people who take the piss out of them for attending an ex Poly, a cunt. Not generalising everyone. Because you are a bit of a cunt if you think your background or where you went to school/ University makes you better.

I went to an ex poly mention up thread. A woman joined our course partway through as she had taken a random degree just to get in over the road. Privately educated, and had been steered towards a RG. She was surprised how down to earth and friendly we were at Northumbria in comparison to her experience over the road. And the course was better for her.

I didn't really see the rivalry manifest in the T shirts maybe that was after I graduated. There was rivalry on the sports pitch. And I think the RG students were called Rah's. Light heartedly.

Had I experienced it I would have just laughed at them. I had unemployed parents at the time, (circumstances in the local area think heavy industry closures, lack of replacement jobs.) I would now be classed as Pupil Premium. But I chose an ex poly because I just preferred the course and the feel of the university I had offers from RG universities.
Also went to an ex poly to do a PGCE. My course was graded outstanding by Ofsted last year.

Back to the OP it's not a nice T shirt, it speaks volumes about the person wearing it. Take pride that you don't need to use your class to make you feel like a better person.

Crazmas · 13/10/2018 09:34

I’ve only read the first page. OP these parties/events are very common in many cities and both parties partake in the banter.

We had them at my city and both unis had slogans for each other. “What’s that over the hill? It’s unemployment”, and the line in your OP being the most popular from the RG unis. The Poly uni also fights back with slogans of how they excel at sports and are prettier etc.

The important thing to note is BOTH parties enjoy the banter and all go back to being best friends the next morning.

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