Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share winnings with friend?

263 replies

flouiserain · 11/10/2018 14:37

Me and my friend went to the casino last night for a meal.
Every time I go I always give myself £20 to play on the slots.
My friend never puts money in herself but I always share,she says she doesn't have anything to put in (min stake is 50p ) but I always half winnings.
Once I won £750 and have her half.
Last night I put in the £20 and on my last spin won £40.
She proceeded to say I might as well withdraw the £40 and go halfys as it's better than loosing.
I said I wanted to play with the £40 as I would be back to where I started at £20.
She kicked off saying she could really use that £20 and I wouldn't win anyway.
Wibu here?

OP posts:
toxic44 · 12/10/2018 18:44

She is taking you for a fool and I'm sorry to say that you are encouraging her to do it. Holding out her hand for your money is very cheap; making you feel guilty about not giving is called emotional blackmail. Just don't give it. The more you give, the worse you make it for yourself. If she has the cheek to ask, have the cheek to refuse.

cms1972 · 12/10/2018 18:47

I had a friend like this once. She did me a favour by acting as my model at a hairdressing exam. I drove us there & while we were gone she incurred parking charges near my flat. When we got back to her car she burst into tears when she saw the clamps. £250!! I paid it as she had been doing me a favour. To be fair, I had the money at that time, & she didn't. A year or so later I was in a bad place financially & she had just come into a lot of money. I was desperate for her to return my £250 but of course she didn't. Never mix friendships with money !!

alwayswingingit · 12/10/2018 18:51

"first time i said no, it's like i never said yes before" - Beyonce

SuspiciouslyMinded · 12/10/2018 18:57

Share the £20, but ONLY if she gives you back £10 for every past visit to the casino when you didn’t win anything.

DiWoo · 12/10/2018 19:02

If you want to take someone out, pay for everything and even share any money you get back, that's entirely up to you but your friend has overstepped the mark by trying to dictate what to do with your winnings.
I understand that you want to stay friends, but paying for a dinner, drinks and letting her use the cinema voucher is more than enough. How about not doing the gambling part, giving her some money to use as stake (if you really want to) or a change of venue (maybe a gambling establishment is not the place for someone with no money) but don't give her half, or indeed any, of your winnings unless you want to and definitely do not let her dictate to you what to do with them!

DiWoo · 12/10/2018 19:09

Out of interest, what happened after she said that about not spending it? Did you cave in and give her half? Or did you spend it?

Boxingmama · 12/10/2018 19:09

Personally I’d lose this friendship, it’s very one sided.
Her financial difficulties are not your problem and it is very unreasonable of her to expect financial support from you. ... she has a boyfriend let him support her.
If you don’t want to lose this friendship I’d either tell her that you can’t afford to pay for her anymore as money is tight at the moment. Youre happy to continue your nights out with her but she’ll have to pay her own way, if she stops going then go with another mate, if she continues going and pays for her own food drinks bingo casino everything, then you’ll see what a using cf she really has been to you all this time but have a fairer relationship .... if you can still look at her in the same way obvs

CanuckBC · 12/10/2018 19:11

It’s one thing to take her out once in awhile, another to make it a regular thing without any offers back. Even a meal in is a nice offer back.

For her to expect you to share the 20 when you want to play on is way over the top.

She has come to expect it and that is not on.

Boxingmama · 12/10/2018 19:15

And tell her you won’t be sharing YOUR winnings. You did it once on the £750 as a nice gesture, it wasn’t meant to be a forever thing.
If she wants to have a win then she needs to gamble HER money.

Bennyandthejetsssss · 12/10/2018 19:24

I had a ‘friend’ like this.

Even paid for her and her kids to go on holiday as a thanks for the help she gave me moving etc.

But every time after the holiday we went to eat she just expected me to pick up the bill. On the holiday, she expected me to pay the bill for her and the kids despite me saying I’d pay for the trip but she needed spending money. I seriously thought she’d decline the offer but I was a bit too short-sighted of her true nature.

She was a CF and a cheap cow with hindsight.

When I started splitting the bill 50/50, upon our return she decided to distance herself and told our mutual friends she felt bought!

Don’t do it OP. It’s just over generous and takers never appreciate anything. They just move on to the next over- generous mug!!!

Nanalisa60 · 12/10/2018 19:26

The problem is you have gone with your friend to the casino before and have always shared half your winnings!! If it didn’t bother you before then it should not now. You also said that your friend never gambled as she could not afford it!! So if she is someone u like and care fore and enjoy being with give her half!! if you don’t then don’t give her half. But really you should have only ever given her half the winning after you take off your stake money first. Also I don’t know how many friends you have there is a big difference between a good friend and an casual acquaintance? only you can decide what to do as only you know how important this friend is to you.

onegiftedgal · 12/10/2018 19:26

@Mummyoflittledragon

I'm a mother and also a professional gambler (wait for the usual sniggers. ...).
The op hasn't said how much she makes, she only does it occasionally, but I make £1k per week.
I have a background in statistical maths and have spent over 3 years to get this good mind you!

GabsAlot · 12/10/2018 19:32

i wa sgo9ing to ask what did she do with the 350 u gave her did she take u out the week after?

u can get good meal offers everywhere it doesnt have to be the casino

cinema u can get 2for 1 and just go there for the evenin

DeaflySilence · 12/10/2018 19:32

"Does she ever share your losses? No, thought not."

^ This

fieryginger · 12/10/2018 19:32

CF! If she's not putting money in herself.

Starlight345 · 12/10/2018 19:34

IF you have a genuine friendship stop the gravy train. Invite her round for a cuppa instead of going out . See if she is still interested . However based on what you say I think there isn’t much to suggest she is.

DiWoo · 12/10/2018 19:55

The problem is you have gone with your friend to the casino before and have always shared half your winnings!! If it didn’t bother you before then it should not now

It seems more like the friend's audacity rather than the actual sharing although one can have enough of something and what has been so before does not it is so forever more. It seems that tea analogy can be used for other things too

NotBeforeCoffee · 12/10/2018 20:22

What she’s doing is not ok but why are you going to a casino with her when she’s broke? You’re putting into a slot machine what she lives on for a week

EK36 · 12/10/2018 20:25

Maybe you should chose a different activity with this friend.As its not acceptable for her to expect you to split your winnings. Cinema, ice skating or pub meal might be better. Try taking another friend to the casino and don't spilt your winnings (unless you both put the same amount in!) Dont feel bad OP lesson learnt. Go else where with this friend. If she asks why just say I don't fancy the casino.

Nanalisa60 · 12/10/2018 20:26

As I said Dino only she can make the decision as only she can decide how important this friend is to her!!

PleaseJustSayNo · 12/10/2018 20:48

Not RTFT but surely (assuming you WERE going to give her something this time - which I think you definitely should not) she would only get £10 not £20. You've only actually won £20 As the other is your stake

Butterflycookie · 12/10/2018 20:52

No no no no no this can’t be true. This is absolutely ridiculous

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 12/10/2018 20:58

Not RTFT but surely (assuming you WERE going to give her something this time - which I think you definitely should not) she would only get £10 not £20. You've only actually won £20 As the other is your stake

This. If you split £40 you've broken even, she's gained £20 for doing squat. What did you actually do in the end OP (unless I missed that!)

AutumnEvenings · 12/10/2018 21:32

If you really want to continue these nights out, then re-negotiate the deal. If you pay for the meal and put the 20 stake in for the casino, then perhaps explain that if you win you will add the cost of the meal to the stake and take this away from any winnings before they are split.

My husband and adult son sometimes have nights out in a poker tournament with an expensive buy in. Dad pays, the money comes from our joint income in a joint account. The deal is that if they win, the pot is split three ways, so I get my share to spend on clothes or treats. This seems fair, as they get to enjoy the night out and if neither wins then I have also lost half the buy in cost.

cherish123 · 12/10/2018 21:34

Why would you give her half? No wonder she never puts any money on. No one would expect someone to share their winnings (unless it was a spouse).

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.