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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has blocked me on social media?!

291 replies

LondonMummy1987 · 11/10/2018 14:30

Apologies in advance if I'm just being incredibly stupid or naive or paranoid! I'm not sure if i'm mad and unreasonable or not!

So I have just gone to upload a photo onto instagram, and tag my husband in it as it is a picture of our sons. I couldn't tag him.
I thought maybe he has deleted his instagram account (despite the fact that he uses it alot) so I searched for him and it came up that the account is private and I need to request to follow. (I couldn't see anything, not his bio or how many photos/followers he has)
I then logged out of insta and searched for him, and it came up that the account is private but did state how many posts/followers he has, as well as his bio.

The bio is another worry. It used to say "happily married father of two", now it just says "father of two".

Am I wrong to worry?! I don't know what to do. I haven't confronted him as we are both at work and he will just change it and make me out to be a nutter!

OP posts:
lily2403 · 11/10/2018 15:39

Doesn’t sound good

I wouldn’t confront yet, I would catfish him all the while making sure my financials were in order so he couldn’t just wipe accounts out before dumping you

The block unfollow thing could have been and accident but the bio change and the blocking of all your family and mutual friends

I wish you luck Flowers

Rhiannon13 · 11/10/2018 15:41

Does the bio just say 'father of two' or has he added other stuff? Maybe he had to shorten that part to fit in other stuff due to the character limit?
Also, are you sure this is the account he's currently using? Could it be a redundant one?

I'm really starting to hate social media for all the worry it can cause in relationships Sad

Sparklesocks · 11/10/2018 15:41

Oh I’m sorry OP it does all sound quite worrying, at first I thought it might have been a mistake but it does sound like he’s actively trying to hide his account from you and people you know.
I hope you get answers Flowers

trulybadlydeeply · 11/10/2018 15:42

Sorry, OP, it does sound very dodgy. I agree with the suggestion to make a fake account, and send him a request. I fear that you need to be playing the long game here. If there were no other red flags I would be telling you not to be stupid and just request to follow him, but i do think you need to be more sneaky. You also need to try and sneak on to any devices you are able to, look at emails etc.

How have things been between you two otherwise?

FWIW, I blocked my STBXH on FB a few times, mainly because he was making friends with random women from all over the world just because they had big tits, and also because of the racist drivel he shared. I presume, though, he would have mentioned if anything you were sharing on IG was upsetting him?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 11/10/2018 15:42

My "scumbag" senses are tingling

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/10/2018 15:42

I’m so sorry. Are you sure you want to confront him tonight? Do you have all your ducks in a row financially? I would fear someone, who is prepared to go to such lengths to cut his wife and children out will be a callous bastard if you do split. Sad. It sounds as if you could do so much better though. He’s clearly not invested in you.

GoingNuckingFuts · 11/10/2018 15:43

i would not say anything right now, i would set up a fake account, of an attractive woman, steal off another insta, some random who follows an A lister, try have one with big sunnies hair in the face so she isn't easily identified. google save/download and upload pictures of holidays, food, shoes, silly memes, art cool buildings cool cocktails, them screen shots of notes where they make statements like another day at office, off for a mani and the like, to portray a young free single woman enjoying life, follow a few celebs he may like a load of randoms, when you have a significant amount of photos and followers, add him so it doesn't look like a new account and in the meantime do some further digging and play nice and unsuspecting at home, and then see if he engages in flirty DMs or comments on photos etc

Cheeeeislifenow · 11/10/2018 15:44

Set up an account on tinder and search for his name.

AnonaMouse1 · 11/10/2018 15:44

I'd also be tempted to create s fake account to see what he's up to

HandlebarTash81 · 11/10/2018 15:45

Odd. Anyone who removes all association online with family etc could easier present as a single guy. Why father of 2?

FlowThroughIt · 11/10/2018 15:47

Sounds like you already suspect cheating so that combined with him removing/blocking you, your family, and mutual friends all sounds VERY bad.

The change could signify a change in how he feels about the woman he's cheating on you with, if that's what is happening.

MemoryOfSleep · 11/10/2018 15:48

Just make sure you move your money out of any joint accounts. If he clears them out, there us nothing you can legally do about it.

MovingThisYearHopefully · 11/10/2018 15:49

I'm so sorry OP. This doesn't sound good. Flowers

MiggledyHiggins · 11/10/2018 15:49

Odd. Anyone who removes all association online with family etc could easier present as a single guy. Why father of 2?

To pretend to OW who already knows he's married that he has separated like he's claimed to?

I dunno. It's very odd though.

MirriVan · 11/10/2018 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/10/2018 15:50

Look, the fact that you asked your sister to check speaks volumes about the state of your relationship.

As others have said, you don't need to 'catfish' him, you just need to decide what you want and then set about getting it.

Your actions and updates so far seem to say you might want out of the relationship. So set about doing that! Sod what he thinks, how he may try to put you at fault.. put yourself first!

Annajohnsdottir · 11/10/2018 15:51

It does sound like an odd thing to do. Hope it's not as bad as it seems though OP. I'm on the side of not trying to trap him using a catfish profile, at least not straight away...

HandlebarTash81 · 11/10/2018 15:51

@Miggledyhiggens Ah maybe. That might also explain why he can’t just create a new profile. There might be an overlap.

Very odd behaviour and I really hope there’s a good explanation OP.

GoingNuckingFuts · 11/10/2018 15:52

im with PP move your money as he is well with his rights to remove it from the joint account thats if you are sure though dont make rash decisions yet untill you have damning evidence

MaMaMaMySharona · 11/10/2018 15:52

It's not very easy to accidentally block someone in instagram, and from the description you've given you've definitely been blocked. Whether that's for something innocent or not is obviously the question - perhaps when he's home just approach it lightheartedly and say 'Why have you blocked me on instagram? and see what he says?

If he says he hasn't, you have evidence he has. If he says it was an accident, definitely question how on earth that's possible!

YearOfYouRemember · 11/10/2018 15:53

I hope it's nothing, LondonMummy, but it doesn't look great Sad.

ohdeardeardear · 11/10/2018 15:54

He is up to something Sad

makingmammaries · 11/10/2018 15:54

If you google him does anything else come up?

Rhiannon13 · 11/10/2018 15:55

Be careful of the 'not on Facebook' line. My ex said that but had an account under a different name. I know because I worked out the name (he wasn't very bright), did the same and messaged him. He replied a few hours later when we were chatting on the phone, completely unaware that he was having a lovely time flirting with his boring old girlfriend Hmm. Dodgy behaviour from me I know but this was after months of worry and suspicion on my part so I felt I had to do something to be sure I wasn't as paranoid as he was making out. Turns out I was spot on and I don't regret it in the slightest.

The point of this being: please talk to him OP. There could be a reasonable explanation but you do need to know either way ASAP. Definitely face to face though so you can see his reaction.

janejane2 · 11/10/2018 15:56

I have to say this makes my heart and stomach feel funny.
Something very fishy and I really hope it's all innocent for you but if it's not I wish you the best of luck and be strong.

I really highly recommend for anyone in doubt of their relationship to watch episode 2 of daniel sloss stand up show on netflix, it explains relationships in a fantastic way and will help you make the best decision!