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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband has blocked me on social media?!

291 replies

LondonMummy1987 · 11/10/2018 14:30

Apologies in advance if I'm just being incredibly stupid or naive or paranoid! I'm not sure if i'm mad and unreasonable or not!

So I have just gone to upload a photo onto instagram, and tag my husband in it as it is a picture of our sons. I couldn't tag him.
I thought maybe he has deleted his instagram account (despite the fact that he uses it alot) so I searched for him and it came up that the account is private and I need to request to follow. (I couldn't see anything, not his bio or how many photos/followers he has)
I then logged out of insta and searched for him, and it came up that the account is private but did state how many posts/followers he has, as well as his bio.

The bio is another worry. It used to say "happily married father of two", now it just says "father of two".

Am I wrong to worry?! I don't know what to do. I haven't confronted him as we are both at work and he will just change it and make me out to be a nutter!

OP posts:

happypoobum · 11/10/2018 15:11

You don't appear to be overly surprised - does he have form? Has he been acting oddly aside from this?

I would be really concerned.

Absla · 11/10/2018 15:12

No, I would go absolutely psycho ballistic. So don’t worry.

I don’t have social media neither does my partner, because it causes so many problems and some men (and women) are too thick and crazy to realise that the majority of photos put up there are total bullshit and ALL OF THEM are photo shopped!!!

It doesn’t sound good at all, but his reaction will tell you what’s going on.

I’m so sorry I can’t imagine how you feel man x

SerenDippyEggs · 11/10/2018 15:13

Every time you update my brain is going "Red flag red flag red flag!!🚩🚩🚩🚩"

Changing the bio is a bit of a cheeky bastard thing to do as well! I really hope it is innocent for you OP but it's not looking good.

Pizzaandwine1 · 11/10/2018 15:13

Definitely sounds like you have been blocked - I second the playing innocent 'oh DH your Instagram seems to have come off of mine' etc.

RomanyRoots · 11/10/2018 15:14

I wouldn't say anything, he could just say it was for work reasons or some other excuse.
I can't think why he'd change his profile, he has erased you and that means he's either cheating or thinking about it.
I'd create a fake account to follow him.

user1467718508 · 11/10/2018 15:15

How's everything at home? Noticed any other changes in him recently?

Original poster

LondonMummy1987 · 11/10/2018 15:16

Thanks for all of the love. I am really concerned. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a secret from me, as he goes out a lot, and never puts his phone down when he is at home. But I am surprised that he has blocked me/stopped me from following him, as he knows I go on there a lot, and that I would notice. I need to confront him but every time we have a row he would turn it into me being paranoid, but I know in my heart that I'm not being paranoid. I need to confront him when he is in front of me with his phone so I can have a look
x

OP posts:

Fairylea · 11/10/2018 15:16

I would create a fake account with a fake photo and request to follow him. Be sneaky.

LividAtDolphins · 11/10/2018 15:18

I need to confront him but every time we have a row he would turn it into me being paranoid, but I know in my heart that I'm not being paranoid

That's called gaslighting and it's a common form of abuse. Sounds like a real charmer this guy.

MotherofTerriers · 11/10/2018 15:18

Hmmm - maybe have a dig around before you confront him and he hides stuff?

TattyCat · 11/10/2018 15:19

I wouldn't say a word right now. I'd be digging in the background and making damned sure I could rule in/out an affair and getting hard evidence if necessary. From experience, I wouldn't be showing my hand this early...

NobHob · 11/10/2018 15:20

If he wanted to sneak around behind your back he'd have created a new IG account for himself and just superficially maintained the real one, and you would have been non the wiser.

However this is a really obvious move, and looks like it's something he intended you to notice. Maybe he wants to create a row to have a "reason" to break up. My exDH actually admitted that he had tried to sabotage our relationship to make it easier to leave when the time came by being able to blame me for making him "so unhappy".

OP I think you could ignore this and look for other signs, and in doing so buy yourself time to figure out what you would do if he ended the relationship, or confront him now but be prepared for him to drop a bombshell on you.

Either way,

LexieLulu · 11/10/2018 15:22

If I were you op I would try and get access to his accounts, by either following him in some way or getting onto his phone.

See if he's deleted any pictures of you? Or if you can get onto his account view his messages?

Absla · 11/10/2018 15:23

TattyCat I like your style.

OP - you are worth more than a man who will blame paranoia on his own bad behaviour. He’s trying to control you through tearing you down. He is your DH but your worth more than feeling this helpless.

8DaysAWeek · 11/10/2018 15:25

The Tinder suspicions are a good shout actually, as you need to link it to a social media account when you register (not sure if it has to be Instagram). I'd make an account and see if he's on it...

AdoreTheBeach · 11/10/2018 15:26

I’m concerned about your last update OP. That every time you have a row, he would turn it around to you being paranoid. Paranoid about what? Have there been arguments about his going out a lot? Spending money that unaccounted for? As it’s would appear he has form for gaslighting already.

Petalflowers · 11/10/2018 15:27

Can you leave your phone upstairs, and ask to borrow his to make a phone call, checkthe weather... . His response will speak volumes.

Like others have said, I would play the long game, and do a bit of,delving before making any accusations.

gothefcktosleep · 11/10/2018 15:30

Ahhh OP, none of that sounds good.

I’ll be totally honest, I fully back the fake account idea.

What he’s done seems so strange though and hurtful... it’s easy to make a second account and get on with whatever he’s doing rather than going ahead and blocking you from his current one - almost seems like he wants to cause a ruckus - to me it’s really passive aggressive. Like he’s just waiting for you to spot this so things can kick off.

Sending you hugs 🤗 and some courage.

MemoryOfSleep · 11/10/2018 15:31

I think @NobHob might be on to something here. Fits very well with the scenario.

notapizzaeater · 11/10/2018 15:34

He's probably waiting for you to notice then use it as a argument

BendAndLoft · 11/10/2018 15:35

I’d try not to confront him right now either. Try and get more information, he’s obviously very experienced at making you doubt yourself and I wouldn’t put it past him to delete anything incriminating if he knows you’re onto him.
Set up a fake account and catfish the wanker on tinder etc then there’s no way he’ll be able to talk his way out of anything and you can make a decision based on facts.

Ennirem · 11/10/2018 15:36

OP, sounds like you are unhappy and don't trust him. I'd explore your options for leaving the marriage as even if his behaviour is innocent the fact you are rowing about his secretiveness and he is dismissing your concerns indicates all is not well.

Cheeeeislifenow · 11/10/2018 15:36

Sorry op with your updates it is very suspicious

Ennirem · 11/10/2018 15:38

Don't get all the people telling OP to set up fake accounts, try and catfish him etc. There's no need to prove he is cheating or trying to; the fact he is excluding the OP online and being rude and dismissive of her IRL is enough of a reason for her to leave the marriage if she chooses. She doesn't need to play games or descend to his level.

probablynotthesame · 11/10/2018 15:38

OP you said he's not on Facebook, I would search for him or get your sister/friend to if he's acting shady on other social media sites what's to say he hasn't set up a Facebook account

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