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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be worried about neighbour's creepy behaviour?

252 replies

Amgelima · 10/10/2018 14:39

Yesterday I was outside with my 3-year-old boy who was playing in our back garden. He told me he needed to make a wee, so I told him to go by a cluster of trees/bushes towards the back of our garden. He ran over to the bushes and went about his business. The garden is fairly large, and the area where he made his wee was about 15-20 feet away from our back fence.

I then ran inside for literally 30 seconds to turn off the oven because the timer had gone off, leaving our french doors wide open. In those few seconds, my son started shouting for me and ran back towards the house. I stepped back out and he said, "Mama, there was a strange noise! That man scared me!" I looked where he was pointed and at the end of our garden (about 50 metres away) I could see over the fence the head of a man with white hair, prob anywhere from mid-50s to late-60s, walking slowly along the back of the fence (on his side). We have not lived in our current house for very long, so we have met a few neighbours but not the people who live behind us. The man was looking in our direction, almost as though trying to stare me down, so I looked back at him and he kept walking along the back of the fence, staring at us, and then finally turned and went away. I then asked my son to tell me again what had happened and he said the man had tried to talk to him in "a funny language" (not sure if my son really understands the word "language" to mean a foreign tongue he may have meant a funny voice it's really impossible to know as he is only 3). My son also said that apparently another little boy was there (I went and looked over the fence and saw no evidence of that). He kept saying the man had made a strange noise and tried to talk to him and that he was scared. My son is not easily frightened by people and is usually sociable.

Frankly I'm afraid the man is some sort of pervert and although I thought our garden was private I won't be allowing my son to wee in our bushes any longer. Perhaps I am over reacting and it was just an old man walking along the back fence -- but I do think that a normal person would have probably waved or called out "sorry I accidentally frightened your child" or something like that. I'm actually wondering whether I should get in touch with the police, just to put on record that there was a strange episode in case anything else happens in the future.

What do you think, mums? How would you handle this?

OP posts:
Laiste · 10/10/2018 17:49

Boys don't have to wipe so it's more normal for them to be allowed to piss outside as opposed to girls.

?

Another backwards logic excuse to let males get away with unpleasant behavior.

GreenLantern53 · 10/10/2018 17:50

I honestly cant get worked up about a 3 year old weeing in the bushes. My son use to but I dont allow it anymore but when he was little it was no big deal, we do have a toilet but its upstairs, can be a long way to go for a newly trained child. Its really not a big deal!! i take it the people who are ao outraged by it never let their children pee outside if there was no toilets around either?? The only time I Hmm was when someone allowed their child to do it in the school playground.

NewYoiker · 10/10/2018 17:51

I'd be be beyond disgusted if my DH had A wee in our garden instead of going upstairs🤢 as pp

Gingerrogered · 10/10/2018 17:51

To be honest if I was your neighbour I would have given you a dirty look too.

Windmillsinsummer · 10/10/2018 17:54

Can I have a step by step guide on how to make a wee please I have a feeling I may have been doing it all wrong.

catarinapovre5 · 10/10/2018 18:01

I think English is OP second language. My husband is Italian and he says, make a ticket (book a ticket) and make a case (pack a suitcase) Don’t be judgemental x PS don’t agree with Arron outside for anyone, unless absolute emergency, which this clearly wasn’t.

Harleypuppy · 10/10/2018 18:03

Definitely a ghost. Maybe he had a warning from the future involving your ds, a wee, a garden and a bumblebee.

catarinapovre5 · 10/10/2018 18:03

Arron 🙈peeing 🤣

loveyoutothemoon · 10/10/2018 18:03

You can't really call that training your DS can you?! He needs to learn to hold it in and go in your house. What do you do if you're out at the shops etc?

DavetheCat2001 · 10/10/2018 18:07

I don't see the problem.

I'm off to have a crap in the bushes.

Blackoutblinds · 10/10/2018 18:08

How do you “make a wee”?

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2018 18:13

"How do you “make a wee”?"

God, I hate this sort of thing. You knew perfectly well wht the OP meant- you're just being a smart-arse about it.

Blackoutblinds · 10/10/2018 18:15

Its twee and annoying.

Went for a wee.

Had a wee.

Did a wee.

Needed to have a wee.

Needed to pee.

Had to pee.

But “make a wee”? Ffs what did he do? Get a bottle and urea crystals and mix it up and give it a shake?

Come on!

hannnnnnnxo · 10/10/2018 18:16

Fair enough your garden/child, your rules but I don’t think weeing in the bushes is appropriate in terms of a child exposing their genitalia in a non private environment, you should have stayed with him and turned the oven off after he finished if he was that quick just to safeguard him. Who knows if the man was a pervert or not, but it would make me sick to think that he would have seen my child nude and that I wasn’t there to protect him. So let him pee if you want, but obviously stay with him! He’s more important than your food being in the oven for 30 seconds too late surely.

It’s hard to comment on the man, from your post he does sound creepy - but then again it’s based on a 3 year old’s recollection which might not be accurate. I do wonder if the man was watching you the whole time and only approached your son once you left him?

angieloumc · 10/10/2018 18:22

hann are you serious? A random paedophile happens to live in the house backing into OP's and spends time hanging around his fence to watch a child who may or may not play in his garden whose mother may or not may leave him while he has a wee outside? Ridiculous!

Rhiannon13 · 10/10/2018 18:23

Lovely. Another generation of boys being taught it's ok to piss outside.
Today, the garden: tomorrow any old street corner 'because they can'.

Maybe the neighbour was just wondering why on earth you couldn't take him inside to use the loo?

TeddybearBaby · 10/10/2018 18:24

Mumsnet at its finest 😂

It’s not the end of the world op. I’ve had to discreetly take my boy and girl in bushes when they’ve been desperate. I probably wouldn’t like it in the garden but I’m not outraged by your toddler either 🙄.

So weird all these grown men that are pissing all over the place in public, where have I been because I haven’t seen this at all (unless you’re counting the drunk ones...... I’ve seen women pissing in the street as well whilst drunk if you are).

Anyway all these grown pissy pants probably called their mothers mama and we’re allowed to go in the bushes of their garden....... it’s a slippery slope.

Keep an eye on the old guy. We basically have no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

RockYourSocksOff · 10/10/2018 18:36

Perhaps in the seconds your back was turned your Ds aimed up and over the fence? Wink

My Ds has never been in our garden but we have had to pull over while on a journey and he’s discreetly had a wee in a covered area.

SoozC · 10/10/2018 18:42

Just make sure he's not weeing in the same place every time or he could change the pH of the soil in that area and kill off some of the flora in the ground or field layers that may also be home to insects or other animals. misses point of thread

bandthenjust · 10/10/2018 18:45

Lol this thread made me laugh. And my husband. YABU op, if you pee outdoors, expect peo ple to be about.

OneStepSideways · 10/10/2018 18:45

Sounds like he was gardening or pottering and your son startled him. He might have thought he was a fox or badger or lost cat in the bushes so peered over to look!

If English wasn't his first language he might have been shy to call out to you.

ghostyslovesheets · 10/10/2018 19:10

yabu and scutty

flowercrow · 10/10/2018 19:14

isn't "make a wee" a common phrase in Ireland? I've read it in Maeve Binchey books, I'm sure.
It is very unlikely that the neighbour is a paedophile.

KC225 · 10/10/2018 19:16

I thought it was a ghost

Iooselipssinkships · 10/10/2018 19:33

I had a friend who allowed her son to do this. When he started school he was caught several times weeing outside during playtime.
It sets your son up for bad habits and surely you'd be mortified if he did it at school or nursery??