to be worried about neighbour's creepy behaviour?

[Amgelima]

Yesterday I was outside with my 3-year-old boy who was playing in our back garden. He told me he needed to make a wee, so I told him to go by a cluster of trees/bushes towards the back of our garden. He ran over to the bushes and went about his business. The garden is fairly large, and the area where he made his wee was about 15-20 feet away from our back fence.

I then ran inside for literally 30 seconds to turn off the oven because the timer had gone off, leaving our french doors wide open. In those few seconds, my son started shouting for me and ran back towards the house. I stepped back out and he said, "Mama, there was a strange noise! That man scared me!" I looked where he was pointed and at the end of our garden (about 50 metres away) I could see over the fence the head of a man with white hair, prob anywhere from mid-50s to late-60s, walking slowly along the back of the fence (on his side). We have not lived in our current house for very long, so we have met a few neighbours but not the people who live behind us. The man was looking in our direction, almost as though trying to stare me down, so I looked back at him and he kept walking along the back of the fence, staring at us, and then finally turned and went away. I then asked my son to tell me again what had happened and he said the man had tried to talk to him in "a funny language" (not sure if my son really understands the word "language" to mean a foreign tongue he may have meant a funny voice it's really impossible to know as he is only 3). My son also said that apparently another little boy was there (I went and looked over the fence and saw no evidence of that). He kept saying the man had made a strange noise and tried to talk to him and that he was scared. My son is not easily frightened by people and is usually sociable.

Frankly I'm afraid the man is some sort of pervert and although I thought our garden was private I won't be allowing my son to wee in our bushes any longer. Perhaps I am over reacting and it was just an old man walking along the back fence -- but I do think that a normal person would have probably waved or called out "sorry I accidentally frightened your child" or something like that. I'm actually wondering whether I should get in touch with the police, just to put on record that there was a strange episode in case anything else happens in the future.

What do you think, mums? How would you handle this?

I utterly refuse to believe that nobody's small boys ever pee in the bushes.

There's a massive difference between weeing in the bushes in the park when boys are toilet training, and deliberately telling your toilet trained son to wee in the garden when the toilet in the house is right there.

I won't be allowing my son to wee in our bushes any longer.

😂🤣😂

There's a massive difference between weeing in the bushes in the park when boys are toilet training, and deliberately telling your toilet trained son to wee in the garden when the toilet in the house is right there.

This.
It wasn't an emergency. It was lazy and dirty. But carry on complaining about your neighbours rather than trying to bring your little boy up well.

If something scared your boy then most definitely supervise any activity outdoors and speak with your husband and then I’d ask any neighbors you’ve met if they know anything about that particular neighbor in a casual manner. Idk if it meets threshold for police contact use your judgement. I’m unfazed by using the bush to urinate unlike others to each his own

Wow, and they said the Feminist boards were rough. judgey people you all are (while you hypocritically reprimand her for judging?!). Sure, slightly over reacting... so why not messages reassuring a nervous mother instead of your fucking moral outrage over an infant pissing outside ( newsflash, GROWN MEN do it every day, I see them in PUBLIC and while running all the damn time, at least this was on their property! ffs ).

OP- I understand your anxiousness, you want to be an alert and observant Mum who does the best for her child and we are all very aware of predatory men. It is natural. But, in this instance, it is way more likely you are over reacting and he is just someone who stares a little longer than usual. Nothing to worry about I am sure, so rest easy and continue to be aware of what is happening around your child but perhaps take a deep breath first and remember most people are truly harmless. As for peeing outside, I do not have sons but I have british and foreign friends who definitely let this happen on very rare occasions. One woman I know here let hers do it regularly, which I do think is confusing for them so I would not advise it. Where i grew up we all lived at the beach so kids were always pissing outside. At home though, we were strictly in the bathroom!

newsflash, GROWN MEN do it every day, I see them in PUBLIC and while running all the damn time

Erm... This is why people shouldn't be teaching their little boys to piss everywhere

Not sure about letting him wee in the garden, does human urine attract vermin?

It’s not ‘everywhere’ though is it?

newsflash, GROWN MEN do it every day, I see them in PUBLIC and while running all the damn time

Oh, so that makes it ok then?

Classy.

i'm with the why would you even let your DS piss outside in YOUR OWN GARDEN!!!!

For those who think this is ok, I'm just wondering... where do you draw the line? So, your own garden is ok, but what about other people's or public places? Because surely you're teaching the child that it's acceptable and how do they know where to stop?

What would vermin want with human wee?

He was probably contemplating how rough his neighbours are to be peeing in the garden

were you confusing it with training a dog?
🤣
What would vermin want with human wee?
😂
This is why I love MN

When I was little you hovered over a grid when out and about, you certainly went in the garden, if little and not quite able to make it indoors.
As an older child they should be ready to use toilets at home and school if no sn.
I don't think you'd go towards somebody else's garden though, maybe nearer your own house and where people couldn't see.

Pennydew, yes they do, this is why it is such an environmental problem for councils. That they have had to install pop up urinals for men, probably due to sloppy parenting, never been corrected early on. If op ds had said, I am desparate I can't wait, tge bush would be fine, but she did not, she told him to wee in the garden.

Where did your son wash his hands?

In the pond? 😂

Why couldn't your ds go inside and use the toilet?

why would you purposely take a potty training child outside to wee?! Why would you let him do it now when he's fully potty trained?! My 5 year old has SN (still not 100% dry daytime) and even I wouldnt do that

Never had any of my dc's piss in the garden. They needed the toilet and off they went. And as for well supernanny encourages it, well isn't that the one that encourages a lot of useless shite the rest of us think is batshit?

Anyway, so man speaks a different language, says something maybe to your child or the child that was with him that you think your child imagined. And this spooked your child so much he was scared. You know why he was scared? He's a small child having a piss in his garden like he's been encouraged to do. Mum's disappeared. Next thing from nowhere he hears a voice of a man. Anyone would be a bit scared lol.

Mum comes back to find out wtf is going on, and neighbour is staring. Op is staring so there is some odd stare off going and the bloke behind the fence is probably wondering wtf is with this family? Kids pissing in the garden, I talk to my child/grandchild/niece whoever and pissing kid runs off screaming like I'm going to murder him. Mum comes storming out of the house staring at me. Wouldn't mind all I did was tell the kid who was with me to go in the house when they said they needed a pee (hence you didn't see the child lol).

Could it possibly be the man has heard you in the garden and has come up to the fence to say hello. Or less that too obvious and not dramatic enough

does human urine attract vermin

Urine from another species usually deters other animals. So OP's garden will probably be rat free.

I don't think it is the most shocking thing in the world to have the odd al fresco wee - if you don;t think your child will make it to the toilet, I'd rather a wee in the garden (where you know rain will wash it away) than have a child wet thier pants and feel upset.

As for the old man - he doesn;t sound as if he did anything too strange. Maybe he looked up saw your son and thought you'd left him on his own for ages (being that he was weeing as well) -and didn;t realise you;d just popped inside for aminute. The stare might have been a dispproving 'you aren't supervising your child stare'.
Also if as you say he didn't speak english, then he could hardly wave and say 'oh sorry I scared your DS' could he?
Also (I speak from personal experience) as you get older your face starts to sag downwards (unless your botox yourself to death) and your mouth can ofetn turn down slightly making you look a bit cross even when you aren't. A lot of older people (myself included) have resting grump face for this reason and are in fact perfectly cheerful and nice.
I think your fears that this old chap is a pervert are most likely unfounded.

The bloke was probably glaring over because your son was making a fuss. He probably unwittingly scared your son then had to deal with the aftermath.

My husband once let my daughter wee in the garden during training (he was covered in mud and couldn’t be arsed to clean up before going in)She then thought it was acceptable and I had to teach her not to do it!

Not sure I agree with the weeing in the garden, you were at home, not caught short out in a forest.

But that aside, what worries me most is the very quick attitude towards calling him a pervert. It takes one version of events like that and before you know it you have a lynch mob on your hands.

Maybe, the man was having a wee in his own garden, up against his fence, and couldn't help but see the boy so said hello