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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about neighbour's creepy behaviour?

252 replies

Amgelima · 10/10/2018 14:39

Yesterday I was outside with my 3-year-old boy who was playing in our back garden. He told me he needed to make a wee, so I told him to go by a cluster of trees/bushes towards the back of our garden. He ran over to the bushes and went about his business. The garden is fairly large, and the area where he made his wee was about 15-20 feet away from our back fence.

I then ran inside for literally 30 seconds to turn off the oven because the timer had gone off, leaving our french doors wide open. In those few seconds, my son started shouting for me and ran back towards the house. I stepped back out and he said, "Mama, there was a strange noise! That man scared me!" I looked where he was pointed and at the end of our garden (about 50 metres away) I could see over the fence the head of a man with white hair, prob anywhere from mid-50s to late-60s, walking slowly along the back of the fence (on his side). We have not lived in our current house for very long, so we have met a few neighbours but not the people who live behind us. The man was looking in our direction, almost as though trying to stare me down, so I looked back at him and he kept walking along the back of the fence, staring at us, and then finally turned and went away. I then asked my son to tell me again what had happened and he said the man had tried to talk to him in "a funny language" (not sure if my son really understands the word "language" to mean a foreign tongue he may have meant a funny voice it's really impossible to know as he is only 3). My son also said that apparently another little boy was there (I went and looked over the fence and saw no evidence of that). He kept saying the man had made a strange noise and tried to talk to him and that he was scared. My son is not easily frightened by people and is usually sociable.

Frankly I'm afraid the man is some sort of pervert and although I thought our garden was private I won't be allowing my son to wee in our bushes any longer. Perhaps I am over reacting and it was just an old man walking along the back fence -- but I do think that a normal person would have probably waved or called out "sorry I accidentally frightened your child" or something like that. I'm actually wondering whether I should get in touch with the police, just to put on record that there was a strange episode in case anything else happens in the future.

What do you think, mums? How would you handle this?

OP posts:
LakieLady · 10/10/2018 15:56

I don't get the pearl clutching at a 3YO weeing in the garden, tbh.

I'd probably wee in my own garden if it wasn't overlooked, rather than stop what I was doing, plod down the garden steps, come indoors, go upstairs, have a wee and then do it all in reverse order before I could get on with my weeding.

Jlynhope · 10/10/2018 15:57

I agree with most he was looking at the kid left alone to pee in the garden. My ds has peed outside only when there is no toilet nearby, mainly when camping in the middle of the night.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2018 15:58

I utterly refuse to believe that nobody's small boys ever pee in the bushes. But anyway. He wasn't "elderly". Did you get your son to imitate the "scary noise" he made?

Original poster
Amgelima · 10/10/2018 16:00

Agreed that many of you are pearl clutching self-righteously just to jump on the band wagon. Even SuperNanny encourages parents to take toilet training boys outside. If it was oh so shocking I'm sure the programme would have been cancelled.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 10/10/2018 16:00

Amgelima Wed 10-Oct-18 15:02:28
well, clearly no one thinks it was creepy judging from all of the sarcastic comments. That's actually reassuring... I guess I was just concerned because I haven't seen my son so frightened very often. I didn't say I was going to call police to report a pervert/crime -- just a strange incident in case something further happened. The man was staring at us and I did find it odd/chilling how long he stared but glad to see people think it's no big deal.

He was probably flabbergasted that someone with access to a house was pissing in the garden.

KittensAndCake · 10/10/2018 16:01

Im sure none of you pearl clutchers have a cat or a dog that urinate/defecate in your garden/your neighbours gardens/the local park.

If there was nowhere else then of course it's fine for a child to wee outside, my boys have wee'd behind trees/bushes when there's no alternative, but in the garden? Confused Bet she wouldn't have let him if he was a girl.
Poor old, foreign, perverted neighbour Grin

princessbean · 10/10/2018 16:02

Nearly everyone who's commented on this post has focussed on the fact the OP allows her son to pee in HIS garden of HIS home. Why shouldn't a small 3 year old feel comfortable to do that in his own garden?? If he was older then fair enough, but he's a young child, the old man next door shouldn't of even been looking at him, and yes it was probably just innocent but it also may not have been these days you don't know!!People are so judgemental it's unbelievable.

As for her son calling her "mama" so what?? That's what he calls his mum, who cares otherwise?🤦🏻‍♀️

C8H10N4O2 · 10/10/2018 16:03

The man was staring at us and I did find it odd/chilling

If it had been me staring the thought in my head would have been "what from hell has moved in now, teaching their kids to use the garden as a toilet".

bumblenbean · 10/10/2018 16:03

Agree your reaction was OTT OP but think some of these comments are unnecessarily harsh. I don’t see any harm in a toddler having the odd pee in his own garden. And the comments re what he calls his mum are completely unnecessary.

OP think you can see that you’ve overreacted but I don’t think you deserve the pasting you’re getting!

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 10/10/2018 16:05

What did you say to the man that was staring then?

jilldoyoulikeowls · 10/10/2018 16:05

Perhaps he should 'make a wee' elsewhere.

Your neighbour probably on another forum moaning about the annoying new neighbours who let their kid piss up his fence.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2018 16:05

Why don't you teach your child to go inside for a wee, very lazy. I can't see the issue here, the man has a right to be in his garden, maybe your child startled him.

SillySallySingsSongs · 10/10/2018 16:06

I've known a number of mothers who have had their small boys do that.

So small boys wee in the garden but small girls in the toilet. There was no reason for him not to use the toilet.

Your neighbour was probably shocked that you let him when you were going inside where I presume there is a fully functioning toilet.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2018 16:10

Exactly sexist much. YOu would teach a girl to use the toilet, why is it different for a boy. Ahhh raising men that see the streets as their toilet, yes I have come across a few during the daytime, as well as at night.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2018 16:10

he was standing up against our fence and looking over into our garden

Well that's all the proof we need. He's clearly a serial killer.

Mugglemom · 10/10/2018 16:12

Exactly sexist much. YOu would teach a girl to use the toilet, why is it different for a boy.

Really? Hmm

Perhaps because girls need to wipe after a wee and boys do not?

FlowThroughIt · 10/10/2018 16:12

'Mama' is the normal term used by small children in the Southern US where I'm from and what my British husband calls me to our baby and he doesn't even know that's common in the US. I thought it was used because it's easier for babies to say then Mummy or Mommy. Hmm But hey leave it to the classists here to turn anything into a class war. It's honestly the thing I hate most about British society.

I think it's possible your neighbour simply heard your son peeing and went to investigate because that's really not something I think most would expect a child to be doing in a garden when there's working indoor plumbing. Maybe he thought he wasn't being looked after?

woolduvet · 10/10/2018 16:13

Maybe he can't actually see that far, you were just a blur who didn't speak
But no child of mine has ever weed in my garden.

Coubled · 10/10/2018 16:13

IMO, I will talk to that guy and ask if there's something wrong or what's up with him talking to your kids.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2018 16:14

I saw that episode on Superanny and was Hmm at it. I always taught my boy and girl to use the toilet, why would you not. Yes there have been times when they were caught short when much younger, and there were no toilets about, so wee discretely in a bush. But at home, its the toilet.

FilledSoda · 10/10/2018 16:14

That's dirty, I'm sure he's thrilled to have you next door.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2018 16:15

Not really Muggle, my dd when much younger was caught short in a park with no toilets, had to discretely find a bush, no wiping involved.

Mugglemom · 10/10/2018 16:18

@Aeroflotgirl My point is that it's easy for a boy to wee outside, whereas a girl, if a toilet is immediately accessible, it makes sense that you would have her use it as she needs to wipe herself.

Obviously you teach boys and girls to use the toilet, but I honestly don't see the big deal about having a boy wee in the garden.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2018 16:19

I know Mumsnet has a higher than average number of people with various anxiety issues, but seriously? All this outrage at a little boy peeing in his own garden? Just bizarre.

NKFell · 10/10/2018 16:23

I have 3 boys, they do not nor have ever peed in the garden, during toilet training they went to a potty or loo. Teaching boys to pee outside is revolting and is what makes grown men think it's acceptable to pee on walls or in alleyways etc.

Has it occurred to you that he was staring at you because your boy had been screaming and then you stared at him? Did you say hello or anything?