To not want to clean for a male client?

[AsdaTesco]

Ok, hear me out first. I put an ad on gumtree, Nextdoor app and Facebook. People started to text me saying they were looking for a cleaner. Great, one person texted me from gumtree on my number. I didn't know if it was a man or woman at first, found out later he was a man. Saying he was looking for a cleaner etc, anyway I saw his picture on whatsapp and it put me off, not a bad picture but it made me feel uncomfortable. So I didn't respond to him anymore.

Anyway two lovely ladies contacted me on the nextdoor app, I'm due to see them next week. But it got me thinking, AIBU to feel uncomfortable cleaning for a male client? What are other cleaners view on this? And how do you deal with it? Not saying I'm refusing to clean for a male client, but what can I do to feel comfortable about it?

As a woman I feel so uncomfortable and vulnerable when men respond to my ad online saying they need a cleaner, to go into their homes and not know what they're capable of. At least with a woman I feel comfortable. Someone else texted me today, but I don't know if it's a man or woman, AIBU to ask? Would you be offended?

Looking forward to hearing from you guys.

You are free to choose your clients but it could be considered discrimination if you refused a client on grounds of them being male - to be safe just say your slots are now full.

That said I'm not sure why you are uncomfortable, men hire cleaners, what's the big deal.

@anniehm did you see the post just above yours?
You and others would happily send the OP to be assaulted while you make your points from the safety of your own homes.

That said I'm not sure why you are uncomfortable, men hire cleaners, what's the big deal

Maybe read the post above yours.

@DanglyEarOrnaments sorry that you've had bad experiences, but it's nice to know my fears are real. A man through a referral from a current trusted client would make me feel more comfortable than a random man from gumtree.

You can think what you like, but that's just how I feel guys.

You have a lovely husband who clearly loves you and cares about your safety!

It's your choice what jobs you choose to take but I think you're in the wrong like of business if you're automatically going to unnecessarily exclude 50% of your potential client base

Trust your instincts, something feels off so don't risk it. It would probably be fine, but the outcome if your instincts are correct isn't worth the £10 an hour or whatever.

You can choose your clients, that's the joy of being self-employed.

Hmm, lots of posters claiming this isn't bigotry if it's about 'your personal safety'. Makes me think of those people who cross the road to avoid walking past a young black man 'for their personal safety'. Still bigotry!

A good cleaner isn't going to struggle to find clients.

I suppose you are free to choose who you want to work for. Likewise, people will be free to take one look at you want decide you are not suitable for them.

I'm a cleaner and I always make a point of meeting any potential client first, mainly to get an idea of what they require doing/how realistic they are etc and to check out size of house, no of rooms too - it also gives me a chance to weigh them up. I've been lucky, my only male clients seem to be professional gay blokes or elderly, oh and 1 straight guy who's never in! It's a trust issue both ways. They're not going to hand over their house keys/give you their gate code/alarm code etc if they think you're dodgy. Equally if you have doubts you can always find an excuse to not take on a job.
IME the one and only client I had to "let go" was a woman with OCD issues.

I have had my own cleaning business for 8 years, oh the tales i could tell

I do get where you are coming from OP, there have been one or 2 occasions where i have felt uncomfortable. And not returned to clean again (making an excuse up).

I have also had men message and ask if i would clean naked. Or if i mind them walking round naked. Or if I would include a massage with a clean . I simply ignore those enquiries (obviously!)

99.9% of potential clients are genuine though I find. Good luck, it can be a really profitable little business

Interstingly, men are twice as likely as women to be victims of violent crime, yet only 25% more likely to be the perpetrators.

There are some posters on here with very skewed impressions of the world!

Englannd & Wales Crime Survey: www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/yearendingmarch2016/overviewofviolentcrimeandsexualoffences#characteristics-associated-with-being-a-victim

And yes, you'll find if you're good at what you do you'll get plenty of word of mouth referrals. Don't be too quick to write off all blokes as dodgy. Self employment is great in that you can choose who and when you work. Good luck with your new business.

Makes me think of those people who cross the road to avoid walking past a young black man 'for their personal safety'

I've never heard of anyone doing this, ever.

Agree with pp - I also dislike the comparisons to racism.

I can see where you are coming from. Seen the level of harassement and assault women face in general, I can see why ANYONE would be careful around men.
After all, we all do that anyway by not been on your know at night, going out together rather alone etc etc It’s just that it’s so normal in our life that we often don’t even think about it anymore.

Baby thé circumstances where men are victim of violent crimes are VERY different.
They dint get attacked or harassed whilst doing their job or inside their house. They are usually victimes because they are part if gangs or have a fight after a night out with too much alcohol.
The type of crimes is also different. In one case, you talk about knife attack,fights etc... in the other sual assault, rape and general harassement (that is never reported anyway)
Very different situations imo and cannot be compared.

sethis There is a difference between being "terrified of men" as you claim
and taking sensible precations based on a lifetime of experience as women and hearing experiences of other women in similar situations

The world is as it is, not as we would wish it to be

Women shouldn't be guilted into putting themselves at risk.

babycham Men have 98% of the conviction for rape and sexual assault,
85% of the convictions for violence and serious crime

Men are indeed more likely to be the victims of assault - by other men;
they are much less likely to be raped, partly because it is much more difficult for a man to physically overpower another man and partly because only a minority of the rapey minority wish to rape men

The behaviour of a minority of men is dangerous, but unfortunately there is no tattoo on their forehead to identify them in advance

I think it’s perfectly fine for you to pick your clients, however you would be closing down (what I imagine) could turn out to be quite a few people based on the fact they are single men (not judging - I wouldn’t do it either)

Do you think you would be better off working for a company who do commercial buildings instead? (Eg shops or office building).

According to the christian cake thread you would be being discriminatory if you didn't clean for lone men.

OP, I suspect that your alarm bells rang for more reasons than him being a male. You mentioned his photo, but it could have been more than that, even if you're not consciously aware of what it was.

You should trust your instincts, even if the red flags are not obvious. Many have ignored them and regretted it.

You're not the only cleaner and he'll find someone.

Are you saying that men are twice as likely to be victims of violent crime at the hands of women Babycham1979. Because unless you are that observation is totally irrelevant to the point of this thread.

Women are being assaulted, raped and murdered by men at a far greater rate than men are being assaulted by women.

I do not know one single woman who has not, at some time in her life, been made to feel threatened or uncomfortable by the behaviour of a man. I know few men who have felt threatened by the behaviour of any woman.

It's a foolish woman who doesn't think about and take precautions to ensure her own safety.

Going alone into the home of a man she doesn't know would be an uncomfortable experience for many woman.

It's not discriminating against men and it's certainly nothing like discriminating against someone on the basis of their colour or religion.

Be interesting to see a man try to take a case to court because a woman refuse to clean his house because he's a man.

If you turn down a man because of his sex you need to be prepared for people turning you down on the basis of your religion.

I agree with others such as Bowl - your safety comes first. It's a very different set-up from, say, working in a shop with other colleagues around you.

I used to let out a room in my house to cover my mortgage back when I was a student. I didn't actually specify "women only" and in fact had some male lodgers (mostly men I knew already, though). But whenever I let the room, the person viewing it was always told, as they walked in, "you're the second person to see it tonight, and obviously the previous person has first dibs if they want it." That way I had an easy out to turn them down if they made me uncomfortable - I could just ring and say later "sorry, [entirely fictitious] first dibs person wanted it - good luck finding somewhere elsewhere." (Obviously if I did find them okay, imaginary first dibs person would turn out not to want it).

When it's a situation where your safety is on the line (sharing a house with a stranger, going into people's houses to clean) of course you can be picky.