To not want to clean for a male client?

[AsdaTesco]

Ok, hear me out first. I put an ad on gumtree, Nextdoor app and Facebook. People started to text me saying they were looking for a cleaner. Great, one person texted me from gumtree on my number. I didn't know if it was a man or woman at first, found out later he was a man. Saying he was looking for a cleaner etc, anyway I saw his picture on whatsapp and it put me off, not a bad picture but it made me feel uncomfortable. So I didn't respond to him anymore.

Anyway two lovely ladies contacted me on the nextdoor app, I'm due to see them next week. But it got me thinking, AIBU to feel uncomfortable cleaning for a male client? What are other cleaners view on this? And how do you deal with it? Not saying I'm refusing to clean for a male client, but what can I do to feel comfortable about it?

As a woman I feel so uncomfortable and vulnerable when men respond to my ad online saying they need a cleaner, to go into their homes and not know what they're capable of. At least with a woman I feel comfortable. Someone else texted me today, but I don't know if it's a man or woman, AIBU to ask? Would you be offended?

Looking forward to hearing from you guys.

YABUand sexist

tsk tsk asda, you shouldnt have mentioned the hijab love. now you'll have people with their backs up about your religion posting to make a dig. most people are good yadiya. but better to stay anonymous, and never mention your a minority.

I don’t see what the issue is, maybe I’m missing something?

I work as a support worker for a male who lives on his own, I also clean for him as part of his support package. I don’t see men as predators and I’m happy to work alone with men or women.

Maybe you can state in you add that you would prefer working for women or family homes? Though I’m guessing a lot of people who need a cleaner are professional single men.

I don’t have a problem with it but I work for a company and customers will have been met by my employer before I go to them. Also someone else obviously knows where I am and I think that maybe makes a difference...?

However, is it about your safety per se or partly your cultural values too? If just safety then I think you can take steps to reassure yourself, but if it’s to do with your values as well then that’s a bit different, I think, and you just have to go with your gut instinct.

As said already, you need to be careful how you tell clients though as you could land yourself in hot water.

I wouldn't call this sex discrimination on OP's part, I'd call it someone trying to develop a personal safety policy for lone workers.

OP, the Suzy Lamplugh trust, named after a woman who went to see a single male client who was never seen alive again, may have practical advice for you. www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/lone-worker-training

A squirt of Flash/Pledge in the eye would be acceptable....(joking)
One of my customers is a gay female, should I be worried!

This isn’t about race it’s about gender the two arn’t the same.

In legal terms they are. Both are protected characteristics.

Triple, the OP wearing a hijab is only relevant in that it may give her an understanding of how unacceptable it is to be discriminated against because of personal prejudice. It shouldn't be relevant to her providing a cleaning service.

This is nothing like refusing someone service because of their colour or religion. If a woman working on her own feels uncomfortable going into the home of a strange man on her own then surely it's perfectly acceptable for her not to do so.

You are self employed so you choose who to work for and if anyone ( of either sex) makes you feel uncomfortable then you don’t have to work for them

I do feel incredibly sorry for the majority of men that are labelled as intimidating and goodness knows what else when they are generally harmless and just want a clean toilet.... equally would I want to make my point by entering random mens houses ...... probably not...

I would send a message saying "sorry I can't help you at present".

And if you feel "off" with someone then you don't have to work for them, and do listen to your instincts.

Ideally you should have someone know your schedule (especially with new clients), know the clients addresses and phone numbers and maybe even a system where you send them a text when you've left the client. This is basic safety precautions.

I would also think if you prefer to work for families it might be worth putting something in your ad saying "family friendly" as families can find it trickier to get good cleaners (due to mess etc.)

Why don’t you simply vet all of your potential clients? Maybe some of them wouldn’t want you in their home rummaging through their personal belongings. Not saying you do, but they have more reason to be uncomfortable with you than vice versa. I’d think you’d want to see the place you’re cleaning to see just what to expect and set a price accordingly. Some people don’t declutter before a cleaner comes and you spend half your time moving their things so you can clean surfaces.

**Bombardier - hi, yes I would suggest the OP fo the same for any clients she does not feel happy working with.

YANBU OP. I'd actually be concerned myself about the safety aspect of going to work in a total strangers house, contacted via gumtree, you've got no way of checking them out. I'd be looking for jobs through personal recommendations myself, that's how I have always found cleaners.failing that I would try and get someone to come with me for the initial meeting or clean.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Self employed people are allowed to pick and choose who they take work from and don’t have to give any reason other than it is not convenient for them to take the work.

I think given you can’t CRB check potential customers you have a right to be selective. I would also discourage advertising on Gumtree as in my own experience it does attract weirdos.

People can and do discriminate on who they work with. I know for a fact a lot of tradesmen refuse to deal with people with Muslim names because of consistent problems with non-payment, so don’t let people saying you wouldn’t be refused service as a Muslim guilt trip you into it.

OP not been back?

My cleaner is a man. It’s fine.

I don’t think YABU. It’s your own business and you reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for whatever reason.

I Airbnb our spare room sometimes, and usually do not accept bookings from lone males because our teenage DD doesn’t like having a strange man in the house overnight. I don’t think she’s being a bigot, I think she’s telling us what her boundaries are and we are respecting them.

YABU. In most walks of life discrimination on the grounds of gender is not tolerated, and employment is certainly one of them. How would you feel if you saw an advert asking for a cleaner but specifying "whites only" or "nobody over 25 considered"?

You need to deal with your issues as to why you consider men to be a threat for the mere fact they had the audacity to respond to an advert you placed offering your services.

Your safety is far more important than being concerned about whether you're being sexist or not. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. You have the right to ask whatever questions you want, and the potential client has the right to either answer or refuse.

It's very different
refusing to provide or receive a service because you disapprove of the person, their sex, lifestyle etc
vs refusing because you are worried about your personal safety

I remember the Suzy Lamplugh murder case, after which many firms at that time, especially estate agents, stopped sending out women on their own into strange houses.

Even recently, the cleaning firm I used would only ever send out 2 women together, never one alone.
Non-negotiable the owner said, for the safety of their employees.

Especially listen to your gut feel
Too many women get talked out of that, socialised to put their own feelings last.

btw, if anything did happen, some of the same posters indignant about excluding male customers would demand to know why "any sensible woman" would go into the house of a strange man

When o was training in psychotherapy I advertised it for ladies only for similar reasons.
Don’t feel bad about it op, listen to your feelings about this.

Personal safety concerns for lone workers like this have got nothing to do with a hypothetical 'whites-only' sign, Chelle

btw, if anything did happen, some of the same posters indignant about excluding male customers would demand to know why "any sensible woman" would go into the house of a strange man

Completely agreed.

While I'm aware of this: It still remains unlawful to refuse a service based on someone's protected characteristic and instinctively agree with it, I would always support a woman in saying that she doesn't want to place herself in what she perceives as a potentially vulnerable position.

It's very subjective. That perceived vulnerability will be formed by her past; upbringing, relationships with men generally, personality and any specific anxiety, etc.

If a woman says that being alone with a man, in his house, makes her feel vulnerable, then I wouldn't criticise her for it.

Would you suggest the same if the OP wanted to refuse service based on the potential client being a Jew?

Of course not, but it's not a helpful example. Most of the situations that I'm assuming the OP is concerned about - assault, intimidation etc. - are perpetrated by men, on women.

It's disingenuous to pretend that all situations are equal.