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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean for a male client?

140 replies

AsdaTesco · 10/10/2018 14:08

Ok, hear me out first. I put an ad on gumtree, Nextdoor app and Facebook. People started to text me saying they were looking for a cleaner. Great, one person texted me from gumtree on my number. I didn't know if it was a man or woman at first, found out later he was a man. Saying he was looking for a cleaner etc, anyway I saw his picture on whatsapp and it put me off, not a bad picture but it made me feel uncomfortable. So I didn't respond to him anymore.

Anyway two lovely ladies contacted me on the nextdoor app, I'm due to see them next week. But it got me thinking, AIBU to feel uncomfortable cleaning for a male client? What are other cleaners view on this? And how do you deal with it? Not saying I'm refusing to clean for a male client, but what can I do to feel comfortable about it?

As a woman I feel so uncomfortable and vulnerable when men respond to my ad online saying they need a cleaner, to go into their homes and not know what they're capable of. At least with a woman I feel comfortable. Someone else texted me today, but I don't know if it's a man or woman, AIBU to ask? Would you be offended?

Looking forward to hearing from you guys.

OP posts:
user139328237 · 10/10/2018 15:00

YABU and breaking the law.
You cannot refuse clients because they are male. The equality act states this pretty clearly.

Welshmaiden85 · 10/10/2018 15:00

I think you need to be upfront about it if that’s your policy. I hired a cleaner and it later turned out they had ‘issues’ with cleaning whilst a man was in the house alone. My husband works from home in a home office so basically meant I had to get a new cleaner or chaperone. To be honest, it really irritated me. If she had said straight away I wouldn’t have hired her in the first place.

BigChocFrenzy · 10/10/2018 15:00

Men - only 50% of the population - have 98% of the convictions for rape and sexual assault
and 85% of the convictions for serious violence.

We should deplore those statistics, but not ignore them when considering going alone into a strange house

Totally different to working with lots of people around you

reluctantbrit · 10/10/2018 15:03

You may find that the person is at work during the time he wants you to clean.

I can understand if you feel a person, woman or man, makes you uncomfortable but denying your service purely based on gender is wrong.

I employ a cleaner, I made the contact and talked to them. They come on a day I am at work, actually I insisted on this. But, DH works from home 90% of the days she comes and it never was a problem. So, first impression about meeting a potential client can be quite misleading.

MrsStrowman · 10/10/2018 15:03

This post is so clearly made up 🙄

BigChocFrenzy · 10/10/2018 15:04

Does the equality act really say a self-employed person or small firm cannot refuse male clients, when there is a clear safety issue ? Hmm

Quite different from stating one cannot refuse employment to a man

waterlego6064 · 10/10/2018 15:04

Refusing service to a black person because of their colour would of course be racist and unacceptable. There is no logic in such a decision.

Refusing to work in a private property where a strange man is alone is not sexist. It is logical decision based on statistics. A woman’s attitude to statistics regarding male violence may vary according to her background and previous life experiences. It’s really offensive to try and make women feel like they’re being unreasonable or paranoid if they are uncomfortable.

maxthemartian · 10/10/2018 15:05

YANBU you have every right to keep yourself safe and I find the comparisons to racism pretty disgusting.

kaytee87 · 10/10/2018 15:06

@BigChocFrenzy no it doesn't. People don't have a clue what they're talking about. No court in the land would say a lone female had to work in a mans house when she felt uncomfortable with it.

Dottierichardson · 10/10/2018 15:08

My rule in general is if you can avoid it don't put yourself in a situation you feel uncomfortable with. As for what anyone else thinks about that I just ignore them...You should do what's comfortable for you too.

underoverunder · 10/10/2018 15:08

You have every right to accept the work that you wish to accept and you don't need to have logical rules or explain yourself to anybody. It's usually good to trust your instincts. Once you start cleaning for other people, they will probably recommend you to people they know and then you would have a chance to know more about the home-owner before you agree to meet them. You won't necessarily have to say no to all sole-living males - but that is your choice to make - and if you'd rather only clean for females or married couples then that again is your choice.

AngelsSins · 10/10/2018 15:08

I wouldn’t do it either OP, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

I don’t give a shit about being “fair” to men, it’s not “fair” that so many women are raped every year, it’s not “fair” that men are so incredibly violent compared to women. I care more for my safety than a random mans feelings.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 10/10/2018 15:09

Trust your instincts.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/10/2018 15:09

Yes you are entitled to act on the fact that you don’t want to go into the houses of single men on your own.

Sounds sensible to me.

Original poster
AsdaTesco · 10/10/2018 15:10

It has nothing to do with my "culture" or religion. I'm just worried about my own safety, and I didn't say I will refuse. I just need to figure out how to go about it if it's a male living on his own. I'm just worried about my own safety that's all, my ad on gumtree has been up for a week now and I did have a few weirdos texting me about things that had nothing to do with cleaning.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt like this

OP posts:
Bowlofbabelfish · 10/10/2018 15:10

Any situation where you will be alone with a man you need to trust your gut. This is NOT the same as refusing someone because they’re of a religion. It’s to do with your safety not your prejudices.

Years back I worked in a lab and we often had sales people come in to pitch lab supplies to us. One guy always made me feel uncomfortable and kept asking to meet me at times and places I’d be alone. I always refused. Was he offended? I don’t care - my safety is more important.

At any time you as a female are providing services alone to a Male you should consider your safety.

Two words for you; Suzy lamplugh.

Your hijab is irrelevant, surely?

Bowlofbabelfish · 10/10/2018 15:11

Oh and you never refuse and sayvits because they’re Male. You tell ALL potential clients you’re very busy and will need to check your availability then get back quickly to the ones you want to work for.

maxthemartian · 10/10/2018 15:13

Definitely don't compromise your safety! Especially not on the basis of a bunch of internet idiots trying to prove a theoretical point.
Unfortunately men do terrible things to women far too often, and they are opportunistic about it. Don't put yourself in terms way. Fuck "fairness". We can talk about fairness when no more women are assaulted, raped and murdered by men.

mumsastudent · 10/10/2018 15:14

it may be a young single (domestically useless or frightfully busy - studying & working too -harmless) male - (thinks: young relative!) ring & talk to him first - if danger bells ring you can always say no.

Original poster
AsdaTesco · 10/10/2018 15:15

Yes, I will text him back saying I'm fully booked or something like that.

OP posts:
hibbledibble · 10/10/2018 15:19

Op you are falsely assuming that a man who is living with a woman is safer than a man who is living alone.

If you are cleaning for a couple or family there may well be times when it is just you and an adult male in the house.

You can call potential clients before working for them, this is probably a good idea to clarify expectations on both sides. It also has the benefit that you would know their gender.

In terms of safety I would always find out the address in advance, and share with someone you trust where you are going.

Once you have clients who are happy with you then you will get work via word of mouth.

Original poster
AsdaTesco · 10/10/2018 15:20

@mumsastudent he wasn't young young.. I saw his picture on whatsapp. I'd say late 40s

OP posts:
Sethis · 10/10/2018 15:21

You can do whatever you like, but it's quite depressing to think that you're going to go through your entire life being terrified of males.

user838383 · 10/10/2018 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 10/10/2018 15:25

Cleaning business owner here.

I understand all your fears and uncertainties. They are legitimate and don't let anyone minimise these.

I no longer clean much and when I do it's with my husband but I used to be a solo cleaner about 20 years ago and as per male clients or husbands being home alone I had three bad experiences and the last one was not just me but I had started to grow my business and had another female cleaner with me. She said she could handle the (married) guy and we would stick together in the house but turned out she couldn't ... so we left, sharpish never to return.

Now I have to quote for my cleaning company alone and my husband will never allow me to quote for a male client (whether they are married or not) without him sitting outside in the car. He will literally wait for over half an hour rather than risk me being the next Suzie Lamplugh. Sometimes practically he's had to be elsewhere in the business when I've gone to quote for a man but I give him the address and time of the quote and he never fails to be outside when I come out. We wave at one another and both drive off and go about our day.

For women that work alone in clients' homes the fear can be real and it's not there for no realistic reason. Men have committed crimes like this and although the vast majority just want a cleaning service plain and simple, it only takes once for it to go horribly wrong.

If I were in your shoes again now I wouldn't take an unknown male client if I worked alone, but I would consider male clients who came to me through referral.

You won't need the business as good cleaners are always fully booked after a few months trading but the thing you DO need is to stay safe and secure.

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