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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don’t want partner to go out

117 replies

dawn96 · 09/10/2018 13:13

Me and my partner have been rowing constantly lately because he’s going out clubbing for a weekend far away with his mates and all their girlfriends (I’m the only one not going as usual because I’m the only one with kids) there’s a lot of them and I’m not happy about it at all ,he’s booked the weekend off work even though he tells me he can never have time off for anything which is a bummer anyway ! But I’m angry because it’s less than 1 week after im being induced and I have a two year old already and no support whatsoever ,I’ll have a 4/5 day old baby and a two year old all in my own for the entire weekend why he goes and gets drunk and has a jolly good time ,I told him I’m not happy about it and that I could end up having a c section and then who’s going to help me and he says I’m trying to ruin his life and control him ,Am I unreasonable to tell him I don’t want him to go and not back down about this ,I’m 99% sure he’s going to go regardless of how I feel in fact he said he’s definitely going now I’m being so immature about it 😩 I’m trying to be okay with it but I’m not at all

OP posts:

Original poster

dawn96 · 09/10/2018 13:14

He says I’m only stopping him because I’m jealous too

OP posts:

UserName31456789 · 09/10/2018 13:14

YANBU that's a bloody ridiculous thing to do. How old is he? He sounds far too selfish and immature to be a dad.

nineteenthday · 09/10/2018 13:16

I was ready to tell you YANMU but your not. He wants to fuck off a couple of days after his newborn is born (potentially you could still be in hospital and the baby might not even of been born/just arrived). If it was me and he went- I’d be telling to pack a much larger bag because he wouldn’t be coming back.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 09/10/2018 13:16

After reading the title I was fully prepared to tell you YWBU but he's planning a weekend away clubbing less than a week after you're being induced??!! He's having a fucking laugh! Is he normally this selfish, irresponsible and childish?

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 13:16

Wow, is it his kid?

That's as selfish as it gets. Who fucks off for a holiday when they have a new born and then tries to blame their partner for being jealous.

Right prince amongst men you've got there.

Purpleartichoke · 09/10/2018 13:18

Partners don’t leave a week after childbirth for recreation. There is something seriously wrong with him.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 09/10/2018 13:18

He sounds selfish and immature and not ready for fatherhood at all. Of course YANBU.

JessieLemon · 09/10/2018 13:18

What the fuck

What sort of man books a weekend away clubbing a week after his girlfriend is due to have their baby?

Is he for real?

Has he always been like this or has something changed recently? If he has always been this way WHY did you have one let alone two kids with him? And if this is a recent thing, I have some deep suspicions about his true intentions behind going. Something pretty engaging and interesting must be happening on this weekend away for him to be willing to do this. Jesus Christ.

Sirzy · 09/10/2018 13:18

Like pp I was ready to say your being unreasonable until it got to the bit about induction!

IlonaRN · 09/10/2018 13:19

Who will look after your (his?) 2-year-old if you have to stay in hospital for a few days?

I went in on Thursday morning to be induced and didn't get to go home until Wednesday evening.

DecisionsDecisionsOhMy · 09/10/2018 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alwaysontimeneverlate · 09/10/2018 13:19

Yeah he's being a dick, but assuming this isn't new behaviour, why are you having a child with him?

He will never put you or the children first.

I never say this but get rid, you obviously can't rely on him anyway so what's the difference.

LJFM2B · 09/10/2018 13:21

For me i think any other reasons (ie not being able to go yourself and having fomo etc) is something you would be able to get over BUT he is actually having a joke wanting to go away only days after having his baby?!

My DH's friends were booking a weekend ski trip for beginng of feb and im due end of december and i said NO WAY and reminded him he will have a baby who will be anything from 3 weeks - 5 weeks old at this point and he should WANT to not leave them at that point ... reality hit and he said no to his friends and they moved the trip to the end of march for him as i feel like we will be in the swing of family life by that point!!

you are not being unreasonable!!

CountessVonBoobs · 09/10/2018 13:23

Um, whattheactualfuck?

Dump. now. There is no coming back from this, and clearly he's a shit dad and partner anyway.

Kittykat93 · 09/10/2018 13:23

My induction took 4 days to work! So you may have literally just given birth, be in a lot of pain, caring for a newborn AND a toddler and he's swanning off clubbing?!?! Is this a joke?

If he went ahead and did this I'd be seriously considering the relationship.

notapizzaeater · 09/10/2018 13:25

Wow, that's hard ! Who's looking after the 2 yr old whilst you're in hospital ? I ended up staying in 5 days, what's your contingency plan?

Tohaveandtohold · 09/10/2018 13:30

I honestly can’t believe this.
Is he a child?
Of course YANBU. I can’t imagine which grown up man would choose to go out clubbing just days after his baby is born leaving you to look after 2 kids.

Pinkgeorge · 09/10/2018 13:34

I’d be telling him not to come back at all

Pacificwander · 09/10/2018 13:34

Wow what a story to tell his child in the future
' the week you were born i fucked off for the whole weekend to get drunk left your mother to deal with returning from the hospital all by herself caring for you and older sibling and her recovery without any support!!'
How could anyone be jealous of such a selfish unreliable pitiful excuse of a partner/father to be of a newborn? Op you know you're not & don't let him manipulate your genuine sheer disappointment of his behaviour.

Original poster

dawn96 · 09/10/2018 13:35

It’s an annual thing apparently even though he hasn’t done it the last two years ,he booked it without telling me but still knew the situation so says he can’t cancel “even if he wanted too” which is extremely hurtful as well ! it is his kid they both are lol he’s 23 and he’s usually an amazingly helpful Dad ! It’s extremly out of caracter but then again it’s out of character for me to not want him to go out so I’ve never really tried to stop him doing anything so I’ve never really known if he is totally selfish I’ve never asked him to sacrifice before if that makes sense and we’ve been together for years, they’re all mutual friends of mine so I trust he’s not up to no good maybe he’s just sick of me I’m not sure ! I’m glad I’m not being unreasonable I’m usually the most laid back ever but I’m terrified that I’ll be really sore and alone with my 2 year old ,first time round I was very able and wasn’t in much pain and I’m thinking he’s got it into his head it’ll be the same again but it won’t be with a scheduled induction I don’t imagine

OP posts:

3luckystars · 09/10/2018 13:37

He is acting like a selfish childish idiot.

Original poster

dawn96 · 09/10/2018 13:38

My in laws but they go on holiday the same weekend he’s going away so if I do have to stay in hospital it’ll be my brother but he’s only met my 2 year old once so it’ll be awful for her being with a stranger ,I’ll be absolutely heartbroken if that happens and I do think it’ll result in me leaving my partner

OP posts:

Justanothernameonthepage · 09/10/2018 13:39

He doesn't care about you or the kids and he is going to do whatever he wants. I suggest you have a think about what you want. If you want a kind loving relationship, you're not going to have it with him. In your shoes I'd plan to leave - ideally if you have family, ask them for help. Get somewhere where you can recover without looking after 2 kids and a selfish arse. Tell the midwife that he's planning on leaving you alone and get some numbers for practical help if you won't leave.

CountessVonBoobs · 09/10/2018 13:40

Of course he can cancel if he wants. Are the army going to turn up and march him to a clubbing weekend with a gun to his head?

The fact that you call him a "helpful" dad strongly makes me suspect that, pardon me OP, your standard for this are rather low. Dads don't "help". They parent, because they're parents.

It sounds like he is not ready or able to step up to what being a dad of 2 really involves. Is he really just going to dump your 2yo if you're still in hospital then? I would start getting ready to be single, because this isn't going anywhere good.

Justanothernameonthepage · 09/10/2018 13:41

And it sounds as though he's fine playing at being a dad, but being a parent means sometimes putting your kids first. And when one is a newborn and the other is going through a huge change. Well that's one of the time kids come before nights out.

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