I don’t want partner to go out

[dawn96]

Me and my partner have been rowing constantly lately because he’s going out clubbing for a weekend far away with his mates and all their girlfriends (I’m the only one not going as usual because I’m the only one with kids) there’s a lot of them and I’m not happy about it at all ,he’s booked the weekend off work even though he tells me he can never have time off for anything which is a bummer anyway ! But I’m angry because it’s less than 1 week after im being induced and I have a two year old already and no support whatsoever ,I’ll have a 4/5 day old baby and a two year old all in my own for the entire weekend why he goes and gets drunk and has a jolly good time ,I told him I’m not happy about it and that I could end up having a c section and then who’s going to help me and he says I’m trying to ruin his life and control him ,Am I unreasonable to tell him I don’t want him to go and not back down about this ,I’m 99% sure he’s going to go regardless of how I feel in fact he said he’s definitely going now I’m being so immature about it 😩 I’m trying to be okay with it but I’m not at all

You're trying to ruin his life? My 13yo comes out with that sort of line, and frankly gets short shrift for it.

Yes, he is young, but presumably he chose to have these children, and there comes a point where growing up is a necessity.

I would be stating very clearly and calmly that this is not the time for him to be doing this and if he goes, he will not be returning. And mean it. Which means you need to get other support in place.

Yeah, I thought the you're trying to ruin my life was a bit teenage. It's like a teenager who has been grounded. You'd not expect it from a 23 year old man, a father with his second child due, about going away on the piss with his mates.

Tell him to go and not come back. Or he cancels and loses the money so he can be there to support you. There is no third option.

Yanbu.
I wouldn't be gussying up and cooking his favourite dinner for him in order to discuss it either. That is ridiculous.

What a selfish fucker. What would he do if your labour took a long time and the baby hadn't arrived by the time he was due to leave. I suppose he'd just fuck off on his weekend bender anyway, as he "can't cancel".

Supposing you or baby have to stay in for a few days? It would be awful for your 2yo to be left with someone she doesn't know.

I think I'd be minded to ask his mum to explain to him exactly how unwell and knackered you're going to be, and how much support you'll need.

What an absolute piece of shit he is.

Not much of a dad then, after all, is he.
Because a decent dad wouldn't leave the mother of his children to fend for herself a few days after having a newborn baby, while he fucks off to go clubbing with this mates.
A decent dad would stay around, look after his partner, look after his 2 year old and actually, you know, CARE about his family. The one he helped create.

He is a selfish, fuckwitted knobber and is probably having an affair with one of the others who is going on the weekend. And even if he isn't playing away, he's STILL a selfish, fuckwitted knobber.

Don't row about it, just tell him if he goes then he won't be welcome back.

*Cook dinner tonight, get him nice and chilled out and then talk to him about it rather then looking like your going on the attack like “look what I posted on Mumsnet today and they all think your a selfish prick too” as soon as he walks in the door like some people do. Pretend it doesn’t exist when he comes home- then when he’s chilled out bring it up

Yes, put some nice make-up on a dress really pretty. Also, give a blow job while your at it and gently discuss why he is acting this way 🙄*

At least a blow job would ensure no more kids with this twat

Wow what an overwhelming response I’m so sorry I can’t reply to all of you but it seems like everyone is thinking the same ,I feel so much better now that I’m not being unreasonable and I can’t even believe I was second guessing myself ! We’ve had a “talk” since I posted this more like I’ve spoken and he’s been utterly pathetic with childish reply of “whatever” . I’m so angry with him I have told him I’m scared I don’t want to be alone and I think it’s totally unfair for me and his response was “how will you cope when I go back to work then” and I said to his mum what had happened and she honestly said she would cancel her holiday to help me !!!! I can’t believe this family. How can she think that’s the fair way to do things it’s her 50th birthday present and everything, I told him that I would leave if he doesn’t want to be there to help us when we need him and he said “go on then” I can’t even wrap my head around this situation it seems so unbelievably shite and I’ve never felt less wanted or unimportant in my life ! I’m considering going to stay with my parents who live 5 hours away who I’m not close with if I’m honest I don’t feel like I’m wanted around here ,His parents seem to think it’s okay and they’re the only support I have aside from him ,I said have you not planned for the worst ,I hate to even think about it but I said to him god forbid our son be born poorly then what will happen you’d be okay with leaving to go partying and he said “you’re being ridiculous now” I like to think he’s just being stubborn and actually he’s feeling guilty and too proud to admit he’s made a mistake and that he’s not actually that freaking selfish! Annoys me so much not jealous ir controlling in bloody scared about being alone with a tiny baby and a toddler ! If he can’t understand that I don’t think I want him anymore

So sorry that you have to put up with this twat dawn, but honestly it sounds like you will cope fine without him and you will have your two beautiful kids.

His parents sound like the reason he is acting like a spoilt brat. Honestly... this doesn't bode well- he's still a child himself.

I'd calmly ask him ok so when your family need you the most you'll rather be off out clubbing drinking far away..that tells me all I need to know and no don't worry I'm not jealous I'm actually thoroughly disgusted, disappointed and ashamed that this is the father of my two children that I cannot rely on. And if you feel me wanting your support during the arrival of your new baby equals me controlling you then why stay?..go on fuck off to your social life don't let us 'your partner and children' keep you from it a moment longer. Oh and by the way that weekend you 're away you'll need to bring your 2 year old with you as I'll be busy bye now off you go

The relationships all but over really isn't it? He's shown his true colours and unless he shapes up I would be making plans to split. I wonder how vulnerable you are- are you married? I would tell him to go and enjoy his trip, and whilst he's away to think quickly about he's going to manage the 24/7 care of two children his half of the week on his return.

Your DP is vile.
I can only think, given you say he’s been fine before, that he wants out and is being deliberately revolting.
I’d go back to ILs and tell them that him abandoning you is a deal breaker so can they have a word as, for the sake of your unborn child, you can’t put yourself through more stress by dealing with it.
Personally Id contact his friends, especially the women to tell them what the position is, that you’re scared, and maybe they could have a word. Hopefully they’ll also be disgusted with him and give him a hard time on his weekend away.

LTB

Please. Do it now. Speak to your midwife about transferring care to a hospital near your parents’ house and go stay with them. You deserve better.

This is so low I can’t begin to imagine what he is thinking.

Oh and tell his precious friends why you are leaving him. If one of my mates did this to his partner he wouldn’t be a friend anymore:

Just wondering if you don't get on with your parents because they didn't approve of your choice of partner? Second the above advice to get to your parents and make sure you are surrounded by people for whom you and your children are their number one priority.

I think you need to tell him to leave now and go to his parents. He’s just upsetting and stressing you out. You need focus on you and your children. There’s no point in discussing it any further really, he knows how you feel, why should you keep trying to convince him he’s a cunt.

In the morning call your midwife and find out what your options are and what support they can offer.

He’s a fucking cock. He really is. He is showing you who he is. He’s prepared to abandon his family for a piss up.

Doesn’t matter what kind of birth you have. You’ll also have a two year old kicking around. You may be in hospital for days. His priority isn’t your or her safety and security. No his priority is booze.

When you say he’s helpful I get the overwhelming feeling he does the bare minimum but you’re so grateful he does anything that it counts. Get some support. Do you trust your in laws to be around at birth etc? What did his mum say about him fucking off? I would be mortified if my son said this.

He's a cunt, end of.

YANBU at all. I understand everyone else's comments about leaving him and dumping him but I can also see from another point of view. Yes he is hugely immature, selfish, a prick and everything else everyone has said but maybe you could just try having a talk with him. Maybe he feels like he should be going out. As you said your friends don't have kids so he may feel like he's the odd one out and rather than facing up to his responsibilities he would rather fit in with the crowd. I'm in no way suggesting this behaviour is right nor condoning it but if arguing and getting upset isn't helping you may have to dig deeper to find the real issue. If you can be at least half sure he's not cheating on you then it could just be he doesn't want to say no to his mates cause he's the only one with kids. His priorities are all wrong but if you actually want to sort this out you're going to half to be the adult and help him realise what his priorities are. I wish you all the luck in the world x

My bad. Didn't read your latest response. Fuck him. He's a complete twat.

Crikey!
What a wanker! Like others, I got halfway down your post and thought this would be a YABU but he seems like a total bellend.

Just leave him, OP. In the long term, you will be better off without him. You do not want to waste your entire life with such an uncaring prick and you certainly don't want your kids growing up thinking he's a role model. Cos he's not.

Doesn’t matter what kind of birth you have. You’ll also have a two year old kicking around. You may be in hospital for days. His priority isn’t your or her safety and security. No his priority is booze.

And not only that, but then he'll let his mum cancel a 50th birthday holiday to stay and help so that he doesn't have to.

What a pathetic, horrible little boy.

Do you have parents who are supportive and can accommodate you with 2 kids for a couple of months? If yes, then I would go there now. Get your care transferred to their location.

I realize not everyone has helpful parents. I know I could not have relied on mine after childbirth, but I am really hoping you have someone who can support you while you recover and get yourself set up