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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want partner to go out

117 replies

dawn96 · 09/10/2018 13:13

Me and my partner have been rowing constantly lately because he’s going out clubbing for a weekend far away with his mates and all their girlfriends (I’m the only one not going as usual because I’m the only one with kids) there’s a lot of them and I’m not happy about it at all ,he’s booked the weekend off work even though he tells me he can never have time off for anything which is a bummer anyway ! But I’m angry because it’s less than 1 week after im being induced and I have a two year old already and no support whatsoever ,I’ll have a 4/5 day old baby and a two year old all in my own for the entire weekend why he goes and gets drunk and has a jolly good time ,I told him I’m not happy about it and that I could end up having a c section and then who’s going to help me and he says I’m trying to ruin his life and control him ,Am I unreasonable to tell him I don’t want him to go and not back down about this ,I’m 99% sure he’s going to go regardless of how I feel in fact he said he’s definitely going now I’m being so immature about it 😩 I’m trying to be okay with it but I’m not at all

OP posts:
nineteenthday · 09/10/2018 13:42

This is what I’d do OP:

Cook dinner tonight, get him nice and chilled out and then talk to him about it rather then looking like your going on the attack like “look what I posted on Mumsnet today and they all think your a selfish prick too” as soon as he walks in the door like some people do. Pretend it doesn’t exist when he comes home- then when he’s chilled out bring it up.

Ask him why it has to be specifically that weekend. Can’t he have a weekend a couple of months down the line with his friends? Maybe a night out for Christmas?

He won’t agree to it I’d be telling him not to bother coming home because the locks will be changed, his shit will be in storage (or at his parents/siblings/friends) and he will have to fight through court to see his D.C. because you won’t be taking him back.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2018 13:44

If he cared remotely about his kids he wouldn't do this op. He'd want to at least be with the two year old. If he cared about you, he wouldn't do it either, he wouldn't even consider it,

And the words he's using to you, jealous, controlling, trying to ruin his life, like he's some sort of teenager, is abysmal.

It would be the end for me. It really would.

Redken24 · 09/10/2018 13:44

Is this your first CS - If he is allowed in theatre I am sure he will change his tune.

troodiedoo · 09/10/2018 13:45

This is so sad to read, you poor thing. Does he have a sensible relative that could knock some sense into him?

Thinking long term, I would suggest ltb. Your priority now should be finding reliable help post birth. Could you afford a mothers help?

Redken24 · 09/10/2018 13:45

By that I mean it's a big op. Sorry pressed too son

RB68 · 09/10/2018 13:46

Let him go - tell him to take the big suitcase and all his wardrobe and lock the door behind him.

CountessVonBoobs · 09/10/2018 13:48

Op is having an induction not a CS, redken.

StompyDino · 09/10/2018 13:52

I would definitely give him an ultimatum- if he goes he shouldn’t come back. What a selfish prick.

You’ve already had a child together so he will know how challenging the first few days out but he still wants to go, and presumably he knows you’ve not got much help? Unbelievable!

SirVixofVixHall · 09/10/2018 13:52

Inductions very frequently end in c-sections, so would he leave you, days after surgery, with a newborn baby and toddler ? You couldn’t cope without help, you can’t lift or anything.
Even with a normal delivery you will be at the beginning of recovery, you might have stitches, you will be establishing breastfeeding and will need someone to look after the tinies while you shower etc. You will be pretty exhausted and need help.
Honestly I can’t believe he would do this, what an absolute idiot. How old is he ?

basquiat · 09/10/2018 13:53

Your husband is a dick. You can do better.

GU24Mum · 09/10/2018 13:54

I doubt you'll change his mind at this stage as the reality of No 2 arriving has still not hit him. Wait and see how things go, when the baby arrives and how you're feeling. If you really are struggling and he still refuses to change his plans then you know what to do with the locks while he's away................ I'd hope though that there's a reasonable chance that when it comes to it he'll see sense and not go.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/10/2018 13:54

basquiat has just said what we are all thinking, I imagine.

Redken24 · 09/10/2018 13:54

Oops sorry! Reading and eating.
I'm sure he will realise he being an idiot.

woollyheart · 09/10/2018 13:54

Unbelievable! Of course he could cancel.
Most normal partners would cancel anything this close - it's a

Pacificwander · 09/10/2018 13:55

Well he's not being a helpful dad now is he? He's showing you who he truly is clubbing with friends is more important than you and his almost two children.
Any decent man would wait until after the birth to even look at or arrange dates to go away with friends.Can he not even comprehend that that it's his baby too and he needs to be fully supportive and hands on for those first days and weeks of his newborns life.
He should be picking up the slack with toddler and the home while you give birth/recover and settle in to newborn feeding/sleeping schedule.

woollyheart · 09/10/2018 13:56

It's just an outing with friends, not comparable with your partner having a baby

JessieLemon · 09/10/2018 13:57

The fact he’s willing to leave his existing child alone with a practical stranger to go clubbing while you’re with a newborn or possibly in labour shows what an absolute selfish cunt he is. He ‘can’t cancel even if he wanted to’? Hilarious.

He isn’t suitable father or partner material. If things are this bad now, I can’t see them ever improving. I’d start making plans to ensure I had everything lined up to be a single parent if I needed to. This relationship is doomed.

slingingtothemusicinmyhead · 09/10/2018 13:58

What an utter cunt.

You say that the friends he is going away with are your friends too?

Right, you need to tell them all that you're being induced the week before. If they're decent people THEY will tell him he is a cunt too.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/10/2018 13:58

Surely the friends will think he's a selfish dick too?

Who the hell does that a couple of days after their partner gives birth to their child?

He can't cancel even if he wanted to? Utter bollox.

I would be wary about telling him not to bother coming back, as he might use this as an excuse to go 'on a break' for his nice little weekend away and do whatever it is he has planned, then come back and make up with you and if he got up to anything, it won't count, as you were on a break.

So sorry you are in this situation, must be very stressful. Could you talk to his parents about it? It is their grandchild too. Just explain how worried you are and hope they talk some sense into him?

But yes, please think about your long-term options, because he sounds like a selfish shit.

mostdays · 09/10/2018 13:59

LTB, because this will be your life otherwise.

CountessVonBoobs · 09/10/2018 13:59

Inductions very frequently end in c-sections

It's OPs second and her first was probably vaginal or I doubt they'd be recommending induction, so statistically it's actually fairly unlikely she'd have a CS, although the induction might take a while to work. It's always a possibility though.

SerenDippyEggs · 09/10/2018 14:00

Your partner is a fucking arsehole! Absolutely no way is this okay. Hope he sees the light soon Thanks

PaintingOwls · 09/10/2018 14:00

Is he 19?

If I were you I'd tell him he's free to go but he can't expect to be allowed back.

I'd get my family/friends lined up as support for the birth etc, and change the locks while he's away.

Selfish awful man.

slingingtothemusicinmyhead · 09/10/2018 14:01

Also, you need to stop him ruining your life.

He's not a father, he's a sperm donor.

Kittykat93 · 09/10/2018 14:03

It really doesn't matter if the op ends up with a vaginal or c section birth. I had induction and a vaginal with ventouse delivery and I was very sore for a good couple of weeks. I can honestly say I couldn't have coped without a lot of hands on support from my dp.