Is having a hen do for a vow renewal cheesy as fuck?

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

Friends seem all for it but I'm not sure, would you think it's ridiculous?

I can’t imagine anyone begrudging her a wedding day given she missed out on her first

Neither can I. Maybe that's a completely different scenario from what's being discussed here though. I can't really understand why people choose to have vow renewals. WA celebrations, yes. Bloody big ones if you like. But you've already done the vows, why do them again? Unless somebody has broken them, which is what happened with the only couple I know who have renewed their vows.

Vow renewal as in case is just celebrating the breaking of your vows - nothing to celebrate imo!

Hen night to celebrate the celebration of the breaking of your vows even tackier!

*As in case of OP

Why not just have a wedding anniversary celebration to say yes we've had a tough time but we're through it and still married!

I had a retrospective hen do 18 months after my wedding. Any excuse!

Ostentatious vow renewals are synonymous with infidelity. They scream desperation. If they vows didn't stick the first time they’re not going to stick a second one. Spend the money on decent counselling with relate and have some dignity.

Fair comment @IncyWincyGrownUp

Yes, ridiculous.

But then I think vow renewals are very silly too.

Many people will think vow renewals are because one half (or both!) broke their vows by cheating, so they now must be retaken. You can’t stop other people thinking what they will, even if it’s not true. If you don’t care, crack on.

As I said, in the case of my friend she married in a rush when desperately ill. She can’t remember the ceremony. She couldn’t walk down the aisle. She has one photo of someone in a wheelchair with her husband who looks nothing like her due to the toll cancer had taken on her.

I can’t imagine anyone begrudging her a wedding day given she missed out on her first.

It is not a wedding day though. She can wear a nice dress, walk down the aisle, have some pictures taken but she is already married, she can't get married again.

I wouldn't be begrudge it but I do think it devalues marriage. A wedding is about the vows not the party and they are done. Like someone else said, it is not a show. She may not have got the party she dreamed of but she is married.

She should look forward not back.

*It is not a wedding day though. She can wear a nice dress, walk down the aisle, have some pictures taken but she is already married, she can't get married again.

I wouldn't be begrudge it but I do think it devalues marriage. A wedding is about the vows not the party and they are done. Like someone else said, it is not a show. She may not have got the party she dreamed of but she is married*

She can’t remember the vows she took. She wants a wedding day where she can share vows with her husband and remember the words they shared. Where she can be given away by her daughter (again) and remember it. Where she can listen to the words of the registrar and hear them. I can’t see how you could possibly think that devalues marriage.

I don't understand vow renewals either. You make them for life so why make them twice? If it is because the vows have been broken than at least one party cleary didn't take them seriously, then so again, you what's the point?

I understand people wanting the dress/party/honeymoon they never had, but so have a party to celebrate an anniversary or just for the party's sake. To have a second "wedding" is strange, the whole point of a wedding is it happens once to start a marriage.

Yes, a hen night would be beyond odd, but if you want a big night out with your mates, then have one.

I don’t even understand vow renewal. I made mine in full knowledge of the lifetime commitment we were making and the original vows remain current. We’ll have a big party or two for our Pearl and Golden wedding anniversarys though.

I think the whole idea of renewing vows is pretty pointless...a hen do even more so, 😐

Oops, posted without reading the whole thread, sorry. In the case of your friend I would go all out to have the wedding she never had, including the hen do!

It’s a bit odd to have another hen do....I’m not against vow renewals, my parents had one when they hit 25yrs, just a mention and a blessing from the priest that had married them and then a small lunch at his house afterwards, it was lovely

Kr1stina, sorry but I think people who automatically think a couple are having a renewal are doing so because one of them cheated are nasty. Why would you even think of that? I don't.

Yes, we could have a party to celebrate our 40th except we both hate parties. We may decide just to go for a nice meal with immediate family but both think a vow renewal is a nice thing. I do think it seems a bit silly after only a few years but after about 25 I see nothing wrong with it.

So many posters saying when you get married the vows are for life so no need to renew - surely with that thinking even a second marriage is pointless and silly. With so many people divorced and remarried once, twice, three times or more it seems many people did not make the vows "for life". Me and DH did and don't see why we shouldn't re-affirm them to show that we have had 40 very very happy years

Everything in your title is as cheesey as. But. why not if its your kind of thing?

Yanbu cheese 🧀 and attention-fest.

wedding vows aren't driver's licenses. They don't expire.

I am with the other posters that vow renewals that are really wedding re-dos to me scream infidelity, and frankly, usually the death knell of a relationship. Why not just throw an anniversary party after a difficult time? Of course, if a couple wants to throw a private/ very small renewal I doubt anyone would have a problem with that. It is when people weren't satisfied with their small weddings and want the bridal feel that is pretty silly and screams attention/ infidelity. The worst I have seen is vow renewals with wedding gift lists!

A hen do for a vow renewal is ridiculous. By all means have girls night out, but at a hen do, I usually buy some drinks for the bride and contribute to the wider night. Pretty cheeky to throw yourself a party where everyone is buying you drinks.

Sorry was out most of yesterday! Will read through all the replies. My feeling is yes it's cheesy but a night out I guess does no harm...not sure about the banners etc though. Thanks for all the replies, I love you vipers as you tell it exactly like it is x

mydog

A second marriage is a fresh start. It is preceded by a divorce or death of a spouse so there are no vows in place.

Jacques that is fantastic that your friend can enjoy her wedding and everyone who loves her can celebrate her health. It will be an amazing day! It is still a wedding, not a renewal imo. A renewal is when the vows have been broken and so it is an opportunity to start afresh. Personally I wouldn't want to throw a hen and stag party into the mix if I were in this situation. I think renewals are pretty personal too and if I were in that situation, it would be just about me and DH, it certainly wouldn't be a big party!

The losing weight scenario really isn't about renewing vows either. It is about having another wedding so you can have lovely pictures. I find that pretty weird personally and I cannot imagine wasting all that money for my own vanity. I speak as someone who has lost 9 stone myself!

Jacques - that's a fairly individual circumstance and I don't think anyone in real life would begrudge their friend that.

Vow renewals in general though? I'm afraid that even if I wouldn't think "affair", then the next answer is "self indulgent attention seeking". I'm getting married soon and will thoroughly enjoy it, but it is an immensely personal thing, and I can't imagine being as egotistic as to expect everyone to gather around to watch the rerun in years to come.

I find it cringeworthy to ask people to celebrate our love tbh, let alone do it again later. It's like people posting soppy statuses on Facebook - always the ones who have blazing rows offline.

A bit cheesy, you could call it a pre party rather than hen? If you've come through a bad time and want to celebrate why not?