Is having a hen do for a vow renewal cheesy as fuck?

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

Friends seem all for it but I'm not sure, would you think it's ridiculous?

Hen do’s are cheesey. So are renewals. The ones i know sho have renewed had affairs and got back together. Most are.

So a pre-party for a party basically?

Ewwwwwwwww. No.

I agree with you, Laiste. While I might think 'cheating' if I heard of a random couple renewing vows, I imagine that if close friends of mine were doing the same, I would know why they were doing it and would support them.

I don't really get the vow renewal thing, but then I'm sure lots of my friends don't get the whole 'Christian baptism' thing, but they still came to support us and I would do the same for something that was important to my friends.
@onlyfamandclosefknow I think that sounds lovely - your friends will support you, I am sure.

Renewals seem like everything's worn out and crap so hey ho let's just renew our vows, any excuse for another bash. Hen dos are equally as ludicrous. Pure tat and common as muck! In any shape or form I'm afraid.

Vow renewal? Why not? The reason for it doesn’t matter...it is simply about the couple re-confirming their commitment to each other. Some people might choose to do that in private, others in front of family and friends. In any case, I would be delighted to be there. In a world where so many relationships are breaking down I would be pleased to be part of a vow renewal and would be honoured my friend wanted me there.

Not sure about having a hen do but, hey, it is an excuse for a party so why not?

A vow renewal is cheesy as fuck anyway so why not go the whole hog and have a hen do too.

You might guess I am personally not a fan of vow renewals, I find them attention seeking and crass, did both of you not mean it the first time? All marriages go through "better or worse", that's what your original vows were for. Something went wrong, get back on track and get on with your original promises to each other, publicly renewing the vows makes a mockery of your first vows and the long term commitment you already made.

My aunt and uncle renewed their vows as she lost about 10 stone and wanted to wear a smaller wedding dress

I really don’t see how her losing weight broke the original wedding vows. Did he only want to love and cherish her when she was 10 stone heavier ?

What's the point of renewing your vows at all? Surely by definition a vow is said once and lasts forever.

did both of you not mean it the first time?

Well in the case of my friend she was so smacked off her face on medication and painkillers she remembers a lot of pain.

She also wants to walk down the aisle instead of being pushed in a wheelchair.

She wants to be able to wear a wedding dress.

It isn’t about not meaning her vows, it’s about the chance to have the wedding day she didn’t get.

not a lot of ceremony and a lot of pain that should have said

I think if it's your friends who are for a ladies night, then why not?

Any excuse to get the girls together for a night out, is a good excuse in my book!

Kr1stina it had absolutely nothing to do with him tbh, she felt she hadn't enjoyed the day as much because she felt so self conscious and wanted to have an opportunity to do the day again when she felt more comfortable in herself. They didn't expect gifts or anything and it was a lovely day. Nothing to do with cheating or a bad marriage.

It isn’t about not meaning her vows, it’s about the chance to have the wedding day she didn’t get

That’s a shame for her. But it doesn’t really work to have a rerun does it? It feels fake and most people attending will think it’s naff but go along with it politely .

It’s like saying “ I didn’t like my hairdo / figure at my graduation/ 18th birthday so I’m going to do it again and everyone has to pretend that I’ve just left uni / am 18 again.

A marriage is a legal contact and a wedding is the social celebration that goes along with that in our culture. It’s not just about the bride “ having her day “. It’s not a show or a performance that you can rerun without losing the meaning .

People who want to celebrate being married for x amount of time have a party for their wedding anniversary .

People who want to wear a big fancy dress and have everyone look at them can have a big birthday bash. Or there are plenty other excuses for having a big party - buying a new house, getting a promotion.

Of course it’s entirely up to them and I wouldn’t say a word if I knew the couple concerned . But I think that most people think it’s a bit pathetic and attention seeking .

*That’s a shame for her. But it doesn’t really work to have a rerun does it? It feels fake and most people attending will think it’s naff but go along with it politely .

It’s like saying “ I didn’t like my hairdo / figure at my graduation/ 18th birthday so I’m going to do it again and everyone has to pretend that I’ve just left uni / am 18 again*

Actually it was more like “i was riddled with brain cancer so don’t remember my day”.

But hey. You might be the type of friend who would think attention seeking and pathetic.

We’re all rather thrilled that she’s in remission despite some horrific surgery and is actually well enough to have a wedding day she can plan and enjoy. Their first was planned in a couple of weeks because they didn’t think she would actually survive.

I can’t imagine being petty enough to begrudge someone that.

Why would vows need renewing if they haven't been broken??

I can see that some couples would find reason to renew their vows, however I wouldn’t think of the woman as a bride, more just a couple who are reaffirming their commitment. I can’t think how that would include a reason for a hen do, which is more about your transition into marriage.

I’ve had many difficult times in my marriage but our vows haven’t been broken and our silver wedding was a celebration of our commitment.

So yes I think a hen do for a vow renewal is cheesy as fuck, what next, a bridal party with gifts?

Sorry OP if you’ve been through a hard time or something, but I also think vow renewals are the ultimate in self indulgent “me me me” poppycock. And having a hen night on top of it, just no.

Just have a big party if you want, that fine. No need to be a big old show off.

It’s like saying “ I didn’t like my hairdo / figure at my graduation/ 18th birthday so I’m going to do it again and everyone has to pretend that I’ve just left uni / am 18 again

Although to be fair if you think being desperately ill and not remembering your wedding is in any way comparable to “i didn’t like my hair”, there’s no real hope for you.

I never really understand these sort of threads. It is in effect a gathering of friends and family to share happy moments. Call it what you like but the end goal is always the same.

Granted there is no cheeky-fuckery at play like if the hosts were expecting everyone to decamp to outer Mongolia for a week to sleep in a hotel that costs the equivalent of a house deposit then I see no issue. As is oft said on MN it is an invite, not a court summons.

I recall going to my sister's party about 10 years ago to celebrate her passing her driving test. It was pretty much just a piss up with the rest of my siblings.

I think vow renewals are ridiculous in general, usually couples that have suffered infidelity or did not have the wedding they wanted last time.

Totally unnecessary IMHO. We are celebrating our silver wedding next year, the vows we made still hold dear. We didn’t have an elaborate wedding, but after nearly 30 years we are still in love and very happy.

I think they are awful in any circumstance.

I don't see the point of vow renewals really. I see even less point in inviting all your family and friends attend. And a hen night beforehand sounds a bit silly.