AIBU to think my 4yo DS is an anatomical anomaly?!

[Rinoachicken]

How is it biologically possible for a small child to do a poo so BIG that it won’t flush down the toilet?! No word of a lie, it is as long as his THIGH (and not much different in diameter)!!! Where in his body is he keeping it??!!! It’s not even a one off occurrence, this is a regular weekly deposit!!!!!

I am seriously considering buying a poo knife!!!

This is a very funny topic, but hope it won't go on for too long, much like the measurements of these things ha ha. But perhaps have a little competition on here, as in shortest and longest items !! The winner will get a 12 pack of best toilet rolls, and a badge of honour.

I usually end up trying to shove the mega poos down with the toilet brush at the same time as flushing. Mainly need 2 or 3 ‘plunge and flushes’ to get rid. We did have to get Dynorod in once, he lifted the manhole cover and was chopping up an absolutely humungous mound of poo with a shovel. So embarrassing.

Not a phenomenon limited to children (as any nurse who has worked with tiny little old ladies will be able to give testimony to!)

Fantastic thread and makes me feel very relieved, so to speak!

I had wondered if I was hallucinating when dgs, aged 4, did such a HUGE poop in the loo that I couldn’t get it to go, despite three flushes and two buckets of water 😱. Didn’t think of using hot water or a poop knife but put it in a dog poo bag which I disposed of in a greenish way. Couldn’t really see how such an enormous turd came out of such a dear little bum!

DH mum had a poo knife he is 36. He told my DH ages ago. He passed the story on im the pub this was pre-dc who is 10. Reddit post isnt new 😂😂😂😂

DH friend's mum! FWIW ive got 2 boys n is and all our friends bar the one have never had a poo knife

Two boys. It’s so this. The two year old can produce poos the same size of a grown adult. The 4 year old poos every morning. Every morning a poo the size of a babies arm. Gross.

Wish I'd known about the simultaneous bucket/flush thing! I was so embarrassed at work, always floaters, used to take up to 6 flushes to get them down yep, its the veg

At least your family own up to and take a pride in their productions. Our sewage system once blocked up completely with some mammoth turds and we had to call in a plumber as nothing was getting as far as the septic tank. He had to dig a big hole in the garden and open the pipe to deal with it. This involved a sudden relief of the pressure and shit flew in a fountain about 4 feet into the air. We all ducked, and my OH said; "It's not mine - it's all hers!" What a gent.

*@Idontbelieveinthemoon

This will probably out me but a few weeks ago I came home from work and caught DH stood at the top of the stairs clutching a butter knife. I was confused so asked what was going on, he shook his head and replied "you do not ever want to know what I'm about to do" and proceeded to chop away at the vine-like shite that DS1 had just laid in their bathroom.*

I have chortled out loud over this for days!

Your husband rocks.

This thread has had me in stitches but relieved. We toilet trained DD 2 weeks ago. She still does a poo on the potty and the first time it was so big it filled the potty and touched her bum. I was fucking horrified. I guess you don't notice the size in a nappy because it kind of spreads!

Haven’t rft, but it seems to be pretty lighthearted. However, be aware that gigantic poos are no laughing matter, it is one of the sure signs that the child is constipated - either not going regularly or not completely emptying their bowel when they do go. Doing a poo large enough to block the toilet is a red flag in terms of bowel health, not a comedy turn. Op says the big poo is a weekly occurrence which would lead me to ask is the child only pooing once or twice a week? My child is a poo withholder and I know more than I ever wanted about constipation, holding on, giant poos etc

How does one nominate a thread for Mumsnet classics?

Also, how do you make the smiley that is crying with laughter? I am, literally, crying with laughter right now but don't see it in the smileys list

Lucky Barry 😂😂. I remember my ds doing mammoth turds when he was little and sometimes stood on end and up the side of the bowl 🤯

It'll be on your phone YankeeDad. To nominate a thread for Classics, tap the 3 dots at the bottom of a post, tap Report, in the reason for report, ask for it to go into Classics.

We once used a snooker cue. DS was about 12 at the time

When DS was a toddler I lay him on the tailgate of the car to change his wet nappy before we went into a tourist attraction. Just as I lifted his ankles to put the new one on, he suddenly gave an almighty push and started hosing out a turd as thick as a teddy bear's arm. The speed of the thing was astonishing, as was the fact that it just kept on coming - the clean nappy was still in my hand, so I had to hold it like a catcher's mitt and curl in the enormous neverending poo as it shot off the end of the tailgate, all the while shouting "oh Christ, oh Christ, help me!" at DH, who was just staring, horrified. He snapped out of it in time to hand me a second nappy which also filled up, at which point - me stood there in shock holding two massive mitts full of Mr Whippy shit - he just said, "Blimey. Well held."

And then there was my niece - tiny child who, about once every three days, shat out something the size and shape of a grapefruit. Completely spherical, completely unflushable. Always thought my sister was exaggerating until DN dropped one at mine & blocked the loo for 2 days. Still boggles my brain now.

Don't post often... DS3. Jesus wept. There is nothing of him. He is skin and bone (which is unlike the rest of the family). But my God, can that boy shit. He's 15 now and has blocked the toilet with whopper logs since he was 8. We keep a stick and an unraveled wire coat hanger just for him. At least twice a week he'll pop his head around the living room door and announce "I need a stick".

@Sara107

Yes, DS is a withholder unfortunately. He drinks copiously so thankfully his poos aren’t hard and he doesn’t have any difficulty doing them when he does finally decide its time to release the monster. I always know it’s coming because of the skids in his pants for a couple of days before hand - like it’s desperate to escape!

It was the masses of fresh fruit I gorged on our first cruise that did it. Completely blocked the stateroom toilet, couldn’t shift it, the flushed water came right up to the top of the pan and had to be bailed out into the hand basin. Still wouldn't go, so had to report a blocked toilet to housekeeping and stayed out of the way all day.

Having just had to deal with an epic tonight from my 5 year old who blocked the toilet, I can highly recommend the cling film method. Cover the whole seat in cling film - make sure it goes over the rim so air doesn't escape and when you flush the toilet wack the middle of the cling film at the same time. Creates a vacum and sucks it away. Also works when said 5 year old decided to deposit half a loo roll down the toilet. Ahh! The glamorous life of a mummy, eh?! 😁 x

My son is a withholder too, the first time he did a poo on the potty it was a massive one which snaked round and round and, err well, scared the shit out of him! I think he never got over the shock of what came out his bum! we had terrible trouble trying to get him to ‘go’ and he’s stilll funny about it (at 24!)

This is because they are dehydrated and nee to drink more fluid - stools will be much softer and break more easily and they leave the body.

See, initially when the DC began laying cables the size of anacondas I read up on this and so forced them to drink endless fluids daily in and attempt to reduce the length/girth of their offerings.

Do you want to know what happens when small boys drink endless amounts of water daily? What happens is that their sprinkler-system overloads and what would ordinarily be a 'wheeeee' with perhaps a little piddle-spill around the loo becomes an actual Karcher jet-wash-the-bathroom-ceiling situation that only Ghandi could remain calm throughout. Having had to wipe piss from the bathroom wall at my head height (and I'm 5'8", so hardly dinky) I can confirm that little boys bodies can only take so much water before it all reaches def con 4.

No. It's not dehydration at all. It's children's bottoms ruining adults lives and butter knives. IDST.

We've had these going on too... and quite frankly, they are so wide that when we flush, the water sometimes goes frighteningly high, so we can't have a bucket on the side. Instead, we boil the kettle and pour that on top to try to break it up... sometimes multiple kettles are required... however, a nose peg is always essential as cooked shit smells absolutely gaggingly disgusting!!

My DS does this too 😂 maybe is a boy thing?? Just the sheer width of the things too is unbelievable.

Most definitely a boy thing. And it doesn't go away as they get older. It just gets bigger and smellier