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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my 4yo DS is an anatomical anomaly?!

171 replies

Rinoachicken · 06/10/2018 09:32

How is it biologically possible for a small child to do a poo so BIG that it won’t flush down the toilet?! No word of a lie, it is as long as his THIGH (and not much different in diameter)!!! Where in his body is he keeping it??!!! It’s not even a one off occurrence, this is a regular weekly deposit!!!!!

I am seriously considering buying a poo knife!!!

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 06/10/2018 20:07

I feel cheated, I accidentally flushed through force of habit and therefore missed seeing ‘the poo of a lifetime’ earlier! Ds was very cross, and me, because of this thread probably, was saddened...

Tubie · 06/10/2018 20:07

Add in movicol which works like the gel that swells to keep plants watered. Then you are in horror territory, gran a with 4 boys and multiple grandchildren looked so relieved when I said oops forgot to warn you about the poohs. She had been psyching herself up to mention it to be about my 3 year old!

Tubie · 06/10/2018 20:08

Poo not pooh.. What is spellchecker up to

NicoAndTheNiners · 06/10/2018 20:11

When dd was about 12yo she did a poo which must have been a foot long and the diameter of my forearm. All the boiling water, buckets of water in the world wouldn’t shift it, totally solid. Had to attack it with a coat hanger.

Redinthefacegirl · 06/10/2018 20:21

Ds1 produslces phenomenal sized poos. Impressive enough for DH (a HCP) to suggest taking him to see a Dr because it can't be normal or good for him.

You have reassured meGrin

LuluJakey1 · 06/10/2018 20:33

DS, almost 4, does enormous poos and is known for his chatting about them. To FIL and MIL 'I did a huge poo this morning. Did you do a huge poo today Grandad?' and then the same to MIL. Has told the man who came to put in a new sink about his poos and enquired after the man's. Regularly chats to DH and I about them. Recently at nursery told them, 'My poo was so big last night, mummy had to poke it with a coathanger to get it to go away. It was as big as my leg, it was that big' it wasn't
I am hoping he grows out of this phase soon. Grin

LuluJakey1 · 06/10/2018 20:35

If they do get stuck, a good squirt of washing up liquid left for a bit, followed by the hot water and flush trick shifts them.

Original poster
Rinoachicken · 06/10/2018 20:52

😂😂😂😂 this is all so reassuring!!

Now wondering about the nations sewer system, and if it’s actually not the fault of fat and baby wipes, but actually our young children’s collossal (sp?) excretions that are causing the trouble?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rinoachicken · 06/10/2018 20:55

@LuluJakey1 but do you not then get poo scented bubbles? Have visions (nightmares) of putting too much fairy liquid in by accident, putting the lid down and flushing, only to have shitty bubbles creep out from under the lid and slowly make their way across the floor like some sort of bubbly shitty alien octopus!

OP posts:
beachbaby18 · 06/10/2018 20:58

We have a shit stick which we keep in the loo brush holder for regular bashing of the monster turds left by the DC!

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 21:01

Yes. DD 11's poos are legendary. DH saves the foil trays from shepherd's pies etc to scoop them out with, bags and bins them.

Aaaahfuck · 06/10/2018 21:12

Dear lord what is a poo knife?! I can imagine but don't know if I want to know.

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 21:23

All this talk of potties: the first poo DD did in the potty, she said, "There's chicken in the potty!" 😂

FatimaLovesBread · 06/10/2018 21:28

No no no, a ghost poo is one that disappears straight round the u bend. So you remember doing it, but when you look there's nothing there.

A lucky Barry? Is that the same as a Mandy?

Naty1 · 06/10/2018 21:29

Constipation? Holding it so long it keeps getting bigger?

PersisFord · 06/10/2018 21:35

😂 at Crystal

hiddeneverything · 06/10/2018 21:50

Lucky Barry
Butter Knife

I am snorting profusely here

hiddeneverything · 06/10/2018 21:52

@mumsnet_hq
Can this be a Mumsnet classic please?

hopeful31yrs · 06/10/2018 21:57

Amazing thread. Thanks all!

emmeyebea · 06/10/2018 22:10

Oh stop it - I can barely breathe for laughing Grin

What with the too-small bucket, the shipping hazard, the improvised instruments, the poaching incident and poor Barry, it was the "We meet again Mr Bond" that finished me off...

Classics please!

MrSlant · 06/10/2018 22:22

Mwahahahahaaaa, you wait until he's a teenager!

My poor plumbing.

JustDanceAddict · 06/10/2018 22:29

Husband is the mega-shitter round here. Hangers have been deployed in the past.

SingingSands · 06/10/2018 22:35

Had my first and only experience of a poo knife as a teenager on a sixth form sailing trip. 6 teenagers howling with laughter as one of the lads was so horrified by his gargantuan poo blocking the toilet that he had to chop it up. The other lads went to have a look (of course) and confirmed it was a monster.
Knife was chucked in the sea afterwards!

BestZebbie · 06/10/2018 22:35

No poo-knife: several nappy bags over the hand, grab and bag it with those bags without touching water or poo, into another carrier bag (for drips and modesty), straight into the outside bin. Wash hands extremely thoroughly.

ApocalypseNowt · 06/10/2018 22:37

@Aaaahfuck it's a knife you use to chop up an upsettingly or impressively large poo. Stubborn flush resistors disappear when sliced into manageable 'chunks'.

HTH. Grin