AIBU to think my 4yo DS is an anatomical anomaly?!

[Rinoachicken]

How is it biologically possible for a small child to do a poo so BIG that it won’t flush down the toilet?! No word of a lie, it is as long as his THIGH (and not much different in diameter)!!! Where in his body is he keeping it??!!! It’s not even a one off occurrence, this is a regular weekly deposit!!!!!

I am seriously considering buying a poo knife!!!

It seems so bizarre that the weapon of choice for dealing with reluctant toilet otters is the humble coathanger. You would think JML would have come up with their own, easy clean version.

DC's offerings were more modest than the champion dumpers here, but he could accurately name the alphabet letter it most resembled and told the class TA all about his 'C'

I use slim sticks from the pile of kindling we keep by the wood burner for chopping up the children’s enormous shits.

If it’s winter, the stick goes in the wood burner and gets burnt. If it’s summer, I put it in the green wheelie bin (for garden waste). No need to waste water or plastic.

Can’t believe I have a life hack for chopping up monster poos. What has my life become?

OMG this is pregnant me.

I recently had what I christened a 'trauma poo'. It was 2:30pm on a Saturday, we had the two cats due at a vet appointment at 3:00pm. I nip to the loo for a quick poo - no warning whatsoever what is about to happen - while DH locates the cat boxes and the cats.

And then... the fucker gets stuck, halfway in, halfway out. I start sweating and panicking - this has NEVER happened before. I wriggle around to see if I can dislodge it, this buuurns. I clench to see if I can pinch it in half somehow? NO, no, no, let's not do that again. I stand up, for some reason believing this will help - NO THATS MADE IT WORSE.

Meanwhile DH is getting cross and calling me as it is now 20 to and we're going to be late, and I've left him alone trying to get two claw happy angry cats into their cat boxes. I am sweating, hyperventilating, wondering if it is possible to shit yourself in half. DH still calling me, getting more and more annoyed.

Eventually, I gather my courage and push it out. Shakily get myself together. It's quarter to, cats not in boxes, we're going to be late. It is enormous. I flush, toilet floods then water goes down, I nearly weep. I flush again, same result.

I leave it there, say nothing to narky-arse and scratched DH, cats are inserted in boxes and we get to the vets in record time. I only confess about the trauma poo in the waiting room - cry laughing, then come back and have to break the fucker up with a stick from the garden.

ISN'T PREGNANCY WONDERFUL? AH, THE MIRACLE OF LIFE.

DS took a pic of one his poor little 18 month old produced. It wouldn't flush and looked like it was his own. Luckily it wasn't a one off.

Oops - I mean luckily it WAS a one off,

pandarific I'm so sorry but I'm literally crying at your trauma poo story 😂😂😂

Yep. DS (10), saves them up for the best part of a week, then does poos that are so large they partically crack the porcelain. And the stink!

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the poo dagger...

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00IYNLG7Q/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

Another nomination for Classics - been pissing myself with laughter here.

I'm with @IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat - I use sticks from the woods to cut up my DS's unflushable poos. But they aren't huge or sideways - they just seem really heavy and stodgy and DENSE! For years I blamed DH but eventually we tracked it down to DS (10). I'm so relieved to know it's not just him.....

Both my dd's do turds so huge that they can block the toilet and even sometimes stick up Nessie-like above the water line. It is something that never ceases to astound me how 2 delicate petite little girls can drop boulders out of there arses

No, a ghostie is a poo that disappears round the U bend without being seen. The total opposite to what is being described here

Hahaha this made me laugh! My three year old daughter also does shites the size of an adults arm (ok bit of an over exaggeration but they’re bloody huge)

It astounds me each time! And I have been known to be so impressed I’ve had to take a photo and share it with family lol

A Lucky Barry in our house it's a 'clean sweep'.

I read somewhere that this still requires two wipes, the first because you'll be wiping anyway. And the second to check the first was a definite clean sweep.

When i was potty training my DD, she snuck in the living room and took a dump on the floor! I walked in and couldnt believe what i saw! Thought my BF may have been on a dirty protest, or maybe a random Great Dane had snuck in and left a present. I got the Garden Spade, it spanned the full length of said Impliment, and must have been 2 inches wide. I honestly didnt know what to do with it, Dyno Rod couldnt have flushed the bugger! I just scooped it up, walked through the house carefully balancing it on the spade, and took it to the compost heap! My BF nearly threw up when he saw what it was, he couldnt look at my daughter for hours afterwards. Its become a family joke now! Turdzilla strikes again etc when one of the boys leaves a non sinker! My point is, why do they always do it at other peoples houses? We were at my OutLaws house 3 weeks ago, 10yo DS proudly marches downstairs and yells Mum....Were gonna need a Hanger to force this one down! MIL was really pleased! Me, not so much....

Thank goodness for this thread I thought my family were abnormal! My son produced poos like this and also my husband, his are as big as a baby’s head sometimes, and I’ve often said “you need to ring the pumping station to warn them of what’s coming down the pipes” before he tries to flush the monster. The number of times he’s blocked the drains ......

My little tiny DD, nearly 13, 4 stone and still in age 8-9 clothes but healthy and active with a good appetite, has always produced monster turds which usually need a full bucket of water poured with the loo flush to get them down. She only goes every 2-3 days which is completely normal for her but DH jokes that her poos may pose a danger to shipping when they get out into the Channel

Unfortunately it doesn't get any better. One of my two teen boys did something resembling a child's leg and blocked the loo so totally that no water could escape at all. i resorted to a stick from the garden to break it up and then the stick went into the garden waste so at least I felt it was environmentally sound (apart from the two litres of bleach required to restore the toilet). Didn't help that neither of them owned up and the fact that it had obviously been there for at least a day when discovered (they have their own bathroom).

This made me laugh so much. My 4year old son did this too until about 6 weeks ago. Toilet blockers we called them. Once a week, huge Jobbie. He never looked to be in pain or anything but I was always aghast. He preferred to do it in the potty too (I know I should get rid but we’ve only got one loo and lots of people) and it would usually fill it. Gross.

My Pop used to have this on the back of the loo door.

funnyshit.com.au/shitlist.htm

My ds2 used to clog the toilet with Goliath shit. The coat hanger was used more times than I like to think about. 😳

pandarific just think of it as practice for the big event. Giving birth will be a walk in the park now.

A lucky Barry, when you wipe and there is no mess on paper first time

This is known in Viz, via their Profanisaurus as a "Grandstand finish"

Had awful constipation in pregnancy; When I was in labour I could feel the worlds biggest nugget and had resigned myself to the fact that it would come out naturally, but it didn’t. I asked for an enema but they would only give me a suppository. After 10 minutes it did it’s magic and I birthed a gigantic log, followed 30 mins later by a nearly 8lb baby, who the midwife informed me afterwards had been stuck for a while. Probably because of the poo

Hehe! DS still does these gigantic turds and he's 13. Many happy family memories of DP, DS and me standing round the toilet marvelling at the size of the shit that had come out of DS's arse . Then I'd sigh and say 'I'll get the chopsticks' .

This is because they are dehydrated and nee to drink more fluid - stools will be much softer and break more easily and they leave the body.