To think that romantic relationships will die out

[Diffident]

I'm male and 40 something. I am absolutely no expert on anything at all just an observer. I'm not in a relationship and haven't been for a long time. Sometimes I contemplate the future and look around me and think that perhaps most people would be better off if romantic relationships especially heterosexual ones where most of the dysfunction seems to happen did not happen as much as they do and didn't occupy such a central place in our culture.

I realise this might sound like sour grapes as I've not been very successful in this aspect of my life. Honestly when I look around at people married and in relationships and friends and so on all I see is frustration and unhappiness. People who date as well just don't seem to be able to find what they're looking for. Things from observation are somewhat better amongst lesbian and gay people. Clearly if women physically able to conceive want children they can go down the route of sperm banks or make an arrangement with a friend. Men wanting to do the same can do the latter if not the former. It isn't compulsory to be in a relationship and if it seems to cause so much human misery well wouldn't it be better for some kind of voluntary moratorium and focus instead on physical and mental health, solving climate change and friendships?

Well if people didn't want to be in relationships they wouldn't be would they?

All kinds of relationships can be dysfunctional, not just heterosexual relationships. People make choices.

Also, I’m sure you didn’t intend your post in this way, but it could be seen as verging close to ‘Incel’ territory. I do sincerely hope you find what you’re looking for though. The general advice: joining groups, volunteering, asking people about themselves, exploring other interests etc. Good luck.

(Also, sorry - I should have added. I do believe that it is happy to be both single and in a relationship. Relationships go through lots of different stages, and there’s very rarely a consistent level of happiness/unhappiness).

Incel is weird and unhealthy, I agree with lemons, widen your mind and widen your opportunities to meet interesting people.

Sorry but I really have to address this "incel" business. AFAIK this term relates to men who post hateful misogynistic things online motivated by anger at women for not sleeping with them. I have never posted anything like this had any conversation like that and I don't hate women nor men for any reason at all. So I think I can reasonably say I'm not one of these individuals. As for the post I'm not suggesting banning relationships just that I wonder if people have fully explored the alternatives. If there were fewer total relationships but better quality ones for those that did want them, wouldn't that be better for everyone?

It wouldn't hurt at all if there was less emphasis on relationships being the thing that would make people feel happy and fulfilled - if it wasn't necessarily the 'done thing' to be coupled up, so people felt more confident in making other choices.

But, that's not the same thing as being better off without relationships.

Romantic relationships won't die out because human nature won't change.

A lot of relationships can be dysfunctional; parents, siblings, friendships etc.

I actually agree that we are told that romantic love is a prerequisite for happiness and fulfilment in life, when often it brings heartache and stress. Being happily single should be more of an acceptable life choice.

Have you never been in love?

I mean if you fall in love and the person loves you back... and you are both well adjusted, emotionally healthy people with attitudes and aspirations which are pretty much on the same page as each others....
then you should do well together!!

I guess sometimes those things dont all line up and it can seem an impossible dream

I’m very happily married (heterosexual relationship) thank you.

I agree with you that it should be more acceptable and less of a taboo in society to be happily single.

But I completely disagree that most people in relationships are unhappy and frustrated. Admittedly I can't be sure of what goes on behind closed doors, but I know loads of happy married couples (including me and DH, my parents, brother and SIL etc) and not many unhappy ones.

I'm not getting how the theory would work? People to place a voluntary ban on relationships. However 'some people' could still have relationships (quality ones). Would these people be getting a free choice in this dating utopia, or would 'some people' get to do a one sided picking and choosing? 🤔

No romance lost here. 10 years 3 kids (1 special needs ) lots of life stress and yet we are still like loved up teens.
Would you maybe like some cheese with your whine?

I think you’re wrong about it being better in gay relationships and I also think you’re wrong that most romantic relationships are unfulfilling. But I do think we elevate romantic relationships above others like familial relationships and friendships, and that can be very isolating and alienating for those who, for whatever reason, don’t have romantic relationships.

I came back tonight to a kg of grana padano on the table from a sale at dh's work...romance is not dead. He knows I prefer edible gifts!

We've been happily married for 32 years now.

I dont know anyone in a 'happy' marriage. Human nature is changing and I think people are less willing to put up with a 'romantic partner'.

Being a single parent/person is becoming the norm if you want a happy life.

Oow no, I'm not giving up on a romantic relationships. You're right that they can be difficult though. Relationships in general are our biggest test in life.

I've been in an extremely happy marriage for over thirty years.

I’m in a ‘happy marriage’

Been with DH for over a decade and extremely happy. I don't agree that most heterosexual relationships are dysfunctional at all. Dysfunctional people have messed up relationships but not just romantic ones.

I personally think the issue is people settling for anything less than true love. If you find your soul mate you are never going to end up miserable. Hard times will come and go but you love with a passion so fierce it would be hard to extinguish that. Like older generations where they stayed together from teens to death. Also jumping into relationships without realising that it takes constant work to keep it going.

A lot of relationships can be dysfunctional; parents, siblings, friendships etc

Agreed. The armchair psychologist in me thinks you have never seen a 'healthy' relationship to model one on yourself.

I am very happily married and looking around, many of my friends are too.

Romantic relationships won’t die out.

It isn’t compulsory to be in a relationship.

I don't think they will die out but I think we are seeing already that people no longer marry for life no matter what as our grandparents generation did. This is sometimes seen as a bad thing but it has a good side. People are much less likely to put up with being abused or badly treated. Women can manage as single parents with the benefits and support that is available and that gives them the option to leave even though it's not easy.

A world without love is not worth having.