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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my neighbour?

116 replies

AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:36

I used to get parcels delivered to my work but they now don’t allow this so I get them delivered to my house. I’m never in, so I always specify that the ‘safe place’ where they should be left is in my back garden, where there is a box with a lid.

Despite this, a few times recently parcels have been left with my neighbours, and more often than not with one man in particular. I always go round to collect them as soon as I get home (usually about 6.30). A couple of weeks ago he mentioned that he was getting annoyed about the number of parcels. I apologised, explained that I always specified they should be left in the garden, and told him he could refuse to take them in. He grumbled, but basically all fine.

But last night another parcel was left with him and I went to pick it up. Neighbour absolutely lost his rag. He said I was taking advantage and that he wasn’t going to give me my parcel. He eventually did give it to me, but he was very angry. I tried to explain that I always specify parcels are to be left in my garden and not with neighbours, but he wouldn’t accept this.

So... who is BU? I don’t know what I can do to stop delivery people disegarding my instructions (except complain which I will now do, but will this actually change anything?). I really don’t want to annoy my neighbour any more, but I also don’t understand why he doesn’t refuse to take in parcels when it annoys him so much?

Any tips on how to manage this before any possibility of good neighbourliness is destroyed forever?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/10/2018 12:39

Leave a note on your door?

To avoid people knowing you're out, say 'baby sleeping. Please don't knock. Leave in safe place (which they should know)

ScottishMummy12 · 05/10/2018 12:40

Not sure who is been unreasonable but could you not have the parcels delivered to a safe box or to a shop. Think most places do click and collect now.

Nicknacky · 05/10/2018 12:40

Use one of these shops where you can collect it from.

OliviaStabler · 05/10/2018 12:41

Some couriers completely ignore the safe place info. He has to refuse the parcel.

Sethis · 05/10/2018 12:41

Put a note prominently next to your door reading "Do not leave parcels at Number 42" or whatever his number is.

Thinkingofausername1 · 05/10/2018 12:41

Its the delivery companies fault. Many a times I have requested this too only to my disappointment, have had to go to my neighbors and stand and talk for half an hour, and can't get away.
I don't know why these delivery companies ask for a request when they don't do as we ask!Confused

KatieMarieJ · 05/10/2018 12:42

Make it clear to whoever you order them from that they are not to leave them with neighbours. It is fairly simple to do but obviously may mean you schlepping to collect them. If you have a lot of deliveries considered a parcel locker thing in your garden or look into pick up points.

mostdays · 05/10/2018 12:42

He is BU- he can refuse the parcels, he does not have to accept them and then shout at you and threaten to keep your possessions.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 12:42

A note on your door. Or deliver to a shop.

He is being unreasonable though, he could have said no, leave it in her safe place.

KlutzyDraconequus · 05/10/2018 12:43

I don't think the neighbour is being particularly great but I also don't think I'd like getting parcels regularly enough for it to be n issue.
If I got 1 or 2 every month,fine, 1 or 2 a week, not fine.

But he can say no still.

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:44

I’ve thought about click and collect but it’s not terribly convenient because I work full time in an area quite far from the shopping district in my city, so it would limit me to weekend pickups - though that might have to be it!

I order quite a lot of wholesale craft supplies from online retailers with no premises - are there places that will act as click and collect bases for things like that?

I like the idea of the note on the door, I will try that next time and see if it works

OP posts:
NovaScot · 05/10/2018 12:44

I'm torn with this.

I don't think the neighbour is being unreasonable to get angry about this. It's not just a case of refusing parcels, maybe he doesn't want to be disturbed by his doorbell going.

But that's not your fault as you have been clear with the delivery company.

I think you need to get things delivered to a safe box.

Or stop ordering so much online.

Nicknacky · 05/10/2018 12:45

Now that you know it’s an issue you need to stop him being disturbed. The courier clearly isn’t happy to leave them so you need to use a shop.

I work shifts and while I don’t mind getting woken by a delivery for neighbours when I’m nightshift I would be unimpressed if I was getting disturbed regularly when you have alternatives.

NovaScot · 05/10/2018 12:45

Sorry cross-post Smile

KinderBueno5 · 05/10/2018 12:45

I refuse parcels for my neighbour now as she orders so much stuff. Never once got annoyed at her though. She's entitled to order whatever she wants and I guess it's not her fault the delivery driver kept knocking on my door. It was really quite annoying though!

TokyoSushi · 05/10/2018 12:45

I think you YAB a bit U having parcels delivered when you know you're not going to be there. Delivery companies are notoriously unreliable and what if they require a signature?

Could you try to do collect + at a shop or an amazon locker instead! At the very least put a note on your door saying 'Do not deliver to neighbours house'

Zbag · 05/10/2018 12:45

Put a sign on your door stating not to leave it with crackpot neighbour

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:47

I don't know why these delivery companies ask for a request when they don't do as we ask!

Me too, it’s very annoying!

If I got 1 or 2 every month,fine, 1 or 2 a week, not fine.

It’s probably a couple a week arriving but they don’t all go to him - in the last few months I think I’ve had to collect 4 or 5 from him. I don’t know if he’s maybe also taking in thinhs for other neighbours too so it feels like a lot overall.

OP posts:
gothefcktosleep · 05/10/2018 12:47

I would have by now taken him a bottle of wine or some such.

Our neighbours take parcels for us a lot and I took them some chocolates and flowers to say thank you as felt they had taken more than was ordinary.

Since he is already fed up and has grumpy old man syndrome I would suggest taking him a peace offering and apologising (even though it’s the delivery guys causing this rift) and say that you appreciate that he’s in and the doorbell ringing must disturb his peaceful days - it sounds over the top but that’s probably what it is - he wants a day without the doorbell going and the delivery guys always ring, and the delivery they have in their hands isn’t even for him! Then you knock the door a few hours later - maybe he’s just done with it! Tbh if you’re not going to be around I would get your parcel either delivered to the shop branch for collection or one of the parcel point places. Shame more places don’t do this.

KinderBueno5 · 05/10/2018 12:47

I think you YAB a bit U having parcels delivered when you know you're not going to be there

But most companies you can rearrange delivery for free or they leave at post office/in safe place. If the company doesn't do next day or specified delivery how will you possibly know if you're going to be in or not?

Just tell him to refuse the parcels or put a note on his own door.

loveka · 05/10/2018 12:48

Note on your door.

Specify on the order not to leave with neighbour too.

Nicknacky · 05/10/2018 12:49

Ordering online a couple of times a week knowing you won’t be in and know there isn’t a good chance your neighbours will be disturbed is cheeky.

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:49

I’ve never heard of an amazon locker, googling now! Is it just for amazon deliveries? Amazon tend to be quite good about following instructions, it’s the craft supplies that seem to be ploughing their own furrow.

OP posts:
PoisonousSmurf · 05/10/2018 12:49

Either you NDN puts a note on his own front door to say that he won't accept parcels or you get the parcels delivered to your work.

greendale17 · 05/10/2018 12:51

Stop ordering so many parcels when you know you aren’t going to be. Collect it from store or make other arrangements.

4/5 parcels a month to your neighbour is taking the mick.

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