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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my neighbour?

116 replies

AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:36

I used to get parcels delivered to my work but they now don’t allow this so I get them delivered to my house. I’m never in, so I always specify that the ‘safe place’ where they should be left is in my back garden, where there is a box with a lid.

Despite this, a few times recently parcels have been left with my neighbours, and more often than not with one man in particular. I always go round to collect them as soon as I get home (usually about 6.30). A couple of weeks ago he mentioned that he was getting annoyed about the number of parcels. I apologised, explained that I always specified they should be left in the garden, and told him he could refuse to take them in. He grumbled, but basically all fine.

But last night another parcel was left with him and I went to pick it up. Neighbour absolutely lost his rag. He said I was taking advantage and that he wasn’t going to give me my parcel. He eventually did give it to me, but he was very angry. I tried to explain that I always specify parcels are to be left in my garden and not with neighbours, but he wouldn’t accept this.

So... who is BU? I don’t know what I can do to stop delivery people disegarding my instructions (except complain which I will now do, but will this actually change anything?). I really don’t want to annoy my neighbour any more, but I also don’t understand why he doesn’t refuse to take in parcels when it annoys him so much?

Any tips on how to manage this before any possibility of good neighbourliness is destroyed forever?

OP posts:
Poodles1980 · 05/10/2018 17:22

Do you have parcel motel in the uk? Lockers at garages and car parks that you can access 24/7. Best invention of all time.

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 05/10/2018 17:26

I don’t understand how anyone thinks the OP is being unreasonable Confused

The delivery has the option to leave in a safe place which she has selected. She’s provided clear instructions about where her safe place is. The courier is ignoring these instructions. Of course the neighbour doesn’t have to take her parcels if he doesn’t want to so why is he not refusing delivery as OP suggested? If he refuses this in turn benefits the OP as she doesn’t want them left with him anyway and the companies will quickly learn he doesn’t take parcels and will stop asking. In my opinion the courier company mostly but also the neighbour are being unreasonable.

Beebopdooowopdo · 05/10/2018 17:31

Maybe he just doesn’t want to have to keep answering his door every time you have a delivery. I can understand that. Yes he could decline to take in the parcel but he still has to answer the door to do that!
Put a clear note on your door .

JacquesHammer · 05/10/2018 17:31

Of course the neighbour doesn’t have to take her parcels if he doesn’t want to so why is he not refusing delivery as OP suggested?

I don’t think you realise how aggressively some couriers can try and pressure you into taking a parcel. I refused once, he walked off ranting. Came down to go out and found he’d left it behind my bin anyway.

Charlie97 · 05/10/2018 18:17

But as a PP has said if you work full time you can't always be in!! OP has left delivery instructions the angst should be at the delivery company. I personally don't have the time to sit in all day for a delivery but I know if I'm not about a neighbour will take it or they'll leave in a safe place!

You can't order stuff for when you know you're going to be in, it's just not possible!

JacquesHammer · 05/10/2018 18:19

OP has left delivery instructions the angst should be at the delivery company

Right but the onus is on the OP to sort that by contacting the relevant delivery company.

The OP isn’t unreasonable. But the neighbour absolutely isn’t either.

0lgaDaPolga · 05/10/2018 18:23

It’s a tough one. Clearly you are not being unreasonable as you have left delivery instructions and it’s not your fault they are being ignored but as someone who is home a lot in the day it gets so incredibly annoying to be the ‘go to’ person for taking parcels in. I have a baby at home and he is frequently woken up by deliveries for neighbours. I think your neighbour needs to get annoyed at the delivery drivers rather than you and make it clear he won’t take them in. Maybe leave a note on your door telling them not to leave them with him.

Nicknacky · 05/10/2018 18:27

But now the op knows her instructions are being ignored and it's inconveniencing the neighbours she needs to rectify the situation like have been suggested.

KarmaStar · 05/10/2018 19:09

Most of the courier companies update you regularly and ask for online instructions as to where they can leave parcels so try doing it that way op.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 06:01

But the OPs neighbour is not unwell, he's an aggressive be person able to deal with couriers I'm sure! Remember he initially took the parcel and then was threatening to keep it!

He strikes me as the type of man to want to pick on a woman but won't say a thing to the most likely male driver!

AlexaAmbidextra · 06/10/2018 07:41

But the OPs neighbour is not unwell, he's an aggressive be person

Charlie97. How on earth do you know he’s not unwell? He may be bad-tempered because he has an illness. Presumably you haven’t been round and medically examined him? Confused

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 07:44

@AuntBeastie I think we can safely assume that he may have mentioned it to OP during their interactions?

Come on there are loads of fit healthy but downright miserable people on mumsnet to know they just enjoy being miserable! They won't take parcels in "because why should I", i don't like the responsibility, I don't like them in my hall.

Luckily as I said before none of my neighbours are like this. We get on five with parcels, help each other out with stuff .... works great!

newhousenewstart · 06/10/2018 08:05

My neighbours and I have all agreed not to accept parcels for each other. We all have safe places to leave them but some delivery drivers would prefer to leave with a person. So we juts apologise and I always say 'No sorry, neighbour doesn't want me to take in her parcels. We're all very busy and it can take days to catch up with each other. This works. I also put a note on my door reminding drivers where to leave parcels ( it's very rural and safe)

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 08:08

@newhousenewstart and that's fine, good idea if it works for you. It's the delivery drivers the irritation should be directed too. OPs neighbour should just do the same, say no.

bastardkitty · 06/10/2018 08:11

Your neighbour is being unreasonable. He is thwarting your delivery arrangements because although he is fine with shouting at you, he's not assertive enough to decline your deliveries. He should stop being so passive-aggressive and decline politely or put a note on his door if he's that spineless.

JacquesHammer · 06/10/2018 08:11

OPs neighbour should just do the same, say no

And the OP must follow it up and request her instructions are followed.

By the time you’ve got to say no, you’ve already been disturbed. It’s an absolute pain. Fortunately most of my neighbours understand working from home means just that.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 08:13

Your neighbour is being unreasonable. He is thwarting your delivery arrangements because although he is fine with shouting at you, he's not assertive enough to decline your deliveries. He should stop being so passive-aggressive and decline politely or put a note on his door if he's that spineless.

^^this

OP has arrangements with the couriers so him taking in parcels and then threatening to withhold them is bang out of order.

HunnidBands · 06/10/2018 09:06

Are you fucking joking! It’s the OPSs responsibility to make sure her directions are followed. The neighbour probably doesn’t want to fall out with her and thinks she’s said it’s ok to send them to him/her next door - I’d be fucking pissed off too.

I do nights and if someone kept waking me up to accept their parcels I’d go ballistic.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 09:09

@HunnidBands did you read the OP? I don't The I'm not giving you your parcel is not someone who wants to not fall out....

JacquesHammer · 06/10/2018 09:29

I don't The I'm not giving you your parcel is not someone who wants to not fall out

No. The chap who suggested a few weeks ago it was inconvenient and instructive didn’t want to fall out. He’s still being disturbed. It’s not rocket science to assume he’s at the end of his tether.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 09:33

So if he's at the end of his tether just say no....... to the delivery driver! I'm keeping your parcel is bang out of order!

It's not rocket science is it?

JacquesHammer · 06/10/2018 09:38

*So if he's at the end of his tether just say no....... to the delivery driver! I'm keeping your parcel is bang out of order!

It's not rocket science is it?*

Going to break it down here as - although this has been mentioned countless times you haven’t taken it in - by the time you answer the door you have ALREADY been disturbed. That’s the bit that’s annoying.

Maybe he took the parcel so he could - again - ask OP to sort it. As I mentioned earlier I’ve refused to take a parcel and they left it on my property anyway.

HunnidBands · 06/10/2018 09:38

But it’s not his fucking problem! He shouldn’t have to be disturbed in the first place. The neighbour irdering all the shit needs to make it clear to not disturb the neighbours. The neighbours should be blissfully unaware.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 09:43

Let me also break it down.....he doesn't take parcel in, then he won't have to get up again to answer door to OP. 50% off the issue sorted?

Also the delivery drivers will learn that he won't take parcels in!

Op had given instructions that are not being followed. She can't physically stop the drivers knocking only he can do that by saying no and don't try again.

Charlie97 · 06/10/2018 09:45

The neighbour irdering all the shit needs to make it clear to not disturb the neighbours.

Ordering all the shit??? Online shopping is the way of life now....

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