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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my neighbour?

116 replies

AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:36

I used to get parcels delivered to my work but they now don’t allow this so I get them delivered to my house. I’m never in, so I always specify that the ‘safe place’ where they should be left is in my back garden, where there is a box with a lid.

Despite this, a few times recently parcels have been left with my neighbours, and more often than not with one man in particular. I always go round to collect them as soon as I get home (usually about 6.30). A couple of weeks ago he mentioned that he was getting annoyed about the number of parcels. I apologised, explained that I always specified they should be left in the garden, and told him he could refuse to take them in. He grumbled, but basically all fine.

But last night another parcel was left with him and I went to pick it up. Neighbour absolutely lost his rag. He said I was taking advantage and that he wasn’t going to give me my parcel. He eventually did give it to me, but he was very angry. I tried to explain that I always specify parcels are to be left in my garden and not with neighbours, but he wouldn’t accept this.

So... who is BU? I don’t know what I can do to stop delivery people disegarding my instructions (except complain which I will now do, but will this actually change anything?). I really don’t want to annoy my neighbour any more, but I also don’t understand why he doesn’t refuse to take in parcels when it annoys him so much?

Any tips on how to manage this before any possibility of good neighbourliness is destroyed forever?

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 05/10/2018 12:51

Can you have them delivered to a collection place close to your office and then nip out and get them in your lunch hour?

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:51

I wish my work still allowed me to, it used to be very convenient!

OP posts:
KinderBueno5 · 05/10/2018 12:51

Ordering online a couple of times a week knowing you won’t be in and know there isn’t a good chance your neighbours will be disturbed is cheeky.

Missed the bit where it said a couple of times a week. Ok in that case YABU! Twice a week is a lot!

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:52

4/5 parcels a month to your neighbour is taking the mick.

It was 4/5 over about 6 months, not one month!

Looking into collection places and seeing if that’s an option

OP posts:
LoudBatPerson · 05/10/2018 12:52

I think the neighbour is being unreasonable not to refuse the parcel, however, I imagine once he has had his day disturbed, again, by the knock at the door, he probably thinks well I may as well take it now. In addition, some couriers are very pushy and do not take "no" easily (mainly due to impossible targets set by the companies). It shouldn't be up to your neighbour to have to argue this with them.

You can try the note on the door, however, that might ignored too, particularly if the parcel needs to be signed for.

It may not be very convenient to have to get the parcels from a click and collect location, however, I imagine your neighbour is not finding it convenient to have his activities repeatedly disturbed by someone else's post.

BlackrockMum · 05/10/2018 12:55

Buy the neighbour a little gift or make him a cake just do something nice and say sorry, it will get you a lot of good will.

Is it same delivery company you find the retailers usually use? do make complaints and follow them up, we had a problem with a specific company putting parcels in the smelly black bin, putting a note saying he had put it in the recycle bin, when we had specified where to leave them , it turned out it was a single driver on that route, the company gave me his number and I rang him and discussed it with him, never had a problem again.

Are all parcels large could you get a parcel delivery post-box for outside your property? just worried the suggestion of note on door could a warn people your not at home during day and antagonise neighbour.

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:56

Just to clarify - I get deliveries a couple of times a week but about half of these are delivered to the safe space and the remaining half to neighbours, but not all to this particular neighbour - he has had approx 5 parcels in 6 months. I still accept that that’s too much if he doesn’t want any which is why I specify that parcels shouldn’t be left with neighbours, so it’s very frustrating that they still are!

Considering getting things delivered to my parents who always have someone in, I see them regularly so could do a frequent collection.

OP posts:
steppemum · 05/10/2018 12:56

Stick a note on your door

Deliveries:
Please do NOT leave them with neighbour, it will generate a refund request to your delivery company.
Please leave in safe place AS REQUESTED.

Clutterbugsmum · 05/10/2018 12:59

If you are ordering from the same company I would contact them and tell them that their delivery agents are not following instructions and it’s causing you and your neighbours issues and that you are thinking about going somewhere else to your supplies as they are not fulfilling your request.

Mildmanneredmum · 05/10/2018 13:00

Can you have your parcels delivered to work? I had this problem with my neighbours and didn't want to upset them, so I started to get them delivered to work. Yes, it's a pain carrying it all home on the Tube in rush hour, but hey, if I want them and order them, then that's down to me!

Charlie97 · 05/10/2018 13:01

I really cannot be doing with the not taking parcel deliveries for other people brigade!

All of our neighbours take each other's parcels, from bicycles to light bulbs!

Never an issue, in fact a bicycle was delivered on the day of my brothers funeral, it was a really hot day and I knew everyone would be out in the garden after the funeral. I just accepted the bike and put it over (the high fence) into neighbours garden so it was out of our way. No drama, no issues! They of course were very thankful!

I find it's people who do nothing that find just taking a parcel such a strain! Never been left with a parcel, why would we most people want the stuff they order!

In fact our lovely retired neighbour even stayed in when we expecting furniture on a day we were at work and wanted it before Christmas! She let them in (she didn't assemble the furniture though Grin).

When she had an issue (tap dripping, lawnmower playing up) we help her!

Honestly, it's just neighbourly!

So YANBU and your neighbour is a miserable fecker!

Charlie97 · 05/10/2018 13:02

@AuntBeastie I don't think that's too much! I'd take your parcels in for you!

Nicknacky · 05/10/2018 13:03

charlie97 That’s all very lovely but I work night shifts. I don’t mind being disturbed occasionally but I would be pissed of if a neighbour frequently disturbed me like that.

People have their own lives, you know.

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 13:03

@Clutterbugsmum that’s a good idea, will try that!

@Mildmanneredmum I used to do this and it was great but my work no longer allows it (large firm and they felt that with so many employees getting deliveries it was taking up too much of our mail room’s time).

OP posts:
swingofthings · 05/10/2018 13:04

We are 8 neighbours and always collect parcels for each other. I had one delivering garden furniture and I had to carry it in. Thankfully we are not petty and don't see the trouble. If one doesn't want to do it, they can not answer the door or say they'd rather not take it in.

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 13:05

@Charlie97 thank you Flowers

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 05/10/2018 13:05

The thing is by the time he answers the door, whether he refuses or not he has already been disturbed.

You know it annoys him so it’s good that you’re looking into other options. At the very minimum I would contact the supplier and let them know their choice of courier is disregarding instructions.

CrazySheepLady · 05/10/2018 13:05

I think your neighbour was being a bit OTT. All he needs to do is refuse the parcels.

wink1970 · 05/10/2018 13:07

We refuse to take in for one NDN and put a note on the door asking our deliveries NOT to be given to that particular house if we are out. It works, now, though it took a lot of swearing delivery drivers at the beginning - it was amazing how many were downright angry that we wouldn't take parcels in.

Charmatt · 05/10/2018 13:07

I would put a note on the next order to say, 'Please leave round the back - Do not leave with NoXX under any circumstances, as person is aggressive!'

Justadistanthummm · 05/10/2018 13:09

Once someone has knocked on your door and you go to answer not knowing who it is it's very difficult to refuse point blank to accept a neighbours deliveries. I get annoyed at this as they never get picked up for days cluttering up my house and why have stuff delivered when you know you're never going to be in?? You'd have to stipulate where to leave them,and also a DO NOT leave at a certain neighbours if he's really bothered. You need to buy a small token of appreciation too I think.

GrumpyOlderBloke · 05/10/2018 13:10

Replace your name with Leave in My Safe Place in the default address.

Then the courier cannot claim he hasn't seen it and you have a clear and simple message in your complaint to the courier company.

The little hand-helds the couriers use don't have big displays, but the name and address area always clear.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 05/10/2018 13:14

www.collectplus.co.uk

www.parcel2go.com/services/drop-off-services

www.doddle.com

inpost.co.uk

www.upstoday.com/couriers/ups-access-point

www.dpdlocal-online.co.uk/products-and-services/pickup-shops

www.myhermes.co.uk/parcelshop-finder.html

Also Amazon. They not only have pick up points which include corner shops and post offices, they also have lockers in multiple places (which are useful if the goods are fulfilled by Amazon)

Original poster
AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 13:17

So many good suggestions, thank you!

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 05/10/2018 13:19

@Nicknacky people have lives of their own!!! Really!! I thought they only lived to make mine easier!

Thank you for enlightening me! Hmm