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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is my neighbour?

116 replies

AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 12:36

I used to get parcels delivered to my work but they now don’t allow this so I get them delivered to my house. I’m never in, so I always specify that the ‘safe place’ where they should be left is in my back garden, where there is a box with a lid.

Despite this, a few times recently parcels have been left with my neighbours, and more often than not with one man in particular. I always go round to collect them as soon as I get home (usually about 6.30). A couple of weeks ago he mentioned that he was getting annoyed about the number of parcels. I apologised, explained that I always specified they should be left in the garden, and told him he could refuse to take them in. He grumbled, but basically all fine.

But last night another parcel was left with him and I went to pick it up. Neighbour absolutely lost his rag. He said I was taking advantage and that he wasn’t going to give me my parcel. He eventually did give it to me, but he was very angry. I tried to explain that I always specify parcels are to be left in my garden and not with neighbours, but he wouldn’t accept this.

So... who is BU? I don’t know what I can do to stop delivery people disegarding my instructions (except complain which I will now do, but will this actually change anything?). I really don’t want to annoy my neighbour any more, but I also don’t understand why he doesn’t refuse to take in parcels when it annoys him so much?

Any tips on how to manage this before any possibility of good neighbourliness is destroyed forever?

OP posts:

LeftRightCentre · 05/10/2018 13:22

Re-direct to your parents or click and collect at the weekend.

MulticolourMophead · 05/10/2018 13:24

You can do returns using Amazon lockers too.

MulticolourMophead · 05/10/2018 13:25

I think you can also buy lockable bins for delivery drivers to use.

ellendegeneres · 05/10/2018 13:26

Whenever I miss a delivery it always goes to the same neighbour- she jokingly says she’s the local post office collection point, and I always apologise.
To be fair though, we all do it for each other and I have no safe place so it’s neighbours or redeliver.

I think your neighbour needs to chill out and stop taking any parcels in for you if it’s such a hassle, maybe a sign for you saying ‘leave parcels in designated safe place’ and for him ‘no parcels for any addresses besides this one’

namechange4000 · 05/10/2018 13:32

DPD have an app where you can clearly say DO NOT leave with x neighbour, as well as note your safe place.

viccat · 05/10/2018 13:48

I think YANBU as it is for him to make it clear to couriers he doesn't want to take anything for neighbours. Most couriers will remember next time if he tells them, or he can put a note on his door.

I too have a safe place locker in the front garden and some couriers will not follow the instructions; very frustrating! I'm in a lot thought but with my neighbours on either side we all take about 2-3 parcels a month in for each other - somehow we are always in for each other's deliveries but not our own, sod's law! No one minds at all, it's just the neighbourly thing to do to help each other.

twofrontteeth · 05/10/2018 13:51

I work from home so im a real target for delivery people. I don't mind it, but if I did it would be easy enough to refuse and once the delivery people know that you're not accepting for neighbours any more, most of it would stop. Here we have maybe 6-10 regular delivery people and then the odd thing delivered by someone random.

So yanbu. He needs to refuse.

Yabbers · 05/10/2018 13:54

YABU. Contact the companies and tell them you haven’t received parcels. Or stop using the companies you know who do this. It’s not as simple as saying he should refuse. I’ve been in for thee weeks and have lost count at how many times i’ve had to answer the door for other people’s parcels. I have refused them but that’ll disturbs my day. I ended up just not answering the door. Despite the fact I could be clearly seen not answering, the couriers kept just ringing the bell and one came and knocked at the window. So, if you keep doing something you know is disturbing him and you aren’t doing something to fix it, then YABU.

BrokenWing · 05/10/2018 15:00

I think you YAB a bit U having parcels delivered when you know you're not going to be there.

With so many shops in high streets shutting down ordering over the internet is sometimes the only practical way to get what you need without traipsing to the city and paying extortionate parking charges. Not all companies offer pick up points and thankfully all the NDN's in my cul-de-sac are quite happy to take in any parcels. I WFH a couple of days a week and on the run up to Christmas can take in more than 5 parcels a day.

I have absolutely no problem doing such a small favour for a neighbour, it promotes a friendly culture in a street where getting parcels is one of the few times we actually talk to each other. But having that small link means, over the years, neighbours haven't thought twice about knocking on each others doors when they've needed help, everything from one neighbour offering to take ds when there was an ambulance outside my house for dh, to another knocking and asking if we had any aspirin when her dh was having a heart attack, one offering to walk the dog when I was out for my dads funeral or dh passing a NDN house being asked to measure her window because her dh buying something in B&Q didn't believe she was doing it right

Unfortunately OP your neighbour has made it clear he doesn't want to be disturbed and while I think he is BU, you have to respect his wishes. A sticker (you can get weather proof ones printed and delivered from Amazon) on your door to say not to deliver No.9 should be enough.

I have only every had one time when a NDN was pissed of with a delivery. It was a cross trainer in a 6ft x 3ft x 2ft box which arrived at the beginning of my 2 week holiday away, they had to squeeze around it in their hallway for nearly 2 weeks. When we got back we had a missed delivery slip and went over to collect the parcel and got a bit of a shock when we saw their not so happy face and the parcel as we were not expecting anything big. Checked the address label and it was for someone two streets over!!! (he did toy with the idea of just keeping it as no one knew where it was, not sure if he ever did send it back!)

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/10/2018 15:09

I’ve thought about click and collect but it’s not terribly convenient because I work full time in an area quite far from the shopping district in my city, Couldn't you find a click and collect near your work?

Ember12 · 05/10/2018 15:34

Why don't you get it delivered on a Saturday or Sunday?

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2018 15:40

When I lived in an area where they couldn’t just leave parcels by the door, I contracted with a service that accepts packages from all couriers. It wasn’t that expensive and I chose one near my office so it was easy to pick up during my lunch.

The neighbor is right to be annoyed. Just the bell ringing is enough. I do almost all my shopping online at this point. I get multiple deliveries a week and sometimes multiple in a day. If they were ringing my neighbor every time, the neighbors would hate me.

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2018 15:41

You could also consider having a package locker installed by your front door.

lostelephant · 05/10/2018 16:01

Be careful if you put a note on your door to leave parcels in a 'safe place', somebody may see it as an opportunity to find said place.

EvaHarknessRose · 05/10/2018 16:17

Leave a gift and a letter for him, explaining the steps you have taken
‘I am so sorry that delivery companies have continued to ignore my instructions and disturbed you. Please refuse any future deliveries for my address as I have now complained to the company and their couriers and instructed them again not to deliver to your address. Please let me know if you have any issues with the couriers when you refuse and I will complain again.’ He probably just doesn’t know how couriers work, so thinks it must be your instruction, and they now know he is in so will always go straight to him.

Snomade · 05/10/2018 16:23

It's all well and good saying that he needs to refuse them but he's still going to be disturbed by the driver ringing the doorbell before he can refuse it.
My disabled friend gets this a lot and it really winds me up. Its agony for her to get up and answer the door. She tells as many of the delivery people as she can, not to ring her bell for anyone else's parcels, but with the turnover rates, it still happens almost every day. She even put a note on her door but it didn't stop them!
Just imagine if your neighbour is also being disturbed with other people's deliveries, it would be so infuriating.

Charlie97 · 05/10/2018 16:25

@Snomade if companies are ignoring signs on doors what can the OP do about it? Your friend should really take this up with the delivery companies!

MadisonMontgomery · 05/10/2018 16:27

I have my delivery preferences set to not leave parcels with a certain neighbour.

JacquesHammer · 05/10/2018 16:28

Snomade

Your poor friend.

I work from home but arrange to have my deliveries to a click and collect point simply because I don’t want to be disturbed. It’s utterly infuriating being seen as the receiver for parcels just because I’m in. My neighbours agree fortunately but as with the OP you get the odd courier who thinks instructions simply don’t apply to him.

Elasticity · 05/10/2018 16:33

One of my neighbours always orders parcels via Amazon Prime (so they know they are coming the next day). One of the family is a SAHM but despite knowing a big parcel will be coming seems to go out on those particular days.

They then don't pick them up for days even when they are in every night and can see people are in at my house.

One time we were left with a massive box the size of a chest of drawers in our hallway for almost a week.

If I'm ever on holiday or working from home and the doorbell rings, I say no to their parcels now.

Fstar · 05/10/2018 16:33

Yeah he should have told them he wouldnt take it. You could contact the courier directly about them not using the safe place, or as suggested use the lockers or perhaps collect plus stores?

QueenOfIce · 05/10/2018 16:36

We left a note on our door saying 'please do not leave parcels with neighbours, please use our specified safe place' it seems to have worked.

DaphneDiligaf · 05/10/2018 17:06

If the neighbour is elderly maybe he has trouble getting up to actually answer the door. Sorry YABU in my opinion.

Snomade · 05/10/2018 17:09

Charlie97, my friend is having chemotherapy, so does not have the time or energy to be calling delivery companies regarding someone else's deliveries!

To answer your question of what should the OP do about it. The logical answer is not to order items for delivery when they know full well that they won't be there to receive it
OP doesn't want to be inconvenienced by setting up a collection from somewhere else but is quite happy to inconvenience their neighbours.

DuchessThingy · 05/10/2018 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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