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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this “hilarious” card is actually depressing?

698 replies

Decanter · 05/10/2018 00:55

lovelayladesigns.co.uk/Cards/Anniversary_Cards/up-the-bum.html

I have 2 DDs and hate how this kind of crap is being normalised. Fucking hilarious Layla Hmm

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 06/10/2018 04:01

Why are you assuming people haven't tried it?

Generally, when people 'knock' something, it's because they've given it a whirl and didn't enjoy it.

Also, the 'don't knock it until you've tried it' doesn't really gel with not being something you do regularly yourself.

If it's so great Wink why ration it?

CiderBrains · 06/10/2018 05:08

Why can't people just accept that everyone is different and enjoy different things. Some people hate anal sex and some people love it. It's not wrong either way and calling people sad on both sides because they aren't trying it/or enjoy it is ridiculous.

Homophobia is also not nice to read either. If gay men decide to have it then yes it will involve "the faff" of tube etc and so what, if it's consensual and they aren't harming anyone then let them be. Just take off the judgemental hat!

TheDowagerCuntess · 06/10/2018 05:11

Honestly, not everyone who's expressing concern on this thread is being judgemental about anal sex, and it's annoying to be portrayed that way.

Bibijayne · 06/10/2018 05:14

I think there's a few things at play here.

The issue I have is with young men and women being pressurised into doing/ not doing something they want to do in bed.

Calling anal sex 'unnatural' is cruel and ignorant. but so is the 'cool girl/ cool boy rhetoric' often used to pressurise people into engaging in sexual acts they are not comfortable with.

I tried anal years ago. I suspected I would not like it, but was smitten with my first BF at the time who went on about it. So I tried it. I hated it.

Since then j have never done it. I have no issue with sexual partners asking if I'd be interested in it. But get annoyed when people try to pressurise you into something because THEY like it. But this goes for just about any sexual act, ever. I have had some past sexual partners nag/ seem puzzled that I don't want to do somethung with them that I have done before. Some people are just a bit self-centred around this thing.

I am in an amazing monogamous relationship with my husband. I have a higher sex drive/ more kinky than him. I will suggest things - but if he isn't interested we won't do it. I still enjoy our sex life together. We just do things we both enjoy.

The best solution to all is to have healthy discussion about respect in sexual relationships (one night stands included). In most cases (excluding stuff which is illegal for good reason) there is nothing wrong with being interested in/ enjoying something sexual, providing you are with a partner(s) who are on the same page. It's also okay to say you don't want to do a thing because it does not appeal..it is not obligatory to try something if you genuinely do not want to.

Eeevvvveee · 06/10/2018 07:18

🙄 God forbid anyone make a joke these days.

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 07:32

Abortion charity Marie Stopes International is targeting children with a risqué video that seems to suggest anal sex as a method of birth control

Read more: metro.co.uk/2011/02/07/abortion-charitys-anal-sex-contraception-method-video-draws-criticism-637564/?ito=cbshare

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 07:42

“Honestly, not everyone who's expressing concern on this thread is being judgemental about anal sex, and it's annoying to be portrayed that way.”

This.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 06/10/2018 07:44

dowager Exactly. You can express concern about something without it meaning that you think it's disgusting and wrong.

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 08:04

And I hate the “don’t knock it til you’ve tried it” line. I want my dd to be able to say, about anything sexual “I haven’t tried it, but I don’t fancy it. And you can either accept that, or leave”

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 06/10/2018 08:06

bertrand It's funny how men don't seem to have to try it. They're allowed to say they don't fancy anal sex performed on them. Not so for so many women, sadly.

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 08:12

“It's funny how men don't seem to have to try it.”

Indeed. Mind you, they don’t seem to have to try cunnilingus or foreplay if they don’t want to either.........

Lweji · 06/10/2018 08:18

I've stayed away because this thread, as many, descended into pps portraying or reading posts as something entirely different and assigning values to purely biological observations.
I'm a biologist and will talk about biology aspects, which is very different from making moral values.

People will get sexual pleasure in a number of different ways. We all know that. I don't have a problem with that. I get and give sexual pleasure in different ways.

Sex can mean lots of things, though.
Biologically, it evolved as penis into vagina. (Nothing to do with the patriarchy...) Those are the two organs that were shaped by natural evolution and natural selection to come together for reproduction. That is the "natural" way for sex because it was adapted for reproduction.

It's not a case of God created sex as PIV and anything else is unnatural.

In evolution terms, humans have escaped nature, including in sex. We don't use sex for reproduction alone.
So, we get sexual pleasure in many different ways that don't necessarily involve PIV. Fine.

However, some practices we use involve organs that didn't evolve for that purpose. Some organs are more adaptable (mouth, tongue and fingers- nobody mentioned these two) but other organs can be trickier (anus).

It's entirely up to the people (or single person...) involved what to use and how. And people should be fully aware of how best to use some of these organs and the risks involved.

For example, men have been coming out with HPV cancers in the oral region because they think they don't need condoms orally, all else being fine.

This takes me to the specific issue, which was mentioned earlier in the thread, of girls having anal sex to prevent pregnancy.
This is a very specific issue, and that doesn't apply to gay men or even lesbian couples. Sigh.

So, is anal sex a good option when women want to avoid pregnancy?
Yes, if that's your only concern. Maybe not if because you're doing analysis you're not using condoms. So, we'd be comparing protected vaginal sex vs unprotected anal sex. That's realistic in a society that bans condoms and in those occasions when they don't have them.
In that sense, girls (read above why girls) should be aware that such unprotected anal sex carries a higher risk of STDS than vaginal sex (I gave link earlier, it's not outdated opinion). Plus, because we're talking about avoiding pregnancy, it will involve penis (sigh- also read above), which can be wide, and eventually the pressure in the anus (which, let's remember, didn't evolve with penises in mind) can cause some damage to it (disclaimer - obviously the size issue will also apply if inserting large objects in the anus).
Sexual education of boys and girls (and it seems many adults) should involve all these aspects, so that they can make truly informed choices when deciding how to have sex.

Now, if you want to fucking select copy and call my post homophobic or sexually repressed, go ahead.

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:18

“I haven’t tried it, but I don’t fancy it. And you can either accept that, or leave”

Perfect answer. We can all do that. No-one has to try anything. That goes for men too.

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:19

As for the lube, it's useful after menopause too (amazing how things change down there). It's not just for anal.

Lweji · 06/10/2018 08:20

Note: in places autocorrect seems to have replaced anal with analysis. Sorry for that. Replace as appropriate.

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:21

The vagina can atrophy and dry with ageing and can tear during intercourse if not lubed-up. What once was so easy and worry-free becomes a bit more work later on if you want to continue your usual sex-life. That has certainly been my experience.

Mookie81 · 06/10/2018 08:26

I'm reporting this thread for ridiculous homophobia. AngrySad Stillme you are vile.
It's funny how so many of you are horrified by anal sex but you seem to have a massive stick up your arses! Grin

Gottagetmoving · 06/10/2018 08:28

Lesbians. Have. Anal. Sex.FFS

No one said they didn't and no, they don't ALL have anal sex just like heterosexual couples, some do, some don't.
Young inexperienced lesbians are like young inexperienced heterosexual girls. Why would you think a lesbian in particular would want something up her arse?

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:34

What a drag, having to slather yourself in K.Y. jelly, and get yourself 'prepared' with the 'tools' you need, just to enable you to tolerate an erect penis in your bumhole

Substitute "bumhole" for "vagina" and this is me post-menopause. It's not really such a drag though. Just part of the rich tapestry of my life Grin

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 08:37

“I haven’t tried it, but I don’t fancy it. And you can either accept that, or leave”

Perfect answer. We can all do that. No-one has to try anything. That goes for men too.”

Well, not according to the “don’t knock it til you’ve tried it brigade”!

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:39

Well, not according to the “don’t knock it til you’ve tried it brigade”!

There will always be people enthusing about things they like. Heroin, alcohol, public sex, knitting, love of goldfish-keeping.

No need to cave to the pressure. Stand firm!

BertrandRussell · 06/10/2018 08:39

Report homophobic posts, of course. There have been some.

But as a point of information, there are plenty of gay men who don’t have anal sex either.

Earlywalker · 06/10/2018 08:47

It's funny how so many of you are horrified by anal sex but you seem to have a massive stick up your arses!

This made me laugh! I’ve never in my life come accross anyone that’s so sensitive about anal sex. The first time I did it, I sure needed a condom anyway. No way that cucumber was fitting in my polo without. ‘‘Twas the 5 year sex life spice up and was great. Vaginal sex is excruciating the first time too, then it gets better obviously. Maybe a lot of you would be a lot less uptight if you were getting better sex Wink

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 08:48

No way that cucumber was fitting in my polo without

Grin
Lichtie · 06/10/2018 08:53

"It's funny how so many of you are horrified by anal sex but you seem to have a massive stick up your arses!"

😂 Brilliant