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Original poster

For not wanting my boyfriend to cut the grass of his ex?

124 replies

Saraeast · 04/10/2018 16:00

Before I got with my boyfriend, he was married and cheated in his wife with a neighbour. He told me about it and that it started as friendship and got sexual, he told me that at one point he and her (the neighbour) were going to "make a go of it"
I have been with him for 8 months now and things seem different - he is quick to tell me to fuck off, shut up, and generally disrespectful of me. When I call him out on it his answer is to twist things around and blame me for not trusting him or being insecure. I am insecure in our relationship because I caught him out lying to me a month or so ago about where he was going - he disappeared for 6 hours and said he was going to play football with his mates. He left at 5 30 and at 2130 I was trying to call him and he wasn't answering. Then he came back at 1130pm saying he had been swimming as he needed to think. I was suspicious but trusted him. A few weeks later I find out he is messaging a woman and when I asked who it was he said "one of my customers" but had deleted all the history. He got angry with me for not trusting him. I then saw a list of women's names written in a note pad to which I was the last name on it- so I asked him what the list was - is it a list of all the people he has slept with? The "customer" he said he was texting was in this list. He then admitted to me that the night he went "swimming" he had gone to her house but nothing happened. Obviously the trust was now gone as I had exposed his lies.

In recent weeks things have been strained because he seems quick to get rid of me and doesn't seem to ever go near me - sex is one sided (on my part - he gets pleasures and then rolls over). He says it is down to stress and he doesn't know why.
I have now just got really upset because I found out he is currently at another ex's house (the one he was going to leave his wife for) and doing a lawn cut because he needs the money. I got upset and questioned his motives and his answer was to tell me to fuck off, followed by there is no trust in our relationship so just leave.
I am devastated. I love him. Am I the problem? I don't think I am but he is adamant I am being unreasonable and need to trust him.

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 04/10/2018 16:02

I would end the relationship. He disrespects you and that is enough to end things. It will not get any better.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2018 16:03

Dear Lord, do you think that little of yourself that you would put up with this shit?

It's been 8 months, tell those waste of space to fuck off

(I assume you don't live with him Shock)

showmeahero · 04/10/2018 16:03

What on earth are you doing with him?
He sounds awful and it's pretty clear that he's already cheating. Leave him OP Thanks

beyondthesky · 04/10/2018 16:04

I'm not sure what there is to love about him I'm afraid.

You're only eight months into this relationship and he has already proven to be a deceitful liar and, by your own admission, is completely disrespectful to you.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. You need to run for the hills and let him get on with his tangled, fucked-up attitude to 'love'.

SoupDragon · 04/10/2018 16:04

I fully expect that he’s cheating on you.

MeredithGrey1 · 04/10/2018 16:06

You are absolutely not the problem, and if I were you, I would leave him.

I find it interesting that the thread title is to do with the lawn mowing, and not the likely cheating/lies/lack of trust/way he speaks to you - for me those are much much worse.

Aprilislonggone · 04/10/2018 16:07

Is it a euphemism?
Wink

TeddybearBaby · 04/10/2018 16:09

I’m so sad to read this, have you always suffered with low self esteem?

You’re not the problem. He is! Find someone who worships the ground you walk on. He does not deserve you! 💐

Original poster
Saraeast · 04/10/2018 16:10

I really don't know. I am terrified that I just am not good enough for him.

OP posts:
RangeRider · 04/10/2018 16:10

The grass cutting is irrelevant. The fact that he cheated on his wife, messages another woman, lies to you, and is generally verbally and emotionally abusive, suggests that you would be a lot better off getting shot of this delightful presence in your life. A goldfish would be better company (and wouldn't cheat on you).

TwistedStitch · 04/10/2018 16:11

He cheated on his wife, why wouldn't he cheat on you? Plus he's disrespectful and selfish in bed. Raise your standards.

NonaGrey · 04/10/2018 16:11

You are only 8 months in and:

He swears at you
He lies to you
He’s texting other women
The sex is rubbish

Explain why you haven’t walked away? This is never going to get better.

You deserve a better life than this.

TeddybearBaby · 04/10/2018 16:12

PLEASE work on that / have some counselling. I suspect you’ve shown how low your standards are and what you’ll accept and he’s taking the piss and he’s being nasty as far as I’m concerned.

I promise you you’re good enough. NO actually you’re TOO good by a million miles x

RangeRider · 04/10/2018 16:13

I am terrified that I just am not good enough for him.
Unless you're planning a massive drip feed as to how you beat him up regularly, have cheated on him, have sold his belongings to pay for your drug habit, and have murdered his entire family, I think it's safe to say that you're far too good for him! He's a piece of scum and you deserve someone who treats you with respect as a bare minimum. Do yourself a favour and kick him into touch.

whatsagoodusername · 04/10/2018 16:14

He and his behaviour are not good enough for you. You deserve better.

Babyshark2018 · 04/10/2018 16:14

Seriously, read over everything you’ve just written. There’s no question is there?

You know you need to leave but need the confidence to do so. Please don’t stay with this loser. Flowers

ReynoldsGirl · 04/10/2018 16:14

You are terrified you're not good enough for him?

HE is not good enough for you Flowers

DiveBombingSeagull · 04/10/2018 16:15

Saraeast Thu 04-Oct-18 16:10:01
"I really don't know. I am terrified that I just am not good enough for him."

No love, it is him that is not good enough for you.

Babyshark2018 · 04/10/2018 16:15

Are you a lot younger than him OP?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/10/2018 16:16

8 months? And you say 'came back' so it sounds as though he has moved in with you?

Bloody hell woman! Pack his crap up and put it and him out of the door! Do it now so you can have the weekend to clean every sign of him out of your home.

You should be in the absolutely sickeningly loved up honeymoon period at 8 months. Not having his sexual 'prowess' displayed or being told you don't trust his self proclaimed cheating arse!

Don't be devastated, be angry!!!!

Original poster
Saraeast · 04/10/2018 16:16

No we are the same age.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 16:17

Why are you still there. He has told you bluntly he wants you to leave. It's clear he's not interested and the relationship is over. Honestly op, as sad as it makes uou feel, don't make him ask you to leave multiple times.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 16:18

In life we all have 2 guarantees. Death and taxes. You happen to have one more. This year of a boyfriend WILL cheat on you. Do you really need to ask if you should stay with him? He's a complete waste of oxygen.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/10/2018 16:19

WTF?
Why is this even a consideration?
Dump the lying, cheating, abusive asshole immediately.
And for the love of god, call or contact Womens Aid and arrange to do their Freedom Programme as a matter of urgency.
This man is vile.
You need to get him out of you life.
You also need to avoid these types of men in future.
Why the hell you haven't already realised that you deserve far better is beyond me, but I know nothing about your upbringing.
Tell him to get to fuck!

kathrynelizabeth3005 · 04/10/2018 16:19

Jesus, he sounds like a catch. Please raise your standards and tell this total waste of space to fuck off. Leave him and don’t look back.