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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting my boyfriend to cut the grass of his ex?

124 replies

Saraeast · 04/10/2018 16:00

Before I got with my boyfriend, he was married and cheated in his wife with a neighbour. He told me about it and that it started as friendship and got sexual, he told me that at one point he and her (the neighbour) were going to "make a go of it"
I have been with him for 8 months now and things seem different - he is quick to tell me to fuck off, shut up, and generally disrespectful of me. When I call him out on it his answer is to twist things around and blame me for not trusting him or being insecure. I am insecure in our relationship because I caught him out lying to me a month or so ago about where he was going - he disappeared for 6 hours and said he was going to play football with his mates. He left at 5 30 and at 2130 I was trying to call him and he wasn't answering. Then he came back at 1130pm saying he had been swimming as he needed to think. I was suspicious but trusted him. A few weeks later I find out he is messaging a woman and when I asked who it was he said "one of my customers" but had deleted all the history. He got angry with me for not trusting him. I then saw a list of women's names written in a note pad to which I was the last name on it- so I asked him what the list was - is it a list of all the people he has slept with? The "customer" he said he was texting was in this list. He then admitted to me that the night he went "swimming" he had gone to her house but nothing happened. Obviously the trust was now gone as I had exposed his lies.

In recent weeks things have been strained because he seems quick to get rid of me and doesn't seem to ever go near me - sex is one sided (on my part - he gets pleasures and then rolls over). He says it is down to stress and he doesn't know why.
I have now just got really upset because I found out he is currently at another ex's house (the one he was going to leave his wife for) and doing a lawn cut because he needs the money. I got upset and questioned his motives and his answer was to tell me to fuck off, followed by there is no trust in our relationship so just leave.
I am devastated. I love him. Am I the problem? I don't think I am but he is adamant I am being unreasonable and need to trust him.

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 04/10/2018 19:22

He’s disrespectful and rude to you to beat you down and keep your eestem low, so you think you’re not good enough for anyone else and won’t leave.
But please leave - you deserve better than this life.

bringincrazyback · 04/10/2018 19:22

LTB. Whether he cuts her grass or not is irrelevant, he's nasty and abusive, and for your own sake you need to get angry and get rid. You're worth more.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 04/10/2018 19:24

You love him. Why? What exactly does he do or say or make you feel that is even worthy of your love? Nothing. It is wasted on him. Leave!

Tomatoesrock · 04/10/2018 19:31

Try to look at the situation from the outside. He is stringing you along, he is either a serial cheater or is just using you until he meets someone else, either way it is bad.

Get out of this destructive relationship before you have no self esteem. He is a dick head kick him to the curb, lick your wounds and move on.

MidnightAura · 04/10/2018 19:34

Leave the bastard OP

This pathetic excuse for a man isn’t worth the dirt on your shoes and it’s only been 8 months. Run for the hills.

Tomatoesrock · 04/10/2018 19:42

Take back the control tell him, he is not worth the stress. He is used to satisfying himself first in every respect.

BlueJava · 04/10/2018 19:51

That's shocking behaviour on his part. I'd dump him - he can then "mow all the lawns" and "swim" as much as he wants. Clearly a player and not a charming one.

Omzlas · 04/10/2018 19:57

Sorry OP but it's only a matter of time until you find out that he's cheating on you

He's a snake and a vile human

You deserve better

Please find the strength to move on. Imagine a friend came to you with this, see it from the other side. Would you tell him/her that she isn't good enough?

BitchQueen90 · 04/10/2018 20:04

Please dump him. You deserve to be treated with respect. He's a twat.

confusedmomm · 04/10/2018 21:36

@Saraeast
I really don't know. I am terrified that I just am not good enough for him.

Its him who is not good enough for you! he's never going to get to the level you'd expect him to be at. Move on before you get hurt, as it will happen by the sound of it

agnurse · 04/10/2018 21:41

My dear, you deserve SO much better than this.

To me the fact that he cheated on his wife would have been a HUGE red flag from the get go. Add to that his abuse and dishonesty and you have a recipe for a lout. You need to RUN, not walk, out of this relationship.

There are FAR better men out there for you. If he's cheated on his ex he could cheat on you. You deserve someone who won't abuse you.

Redglitter · 04/10/2018 21:42

Your thread title is slightly bizarre. Of all the things wrong in your relationship him cutting someone else's grass is really not your main problem.

Read back your OP what exactly are you getting from this relationship??

wtfhaveijustread · 04/10/2018 21:48

Oh my god! Listen you can do so much better than this complete WANKER!!! He is walking all over you! Leave him now, you will feel stronger for doing so. And you might not think it right now but you will meet someone who will treat you like a queen!

He is emotionally blackmailing you by saying oh just leave then. He will get the shock of his life if you end it, he thinks he has got you wrapped round his finger. Leave him for your own sanity OP

Anerak · 04/10/2018 21:49

It might help to consider where the love comes from that you feel for him. Is that all you think you deserve? You know he is not treating you well so why are you staying? Only you can give yourself permission to do the right thing and allow yourself the love that you need, and believe me - it will never, ever be this guy

Popc0rn · 04/10/2018 21:54

LTB.
Get checked for STDs.
Never date a man who has cheated on an ex ever again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Lulubelle15 · 04/10/2018 21:56

Well he sounds just delightful. Never mind about walking away, run as fast as your legs can carry you!!!

BlueUggs · 04/10/2018 22:00

Your boyfriend is a cunt. The grass cutting is the least of your worries!!

MemoryOfSleep · 04/10/2018 22:18

You're too good for him.

MistressDeeCee · 04/10/2018 22:58

You shacked up with a cheat and now you're insecure.

No shit Sherlock

You don't love yourself and he doesn't love you. None of which means you can't stay with him of course, it's your choice but at least, see the situation for what it is.

He's just being as he's always been. That's it

Fontofnoknowledge · 05/10/2018 04:48

I got upset and questioned his motives and his answer was to tell me to fuck off, followed by there is no trust in our relationship so just leave.

Please find some self respect. I know it's hard but please do it and walk away from this man . You may of convinced yourself that you love him. Sadly he doesn't love you back, in fact he doesn't even like you.

You are acting like an emotional punch bag. Just waiting to absorb another blow.

Walk away and in a week you will feel so much stronger.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/10/2018 07:26

I don't see how you can love this slimebag - I've lifted cat poos from the carpet that I've felt more warmly about than your boyfriend. You deserve so much better than this.

Lose the loser. You'll be a lot happier without this waste of resources draining the joy from your life. Relationships are meant to enhance your life, not blight it.

Member869894 · 05/10/2018 07:33

OP I am sorry you are going through this. I can only think that you have no self esteem to be putting up with this. Can you focus on building up your own self worth - see friends, eat well, do something for yourself each day? This isn't love .

AnneTisocial · 05/10/2018 10:31

OP, trust me on this because I have been where you are and suffered the exact same treatment.

HE isn't good enough for YOU

HE WILL NOT CHANGE

Dump him. Run. NOW. You deserve so much better, OP. This guy is only out for himself and he will break you if you stay. I am speaking from experience.

SalemBlackCat4 · 05/10/2018 10:56

Ok, so, you already know that he cheated on his wife with their neighbour. As well as that he verbally abuses you and disrespects you.

Please tell us, why do you love him? There doesn't seem to be a skerrick of a thing to love about him. Once a cheater always a cheater, he will never change. The fact that he returns late and never answers phones, the fact he has lists of women and deletes chat history PROVES this. If you want an abusive cheater, who will cheat on you again and again, and again while verbally abusing you, stay with him.

If you want someone worthy of you who will treat you how you deserve to be treated, and to be honest, walk right out of this relationship with your head held high. Because you deserve so much better than him.

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