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Original poster

For not wanting my boyfriend to cut the grass of his ex?

124 replies

Saraeast · 04/10/2018 16:00

Before I got with my boyfriend, he was married and cheated in his wife with a neighbour. He told me about it and that it started as friendship and got sexual, he told me that at one point he and her (the neighbour) were going to "make a go of it"
I have been with him for 8 months now and things seem different - he is quick to tell me to fuck off, shut up, and generally disrespectful of me. When I call him out on it his answer is to twist things around and blame me for not trusting him or being insecure. I am insecure in our relationship because I caught him out lying to me a month or so ago about where he was going - he disappeared for 6 hours and said he was going to play football with his mates. He left at 5 30 and at 2130 I was trying to call him and he wasn't answering. Then he came back at 1130pm saying he had been swimming as he needed to think. I was suspicious but trusted him. A few weeks later I find out he is messaging a woman and when I asked who it was he said "one of my customers" but had deleted all the history. He got angry with me for not trusting him. I then saw a list of women's names written in a note pad to which I was the last name on it- so I asked him what the list was - is it a list of all the people he has slept with? The "customer" he said he was texting was in this list. He then admitted to me that the night he went "swimming" he had gone to her house but nothing happened. Obviously the trust was now gone as I had exposed his lies.

In recent weeks things have been strained because he seems quick to get rid of me and doesn't seem to ever go near me - sex is one sided (on my part - he gets pleasures and then rolls over). He says it is down to stress and he doesn't know why.
I have now just got really upset because I found out he is currently at another ex's house (the one he was going to leave his wife for) and doing a lawn cut because he needs the money. I got upset and questioned his motives and his answer was to tell me to fuck off, followed by there is no trust in our relationship so just leave.
I am devastated. I love him. Am I the problem? I don't think I am but he is adamant I am being unreasonable and need to trust him.

OP posts:
missbattenburg · 04/10/2018 16:44

OP, I try to say this as gently as I can... this is not a relationship and this man is not your boyfriend.

Regardless of what you call it, relationships do not look like this.

They just don't.

Leave him, work on your self esteem issues and do not accept anyone in your life that makes you feel this shit.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 16:44

There's nothing in your posts that make me think that you should stay with him.

He lies and is probably cheating on you, he tells you to shut up and fuck off?

And you're wondering if it's you.

Get rid today.

YearOfYouRemember · 04/10/2018 16:45

Stopped reading as soon as you said he tells you to fuck off and shut up.

Get out. There's no good in this. Even if he's got money and sex is amazing. Get some self respect.

Orangecake123 · 04/10/2018 16:45

I didn't read the rest and I didn't need to. The first sentence said it all.

"he is quick to tell me to fuck off, shut up, and generally disrespectful of me. "

Dump him and do not look back.

Rhiannon13 · 04/10/2018 16:46

We really need to take relationship education more seriously than we seem to be doing at the moment!

OP, this is very obviously a toxic relationship but you know this, right, or you wouldn't have posted on here? Read back what you've written, but instead of it being about you, imagine a very good friend is confiding in you. What would your advice be to them? It would be to leave ASAP, surely?

You are worth more than this. You've got it the wrong way around: he doesn't deserve you Flowers

SilverySurfer · 04/10/2018 16:46

What a prince among men he sounds Hmm actually more like a shitbag and I seriously don't understand why you would want to stay with such a creep. Find some self respect and kick him out of your life.

If you think any man is better than no man, you couldn't be more wrong.

You deserve better.

diddl · 04/10/2018 16:49

"Before I got with my boyfriend, he was married and cheated in his wife with a neighbour."

Tbh I didn't need to read past that.

You can do better.

MrsStrowman · 04/10/2018 16:51

You've got much bigger issues than whose lawn he cuts, he's clearly cheating, but even if he wasn't he tells you to fuck off, is rude and disrespectful. Surely you want more than that in a relationship?

Gazelda · 04/10/2018 16:53

End it. Be happy. You will never be happy with him. Nor will any woman, because he doesn't treat women with respect and love.

gimbles · 04/10/2018 16:55

I have been with him for 8 months now and things seem different - he is quick to tell me to fuck off, shut up, and generally disrespectful of me

I didn't read any further than this.

Why are you with him?

Wavyheaded · 04/10/2018 16:56

Dump him.

Tighnabruaich · 04/10/2018 16:56

Are you kidding? HE'S not good enough for YOU, not the other way round. At 8 months you should both be starry eyed, not this awful swearing and lying from him. You'd be better off single than having to put up with this heartache from a man like this. You should be cherished and loved and supported - but you won't get it from him.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 04/10/2018 16:56

Seriously, what could you possibly “love” about a person who treats you like that?

Elasticity · 04/10/2018 16:57

He has literally told you to leave.

So LTB. He is forcing you out. Doesn't have the balls to just end it himself, probably because he likes the living situation or something. Wants to have his cake and eat it by living/being with you but also seeing his bits on the side whenever and using your insecurity to make it all seem like your fault.

MadeForThis · 04/10/2018 16:57

He's a cheat. You deserve better.

You've spent 8 months to realise this. Don't waste any more time.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 04/10/2018 16:58

He is cheating, has been caught up and now is trying to make it out you are the one unreasonable because you dint trust him etc etc

He is clearly not making you happy.
You don’t trust him and he has no intention to ensure you ca trust him again. Rather he has decided to get nasty instead.
Do you think it’s a relationship worth carrying on with?

3timeslucky · 04/10/2018 17:01

You're in an 8 month long relationship with someone who tells you to fuck off and has lied to you. Run for the hills!

Figlessfig · 04/10/2018 17:02

Oh dear god. No no no no no.

You need to get out of there before his disrespect descends into violence.

He’s abusing you already. He’s an abuser. He’s not going to get any better. Possibly much worse.

He’s told you what to do. He’s told you to leave. That’s exactly what you should do.

Have you got anywhere to go? Your mum’s? A friend’s? Get your stuff together and get out of there.

Lalliella · 04/10/2018 17:04

OP you are worth much much more than this. Please don’t think you aren’t. LTB.

lovetherisingsun · 04/10/2018 17:06

You deserve better than this, OP. If you had a daughter, what advice would you give her?

"Mum, my boyfriend, he tells me to fuck off, he's lied to me multiple times, he's probably cheated, what should I do??"
"Darling....you're worth a million of him. How dare that fucker treat you like that? Get out now, it's only been 8 months..." and so on.

sue51 · 04/10/2018 17:08

What on earth are you doing with this man? End it now.

HalloumiGus · 04/10/2018 17:11

FFS. Look I haven't read the full thread and I really try to be kind online as I am in life but DUMP HIM. Honestly. He was awful in previous relationships and now he's being awful to you. This should come as no surprise! Dump his arse and breathe a sigh of relief.

Longdistance · 04/10/2018 17:12

He sounds like he’s punching above his weight op.

I wouldn’t trust him. He has a history of cheating, and he’s crap in bed. With all that cheating you’d have thought he’d get some practice in...

kaytee87 · 04/10/2018 17:13

God you need to dump him!

My husband has never told me to fuck off and we've been together a lot longer than 8 months!

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2018 17:15

What do you think love is op?
What is it about him that you love?
It sounds like you genuinely believe he is 'better' than you, and that you owe it to him to make his life wonderful. Why do you think like that?