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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

50/50 custody who gets benefits?

120 replies

Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 13:12

I broke up with my husband in January and the biggest mistake I made was not to take my son when I moved out. I thought I was doing the right thing as I didn’t want disrupt his routine until I was set up in a new house and I was still seeing him every day. Since then I have had to battle to get access to him and ended up going through the court and we now have time with him 50/50. I also thought that in the beginning that I was doing the right thing by transferring the child benefit to him as he didn’t have a job at the time and would have struggled to look after my son. Now since things have been agreed with custody I am now really struggling for money as I’m not recieving any kind of benefit for my son and he is sitting pretty claiming it all. I know I can make a claim for it too and then they will make the decision on which parent is to get it but what can I do to help sway it to me?

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 04/10/2018 13:13

Logical thing would be to split it evenly 50/50. Not sure how it all works though.

flamingofridays · 04/10/2018 13:16

is your ex approachable enough to be able to have a conversation about it and say you want half?

MinnieRabbit · 04/10/2018 13:18

"sitting pretty"? On £20.70 a week?

Any other benefits he gets will be based on his own personal circumstances won't they?

Doyoumind · 04/10/2018 13:22

Does the court order say shared residency or is one of you named as the RP?

If you are single are there no other benefits you are eligible for?

SillySallySingsSongs · 04/10/2018 13:22

he is sitting pretty claiming it all.

No one is going to 'sit pretty' on CB.

steff13 · 04/10/2018 13:22

Is your ex working now? Are you?

Do you think he'd be willing to split it with your proportional to your income?

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 04/10/2018 13:28

Any other benefits he gets will be based on his own personal circumstances won't they?

He could potentially be claiming a substantial amount in child tax credits, childcare tax credits or UC on the basis of having a dep child. Those do depend on his own circumstances a bit, in that if he's earning enough he won't get any of them, but if he is getting any top up benefits then it'll be more than he'd get without a child. For low paid or unemployed single people, the child related top up benefits are often all that allows them to live.

Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 13:42

I agree, but he won’t split it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 13:44

I have asked him for half but he told me not to be rediculous! I see that any kind of money that is given because of a child should be for the child and if I have him half of the time then I should get half

OP posts:
Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 13:50

The court order didn’t name either of us as resident parent but I actually have our son 4 extra hours in the 2 weeks. He does have a job now, he says it’s only part time but I’m not sure I believe him. I have had to get a second job just to get by but he is turning up to collect him with a lovely new car and has just bought all new furniture.

OP posts:
Felford · 04/10/2018 13:52

Don't think many on here would be suggesting asking for half the child benefit if a man had posted the above about his ex sitting pretty on benefits!

Doyoumind · 04/10/2018 14:03

The residency thing should have been sorted. It's relevant when looking at school admissions etc. Which address does the GP/school etc have? I think they would look at that kind of thing if you were trying to claim.

Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 14:04

Ok maybe it was the wrong choice of words but he’s certainly a lot better off than he ever has been in the past with all the new things he’s buying and I can only just afford to pay my bills. I’ve been the reasonable one through the whole split and he’s out for everything he can get. I just don’t see why he should get paid the benefit and child credit and not give me any when I’m in exactly the same situation as him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 14:06

He’s currently registered at his address at the gp and dentist as he keeps changing it behind my back and he’s not in school or nursery yet as he’s only 2

OP posts:
SillySallySingsSongs · 04/10/2018 14:07

Don't think many on here would be suggesting asking for half the child benefit if a man had posted the above about his ex sitting pretty on benefits!

I agree tbh

NameChanger22 · 04/10/2018 14:10

Who is paying the childcare?

NameChanger22 · 04/10/2018 14:12

Sorry, I just saw he's not in nursery. Who is looking after him while your ex is at work?

Doyoumind · 04/10/2018 14:16

Without wanting to sound too negative you are in a weak position here and will continue to be, even if you share care 50:50. If he is seen as the resident parent then that will be seen as the main address for school applications etc.

Littlebean13 · 04/10/2018 14:23

The only benefit he has what you would be entitled to is child benefit which is £80pm.
Any other benefits he gets such as tax credits etc. Is circumstantial so they are nothing to do with you
If you need to claim benefits such as tax credits you will have to do that yourself as a single person

Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 14:24

He says he only works when I have him but I’m not sure I believe him. I know I’m in the weak position that’s why I’ve asked the question on here to see if anyone had been in the same situation or had any ideas. The only thing that I can think is to send him to nursery for one day a week so he can be registered at my address but then I would have to pay out for that and also would be losing out on time with him which I don’t want 🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 14:25

They only pay child tax credit to the parent who is paid the child benefits!

OP posts:
TulipsInBloom1 · 04/10/2018 14:27

Tbh as log as the CB is being used for things the child needs, then does it really matter who claims it?

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 04/10/2018 14:31

If you get your child tax credits through universal credit then I don't think it necessarily is linked to CB as I received tax credits for mine through UC but had never applied for CB.

Original poster
Unicornsandrainbows12 · 04/10/2018 14:36

I would agree with that if he was splitting it with me or I was getting some of the clothes or toys or whatever he is buying but I literally have seen nothing he has bought for him... except numerous Mac Donald’s happy meal toys!

OP posts:
Littlemouseroar · 04/10/2018 14:36

Its determined by who is the main resident parent. I know you are 50/50, but its done by who the school feels is the main parent, who the doctor thinks is the main parent. I’m sorry that you are having a tough time at the moment, but this system reduces the amount of arguing over who gets what and means at least someone is getting money to look after the child.