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AIBU?

To complain about another child in Reception class?

115 replies

SunnyHotSummersAreBest · 04/10/2018 11:29

So, DS is in a small class and has been with his classmates through Nursery.
They're now in Reception together and all the kids are lovely apart from one who's behavior drives me insane.
It's a few things that wind me up...being cheeky and disrespectful to other parents and from what I've witnessed seems disruptive in class, generally very immature in behavior compared to the others and I worry that the others are being influenced and distracted by the bad behavior.
DS (obviously I'm biased.......Wink) is such a good little boy......(most of the timeHmm) polite, tries really hard and loves to learn new things. But....he copies this other kid all the time and really lets himself down and makes me a bit Angry
Do you think I should mention it to the teacher or AIBU given that it's such a small class....would it be difficult for the teacher to address?
Feel I need to do something and don't want to mention it to other parents at school in case they just think I'm being a bitch.....I'm really not but it's making me sooo uptight!

OP posts:
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MsPavlichenko · 04/10/2018 11:34

I am sure the teacher knows what is going on in class. I am not sure how you do though.

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Wineandpyjamas · 04/10/2018 11:35

I wouldn’t mention it to the teacher to be honest. It’s a small class and I’m sure she’s already aware that the other boy is a little disruptive. Also I’m not sure exactly how she would be able to help.

I think the best thing you can do is to quietly have a word with your DS when he’s imitating behaviour that you don’t like the way he’s acting and much prefer it when he behaves nicely. Much praise for good behaviour, no attention given for bad behaviour etc etc. Hopefully it’s just a phase he’s going through and will be back to being your lovely little DS soon.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 04/10/2018 11:36

I’m sure the teacher knows. What do you think bringing it up would achieve?

I intensely dislike the idea of a child being singled out and talked about in such emotive terms, especially at that age. Behaviour can be changed, support/strategies introduced.

Which is more than can be said for the playground gossips.

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steff13 · 04/10/2018 11:36

I'm sure the teachers are aware if the boy's behavior is disruptive and distracting the other kids, and are prepared to address that.

If your son is copying him, you should address your son's behavior. If he's rude or cheeky, he gets a time out (it whatever you preferred punishment is). It doesn't matter that the other boy was rude first, your son needs to learn to control his own actions.

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Booboostwo · 04/10/2018 11:39

So there are two kids that misbehave in class and, without knowing anything about what happens in class, you are sure your DS is a little angel, led astray by the other child?

YABU. If your DS’s behavior needs addressing I am sure the teacher will talk with you.

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Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/10/2018 11:40

Focus on your son. If you want to speak to the Teacher, make it about your son. The other child isn't your business or concern; if your son is copying his behaviour, focus on changing that and teaching him how to make better choices regardless of what the other child does; your son will come across plenty of children throughout his school years who make poor choices, he can't blame them every time he mimics their behaviours.

And try to focus less on another child; as a parent you rarely have any real idea of what's going on inside that classroom.

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BuddingGardener2017 · 04/10/2018 11:41

Don't mention it. You don't have all the facts, and they are 4 years old, I'm sure the staff expect some level of "disruption". I would work on not being driven "insane" by the behaviour, which is something you can control.

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RonniePickering · 04/10/2018 11:42

He’s only in reception? Don’t write him off just yet for Christ’s sake.

And don’t gossip about him, I’d think you were “one of those” mums and give you a wide berth, ya gossip.

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Rinoachicken · 04/10/2018 11:42

Focus on your son’s behaviour, not the other child. The teacher will already be aware and also you have no idea if the child has additional needs.

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Nicknacky · 04/10/2018 11:42

Why exactly do you think the teacher isn’t aware of her pupils and their personalities?

And you can’t blame another child for your sons behaviour.

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Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 11:43

I think you need to address your child's behaviour and not blame the other little boy. His parents and teacher can deal with him if necessary.

If your child is behaving in a way that's not acceptable to you, then you need to manage it with him directly and with his teachers. It's not ok to say it's the other kids fault and he should be dealt with.

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Geraldine170 · 04/10/2018 11:43

Honestly, if an adult can look at a child of that age and not think ‘Poor kid, wonder what he’s got going on in his life that is troubling him’ is probably not a very nice person. There isn’t an ounce of empathy or compassion in your thread.

Personally in this situation I would be friendly towards the mother to see if there was anything I could help with.

BTW, blaming your own child’s behaviour on another child is a cop out and you may well find, if you speak to the teacher, that your little angel is a little shit when your back’s turned.

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Glumglowworm · 04/10/2018 11:45

I’m sure that the teacher knows what’s happening in the classroom better than you do.

If your son is copying bad behaviour then focus on improving his behaviour.

Throughout his time at school your DS will be influenced by his peers, sometimes positively and sometimes not. You and he need to learn that he can only control his own behaviour, not that of other children

If the other child was bullying yours then absolutely you would be right to speak to the teacher. But not over a four year old being rude and disruptive in their first half term of school.

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puzzledlady · 04/10/2018 11:45

Focus on your own child’s behaviour. Let the teacher and the other boys parents deal with the other child if he is ‘disruptive’ - fwiw, 4 year old tend to embellish things so I wouldn’t be so quick to judge the other child. Hmm

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Kardashianlove · 04/10/2018 11:45

he copies this other kid all the time
You’ve said the other child is cheeky and disrespectful to other parents and disruptive in class. If your DS is copying this behaviour and being cheeky and disrespectful towards adults and disrupting the class this is what you need to address.

For all you know this child could be copying someone else’s behaviour.

You mention the other child isn’t very mature but neither is your DS by the sounds of it if he’s copying bad behaviour! Nothing wrong with not being mature at 4 it’s just that you come across as a bit horrible about this little boy.

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minisoksmakehardwork · 04/10/2018 11:46

I am sure the teacher is aware of the situation. But maybe instead of going in complaining about how your son is picking up bad habits from another child, go in and ask how you can support/model to your child appropriate behaviours in the hope that a good influence might rub off the other way.

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 11:47

You think the the teacher hasn't noticed? Confused

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nuttyknitter · 04/10/2018 11:47

One of the most important things that children learn at school is how to take responsibility for their own behaviour and ignore the bad influences of others. I'm sure the teacher is well aware of the other child's behaviour. They will also have a good understanding of the reasons behind it and a range of strategies to help them improve.

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Nicknamesalltaken · 04/10/2018 11:51

Christ, listen to yourself! He’s FOUR! Just started Reception. Not fifteen and doing GCSEs.

Give the kid a break.

Why on earth should you be getting uptight about it? It’s school. They are FOUR.

This is where they learn how to handle their interactions and relationships with their peers. Leave them to it and leave it to the teacher.

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EdisonLightBulb · 04/10/2018 11:52

I was going to reply to this, but everything everyone else had said is exactly what I would say Grin so...

All of the above +1

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Feefeetrixabelle · 04/10/2018 11:53

Deal with your ds behaviour. If he is copying then get to the bottom of why. And support him accordingly

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Birdsgottafly · 04/10/2018 11:54

You need to watch the secret life of four year olds. They vary so much at that age. A lot, if not all, of their behaviour has no malice behind it.

As for being immature, that isn't something that the child can put right, or Parents for that matter.

You need to look at yourself if a child being 'young' for their age can wind you up. He might be the youngest in the class, though. Those Months make a big difference.

Concentrate on your own child.

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krustykittens · 04/10/2018 11:57

Kids copy all sorts of behaviours, it is how they learn. Just keep teaching him the behaviour you would like to see him have. As others have pointed out, he is only four! He is going to act up, make the wrong decisions and do stuff that annoys you and blaming other people for his behaviour is not a good way to handle things.

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Chocolateandcarbs · 04/10/2018 11:59

You have every right to talk to the teacher if your son is picking up behaviours that you believe are copied. The teacher can’t comment to you about any other child, but may be able to talk to you about techniques that are being taught to children in the class about how to make good choices, which you could start to use at home too. The teacher may also be able to put your mind at rest about levels of TA support and/or behavioural interventions that children in her class have access to, and reassure you about your child’s behaviour. I’d mention it, but focus entirely on your child.

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PorkFlute · 04/10/2018 11:59

There will always be children doing things they shouldn’t and you need to make it clear to your son that ‘copying’ isn’t an excuse for him misbehaving. He has his own mind and makes his own choices regardless of what others are doing.
When you have your own child’s behaviour in check then you can speak to the teacher if you are aware of any issues impacting your son. But you’ll need more to go on than ‘I think this boy may be disrupting my child’s education because he’s immature and seems the type’ to warrant a complaint.

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