To complain about another child in Reception class?

[SunnyHotSummersAreBest]

So, DS is in a small class and has been with his classmates through Nursery.
They're now in Reception together and all the kids are lovely apart from one who's behavior drives me insane.
It's a few things that wind me up...being cheeky and disrespectful to other parents and from what I've witnessed seems disruptive in class, generally very immature in behavior compared to the others and I worry that the others are being influenced and distracted by the bad behavior.
DS (obviously I'm biased.......) is such a good little boy......(most of the time) polite, tries really hard and loves to learn new things. But....he copies this other kid all the time and really lets himself down and makes me a bit
Do you think I should mention it to the teacher or AIBU given that it's such a small class....would it be difficult for the teacher to address?
Feel I need to do something and don't want to mention it to other parents at school in case they just think I'm being a bitch.....I'm really not but it's making me sooo uptight!

Your post makes you sound extremely unkind. Also, you are making all sorts of assumptions that you probably shouldn't be making.

Op you're moaning that a 4/5 yo is a immature and a bit cheeky.

4/5 years old.

Let that sink in.

Also reflect on your DS behaviour who by your standards is becoming just as bad :)

Agree with all the others that this is an ideal time to start teaching your son not to copy others behaviour etc. He will come across all sorts of behaviour amongst his peers, and therefore this is a valuable lesson to learn.

I just find it really sad that you state that all the other children are "lovely" apart from this one boy. Please please learn a valuable lesson here yourself - to separate the child and the behaviour.

Funny, came on here as a first time poster asking for a bit of advice from other Mums under 'AIBU' and got shot down in flames by so many. I wouldn't dream of talking to anyone like that. Shame.

Hi OP.
I see you’re new/recent name change. There was a thread deleted on here yesterday in a very similar vein. It was deleted I think because several posters on that thread, the OP included, became extremely vicious in their comments.
It would be a shame to see a repeat of that here.
If 98% of posters are saying the same thing, the best thing to do would be to take their advice.

It's funny how people who post these threads always insist they aren't 'One of those parents '

My nephew is one of the naughtiest children I've ever met, my sister always blames his school friend for being a bad influence, it is never my nephew's fault, if he wasn't in yr 3 I'd almost think you were the same person. Take responsibility for your child's behaviour.

Funny, came on here as a first time poster asking for a bit of advice from other Mums under 'AIBU' and got shot down in flames by so many. I wouldn't dream of talking to anyone like that. Shame.

You came onto AIBU and got told YABVU. Do you expect others to lie and say YANBU just because you're a mother? You have had very good advice on this thread and a reality check that your behaviour is more of an issue than a 4/5 year old child

Fine, then just say YABU and maybe offer some helpful advice - no need to make it so toxic

To be fair to you OP, I was probably much the same with my oldest.

You learn pretty quickly. I’m quite embarrassed by my, erm, over-enthusiastic parenting when I look back. Since DC1 was in Reception (13 years ago) I had more DCs, a whole lot more experience and with that a very different perspective. When someone comes up to moan about your kid, they’re kid will be doing the same thing 2 weeks later.

It’s not the fault of the other child. It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s how they learn.

You only see the other child in relation to the ‘bad behaviour’. You aren’t there to see him make space on the carpet, share a toy, pack away.

I know parents even now looking to blame other children as a ‘bad influence’ (and the stakes are higher in teenage years). In nearly all cases they are the instigator.

Best just to step back and adjust your rose tinted glasses. I mean that kindly.

It's a massive design flaw in the internet that there's no way to control the reaction people have to what you say.

Perhaps it's the way you phrased your post, OP.

There is some helpful advice here, lots of it. Children grow away from behaviours almost as fast as they get into them, and positive reinforcement is valuable. ALL humans can be 'silly' and immature (I'm damn fine at both, aged 47) yet we learn where that is misplaced or inappropriate over time. Just let them be young while they can, and recognise different development in all. Your DS will undoubtedly be fine.

I wouldn't dream of talking to anyone like that. Shame.

What has anyone said that is so bad? I don't think anyone has been any more critical of you than you have been of a small boy and you're an adult who asked for advice.

It seems a bit that you didn't like the advice given you so you're getting defensive. Understandable but I'd try to take on board what people are saying to you.

OP, I don't think many of us have shot you down in flames, or been "toxic" but have given our opinions and suggestions. In AIBU you will always get more forthright views, so you may wish to try other topics when you next post.

FWIW, I do believe it's vital to learn to separate the child from their behaviour. My DS is at an SN school, and inevitably there are a range of behavioural issues. Currently he is regularly being targeted by one of his classmates, who quite often hurts and upsets him. Of course this upsets me, but everyone is working together to reduce these behaviours, and the little boy concerned is absolutely lovely. I make a point of talking to him when I see him, as I don't want him or his parents to think I am holding the difficult behaviour against him/them. At the same time I am ensuring that it is being addressed to the best of everyone's ability.

Flip it around.
Here is an opportunity for your child to learn how to be cheeky (from this other kid) but without being annoying/disrespectful (from you and his teacher).

It's a life skill to know where the line is. Better he learn it at 4, than 13.

Yje teacher is with them 6 hours a day, s/he will be the r pert on this dynamic.
Focus on your dd, talk about likely consequences of actions, about what it feels like to copy this boy, and about strategies for when he wants to copy.

You have no idea what is going on in that little boys life. Your post, and I mean this nicely, comes across that your DS is a saint. That this little boy is awful. The teacher will be more aware of what is going on than you, and going to speak to the teacher about his behaviour won't achieve anything as she can't speak about the issues to you due to data protection. You can however focus on your son and curb his behaviour he's old enough to remember rules even if he needs reminding sometimes. You say you don't want to speak to the other parents invade u come across as a birch, and the bitching about a four year old would make u come across as one. Especially as other parents may be closer with the parents so may know what's going on more than you. Yes four year olds act up, but the level of disruption is either symptomatic of bigger problems, or he's learnt it at home. Neither which you can do anything about. So yes YWBU to complain about this child instead of looking to teach your own DS how to behave and not copy bad choices

Fine, then just say YABU and maybe offer some helpful advice - no need to make it so toxic

Er.. yes 1. You've been told YABU and 2. Given helpful advice. If you find this toxic, then you need to post elsewhere.

I absolutely hate any hint of the nonsense chitchat and gossip at the school gates - never had to witness it before this term and consequently I'm back in the car like a shot - just can't be doing with it.*

Yes, but you seem to be fond of the ol’ judgey pants there eh?

If you ask a question, OP, expect people to answer honestly.

I think it's good life advice in general. If you don't want an honest answer, then just don't say anything.

You've been given lots of helpful advice

Pretty much a unanimous YABU response. That's quite rare. Take it on board.

Fine, then just say YABU and maybe offer some helpful advice - no need to make it so toxic

I think you need to go away and have a little mediate on the old adage ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. You’re judging the school mothers, you’re judging this little boy whilst refusing to judge your own for behaving in the same way, yet you’re complaining now you’re being judged by other posters. Has it not occurred to you that it’s not very pleasant to be on the other end of your judgement either? You’ll probably find that’s pretty ‘toxic’ too.

As a mother of a "naughty" child who is also one of the eldest is in his class, I can assure you both the parents and teacher are already aware of it and working to find solutions; there is nothing you can say that will help the process or speed it up. The teacher and I are having constant meetings, trying different reward charts, ladders, stickers, emotion cards - everything we can.

I am sure the same will be happening to the mother of this little boy too. It's a very stressful experience when your child doesn't fit in, i already feel like an outcast and confused as to where i went wrong as my oldest is amazingly behaved- I hope it never happens to you.

If only life was like that! Sadly, disruptive pupils will be a feature of your son's school life until he leaves. You don't think it gets better at secondary school, do you? I'd focus on your child and maybe have a word with him about his copying behaviour (if it bothers you that much) and leave the other kid for his own parents and teacher to deal with.

Unfortunately OP I don’t believe AIBU was the best place to post as it can be very blunt as you’ve seen.

As it seems the vast majority are agreeing with each other the best thing to do would just be to accept the overall opinion and ignore the unnecessarily rude comments.

I hope things improve for you and your DS at school.

Do you actually know this child is older, or is he just bigger?

Expectations can be skewed by size at this age.

Not that anyone should have huge expectations of a 4yo.