To complain about another child in Reception class?

[SunnyHotSummersAreBest]

So, DS is in a small class and has been with his classmates through Nursery.
They're now in Reception together and all the kids are lovely apart from one who's behavior drives me insane.
It's a few things that wind me up...being cheeky and disrespectful to other parents and from what I've witnessed seems disruptive in class, generally very immature in behavior compared to the others and I worry that the others are being influenced and distracted by the bad behavior.
DS (obviously I'm biased.......) is such a good little boy......(most of the time) polite, tries really hard and loves to learn new things. But....he copies this other kid all the time and really lets himself down and makes me a bit
Do you think I should mention it to the teacher or AIBU given that it's such a small class....would it be difficult for the teacher to address?
Feel I need to do something and don't want to mention it to other parents at school in case they just think I'm being a bitch.....I'm really not but it's making me sooo uptight!

The teacher will already know what the other boys us like and cannot choose not to have him in the class. She will already be using strategies to improve his behaviour and doesn't need your input.

If this child is the worst in the class than count your lucky stars!

If his behaviour is immature it's probably because he is a little immature - kids develop at different rates and the younger ones in reception are 25% younger than the elder.

It's a little much to blame this other boy for your own DS's behaviour. Whether or not your DS in influenced by him his behaviour is his own responsibility - you can't expect to shield him from every child that isn't perfectly behaved. He has to learn how to behave regardless of what other kids are doing. They'll always be some kids doing the wrong thing he has to learn not to join in. In my experience Kids get excited and behave worse when they're in each other's company - they each spur each other on. It's easy for the parents to then go home and say "well he's not usually like this it must be this kid's bad influence".

If you go in and complain to the teacher that this boy is a bit young and immature you'll identify yourself as "that parent" very quickly in your son's first year of school!

And I would bare in mind that at the moment there are likely 2 children disrupting the class and one of them is your son.

Focus on your own child. I don't know how you would think you know more about what is going on during class than the teacher.

I'd be more worried that your DS would pick up on your behaviour than a 4 year old who doesn't yet know better. Wanting to single out a small developing child at such a young age is horrible from an adult and would be considered bullying if it was from other children.

And the only reason you don't say anything to other parents isn't because you think its wrong, it is because they will see you for what you really are. YABVU

It depends on the level of disruption and whether this is having an affect on the teaching of the rest of the class.

The school will have a code of conduct that all children must abide by. It is probably be on-line, or available from the school office. If you feel there is grounds for complaint with reference to this, raise your concern with the person specified (usually in first instance this is the class teacher). Stick to the facts, and remove any emotive language or opinions from your discussion.

Despite the negativity towards you above I don't think you are wrong to be concerned. Complaints where appropriate are a useful tool for the school in getting the help needed to provide the right support for all children.

I feel a bit sorry for you OP, you weren't expecting those responses! Although I have to add, I do agree with them. I am sure the teacher is aware and endeavouring to address it

It’s reception class, please remember that some of the children could be almost a year younger than some of the others and a year is almost quarter of their lives? Not all children are ready for school, not all will have attended nursery so a class setting could be a very new thing for them. Also remember that during your child’s school life they will come across students that are not so well behaved, you can’t assume that they are all going to be a bad influence on your child, teach your child not to do what others do.

I wouldn’t say a word to the teacher, I’m sure they are getting to know each of the children in their class and will pick up on those that need a bit more help or dicapline.

Of course he's immature...he's 4 (or 5). As someone else pointed out if that's the worst of it then you've got off lightly. Give him a chance, all kids are different and I'm sure your kid isn't an angel in class all the time so don't become one of "those"mothers who always blame their childs behaviour on someone else.

This is the start of having to let go of control I’m afraid. Your son will be socializing with kids, some of which are going to be disruptive. How do you think telling the teacher will help? It’s their job to manage but they can’t change personalities. You just have to reinforce good behaviour at home.

My child would definitely be in the disruptive side, being Sen. And other kids disrupt him by being rude and mean. If it crosses a line and I’d noticed visible distress in my child, I’d have a word about specific behaviours with the teacher. Otherwise, all you are doing is stirring up bad feeling and isolating the child who needs most help.

If you're being "driven insane" by a cheeky, immature 4 year old I think it's you that's the problem. No one gets to pick all of their children's class mates. At 4 they're still very young to even be in school of course there will be some disruption in the lessons. The teachers will be more than prepared to handle it without your input. In reception they're tiny - of course some will be less mature than others.

However much of an angel your DS is remember you won't be getting a full picture of what goes on in school. Kids are very quick to tell you how naught "X and Y" were at school today and will happen to forget the times they were playing up.

If your child is "copying" this boys behaviour (which in reality means your child is being naughty of his own accord) there might well be another parent at home of a child who is behaving well complaining that your child is "driving them insane" and wanting to have a word with the teacher about him.

I don't think there would be any harm in talking to the teacher from the perspective of "is my son easily led and how is he behaving/coping in class" and finding out if you need to speak to your son about how not to copy other people's behaviours. After all they are only 4 and you don't really know what is going on in the class or with this little boy.
I look at if from the point if it was my little boy that was the disruptive one, I would like support and help, not judgement.

sorry -you lost me when you described a 4 year old as being "very immature"

If your child is disrespectful and disruptive at home then you must sort out the rules and boundaries. If he is like this at school then has the teacher spoken with you? If so then work with the teacher to stop this behaviour. If the teacher has not spoken to you how do you know he is being like this, and for that matter how do you know what the other child is doing?

Teach you’re Son to be a leader not a follower. If you control this child via intervention what about the next one? You haven’t stipulated what he’s copying but that will progress to smoking, drinking, being a total dick 😂, one day in the not so distant future.
I have a really well behaved Son. There are of course, naughty kids in his class(yr 2). But he is not influenced by them (yet)
I realise this can become more difficult as groups get more pronounced in Senior School. I was actually in a group that I was influenced by and would probably have done better if I’d gone with another group. However in Reception they should be able to beat their own drum and walk their own path.
I hope my Son ends up a friend of everyone, influenced by no one but time will tell.
So in short, don’t blame the other kid.

Don't be THAT parent OP. Some decent advice from everyone on here.

Immature at 4 years old? Just starting in reception is a big jump from nursery. For all you know he could be one of the youngest in his class. You're not there all day, you don't look after him directly.
My son is the youngest in his class, granted he's not disrespectful or rude, but it's been brought up in teacher meetings that he can be loud and disruptive, trying to be the class clown; he is the youngest in his class though and the teacher is very aware of this. It explains his so called 'immaturity' compared to the other children, some who are a full year ahead. I would be horrified if another parent had the audacity to complain about my child's 'immature' behaviour unless he harmed their own (their child copying or being distracted doesn't count).

It's a pretty shitty attitude to have about a child, even shittier to consider complaining?! Concentrate on your own child's behaviour.

I think it's too early, schools only been in for a month. The teacher will be helping this child learn correct behaviours.

Also why would you complain? They will know and you will just be adding to a conversation that professionals are already having with not so helpful comments

I feel your pain but I am sure teacher is probably on the case. At this stage of the game it's a bit early to raise it as an issue but I'd keep an eye on it and have a word later in the year if things don't improve.

In my DD’s reception class there was a lovely and kind little boy who,for some reason, got labelled as ‘naughty Billy’ obvs not his name. I think they said he was always calling out, that was about the sum of it. They had obviously heard this from their own children when quizzing them.
It was nasty and gossiping parents who decided in the school playground that this was what he was going to be. This little lad was lively, a bit scruffy in appearance and from a different and rougher area to many of the parents in the village school. His parents were much older and he used to run rings round them. However he was a lovely, kind and intelligent child who had beautiful manners when he came to tea with us. This name stuck for the next three years until his parents in despair removed him to another school. There he thrived and went on to a Grammar school and then University. I last saw on Facebook he’d married and had a family.
Unless you know for an absolute fact that child has been violent to your child nothing else is your business. Please please don’t label a child at such a young age. Mud sticks and the pain it can cause parents is immense

Ohh do tell, I'm sure the teacher will be thrilled to have someone who isn't in the classroom tell her/him that one of the kids they spend all day with is being disruptive they won't have noticed.

Do you know what? I think the teacher may already have noticed this child and is dealing with it.....

Your job is your child not anyone else's.

I'm not sure what you even mean by complaining about the child. Complaining about what? His existence? If you think the teacher isn't managing his behaviour properly then you'd actually be complaining about the teacher. Of course if he's cheeky to you outside of school then you could tell him off - but it's not the teacher's responsibility. His behaviour inside school will have been noted and will be being dealt with by the teacher already.

If your child is easily led then obviously that's something you need to work on with your own child - I wouldn't go into school particularly for that reason but you could bring it up at the parent consultation. The focus would then be on your own child's bad behaviour and how it can be improved there would be no reference to the other child.

In general if you take the attitude that my son is as good as gold and whenever he misbehaves it's due to the bad influence of the naughty boy in the class you'll end up with much worse behaviour from your son than if you hold him responsible for his own actions.

@SunnyHotSummersAreBest sorry you're boy is misbehaving and you can't deal with it.

I'm sure the other mothers in the playground are now talking about the two naught, immature boys in reception. (Bloody immature 4 year olds!).

Look out for a post on here referring to them!

But yeah go into the teacher and tell her straight that your son whilst showing the same bad behaviour is no way to blame!

perhaps the dc has a disability - I don't think you need to talk to the teacher & please dont start talking about this kiddie to other parents - as others have said your dc will have to learn how to get on with less protected situations than he has been previously - if you say something to the teacher I am afraid she will start to think you are "one of those parents".

@SunnyHotSummersAreBest would you suggest the boy is expelled?

Honestly they've only been in nursery about four weeks! Poor little lad may be struggling to settle or anything! Just why would you expect all 4 year olds to be the same?