To think I didn’t need exe’s permission to introduce DD to myself new bf?

[RogelioMyBrogelio]

I’ve been seeing my new BF for 5 months now and last weekend introduced him to my 7yo DD.

OK i posted that too soon 😬 anyway ExP is kicking off because I didn’t ask his permission to introduce her. He has had 2 girlfriends since we split 5 years ago, he did ask my permission but I didn’t insist on it and didn’t see it as an agreement

You don't need permission but depending on the level of contact / involvement your ex has, it might have been courteous.

And obviously title should say “my new BF” not “myself new BF”. Fat fingers

I think informing your ex is the right thing to do so they don't find out from the children. Informing not asking.

I think you should have told him and I'm sorry but 5 months is no time, you don't know this person, he may be gone next month, why bother your children. I never understand why parents do this, give it a min of a year.

I think a heads up would have been nice. I imagine if the situation were reversed and he wanted to introduce DD to new GF then you would have wanted to be informed?

I think you should at least had the courtesy to let him know considering he had.

I agree with PP. Although you dont need his permission it would have been the courteous and sensible thing to do. Can you, hand on heart, say you wouldn't have had a problem with him introducing his girlfriend to your kids without letting you know first.
Wouldn't you want to be prepared in case they were upset or had questions.
You didn't need his permission, but you should have told him

No you dont need permission but it would have been polite to tell him

He has her usually EOW and when he can fit her in otherwise. He is a good father but I should be able to move in without getting ‘permission’. We don’t have a great relationship and basically do pick up, drop off and ‘need to know’ stuff.

I informed my DD's dad that i would like to introduce to BF and he was against it. I took his opinions into account and we compromised in waiting a little extra.. i then told him i was doing it... I personally think this is the right thing to do morally.

Did he treat me with the same respect no... told me if i wanted him to collect our daughter on a day that was not his regular day it would mean that she would have to met his GF... who i wasn't even aware of... i was pissed off he couldn't treat me with the same respect.

romany why a year? Its the old MN line that gets trotted out every time a woman asks how soon is too soon?
Personally I wouldn't have a new partner overnight too soon but there is nothing wrong with a casual introduction. If my partner hadn't taken to my kids and vice versa I would have ended it PDQ.
Blending families on the other hand I think waiting as long as possible is right for me
OP you don't need to ask permission.

@RomanyRoots How utterly ridiculous! A year?! That's just not logistically possible for some of us single parents!! We usually only have minimal childcare and cannot use what little free time we have, on spending time with boyfriend!

Open your mind love

You don't need permission, but was there some reason you didn't want to inform him?

gce it a min of a year

Makes me laugh how bizarre this site is at times.

You’re a single parent.
You’ve met a new man.
You’ve held off introducing him to your child/children
Near,y six months in you’re feeling more confident so you finally introduce him to the children.
You share this on MN and someone says “you should have waited a year”.

You are damned no matter what on this site.

OP yes maybe as a courtesy you could have let him know but there was no actual agreement. Just acknowledge that you didn’t consult him but also that you missed there being an agreement you would do this

After five months he’s no longer just a fly by night character and evidently you feel it was time for him to at least say hello to your children, five months is a good length of time to find out if he’s going to be a more permenant fixture or not,m

*move on. Not to drip feed but it’s been 5 years of hell with him, he’s been awful to me and rarely pays maintenance - I keep conversations in general to a minimum as it always ends in a nasty argument, and after 5 years I am truly exhausted

choli I didn’t purposefully not tell him, it never occurred to me I had to.

5 months is nothing OP. I hope you introduced him as a 'friend' not your new Boyfriend until much further along.

@RogelioMyBrogelio I'm totally with you OP, you did the right thing. You don't need to even mention it to him in my personal opinion. You are just as much a parent to your kids as he is! He will make decisions for himself and so will you!

Also at the pearl clutching at me introducing before one year. How ridiculous. I’ve known my BF since school, I work with his parents and I trust him. He has never stayed over, that won’t happen for some time, and i was sensitive when I approached it with DD. My ex introduced his new GFs after 2 weeks, I only ‘agreed’ to it to avoid arguments but I wasn’t especially thrilled nor was I furious (I knew they’d be gone before long, and DD wouldn’t grow attached - I was absolutely right).

AlphaBravo my DD is 7 she’s not stupid. Why should I introduce as a friend? She knows mummy has a boyfriend.

I didn't tell ex I had a new DP, let alone ask his permission ffs!

Then again he didn't mention he was seeing someone new. I found out via facebook (we were friends at the time) then days later the dc came home from her house. 6 weeks later they told me Daddy and A were engaged. The week after that they told me Daddy and A were having a baby.

You should have at least told him in advance. He did the same for you.... maybe permission was a clunky phrase - courtesy is the right one. It wouldn’t have been hard!

I think you should have told him, if he hadnt told you and just introdued your dd to his girlfriends can you honestly say you wouldnt be upset/annoyed?

I get that he hasn't been brilliant, but for co-parenting purposes it would probably be good practice to keep each other informed of developments that will affect your DD.