Maternity ward etiquette?

[greenfooted]

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

I've been in your situation 4 times. Unfortunately there's not much that can be done about it. In my hospital you weren't allowed to take the baby off the ward or walk round with them and there was no day room. You don't know their individual circumstances also.

The one I was on in theory banned partners being on the ward between 10pm and 8am but in practice no one was enforcing this so a lot stayed later or arrived earlier. Plus they were allowed to accompany partner down from labour ward so we’d get woman, wheelchair, baby, partner, midwife, loads of bags all arriving in the early hours and trying to get settled so lights on, noise etc. Then the partner would invariably end up staying half the night at least. And it isn’t great having a load of strange men hanging around when you’re at your most vulnerable, bleeding heavily and trying to establish breastfeeding. Mine couldn’t hang around (he left hospital whilst I was still on labour ward) as he’d have had trouble getting home otherwise (bus timetable).

I was on an entire ward of EMCS mums whose babies were in intensive/special care. We spent our days walking a fair distance from the Ward, sitting up in hard chairs for most of the day and expressing milk every 2 hours. It's all relative, but we would all have loved to have babies by our beds, screaming or not and have an idea of when we could go home.

After one day night on induction ward and then another day and night on Consultant led ward (can’t fault my care and support on those) I can say recovery ward was the worst experience ever.I discharged myself after one day on the ward most distressing place I have been I burst out crying I was so overwhelmed by it all. As soon as I got home I was a new person maternal instinct kicked in and wasn’t the emotional wreak that I was on recovery ward.

I am afraid YABU. You have not booked into a spa you have a brand new baby that is unpredictable. You state yourself the baby has stopped crying but you can’t as your baby is cluster feeding. Each baby has their own needs.
I would be thanking my lucky stars I didn’t have a screaming baby going home with me and that your baby is content to cluster feed to settle themselves.
I didn’t have more than an hour’s sleep per night when I stayed in hospital having both of mine. When I got home I slept when I could and did what I could the rest of the time and slowly we got there.
It is part and parcel of having a new born.
I personally feel sorry for the new mums who have the screaming babies to take home with them

@BackBoiler I may have been unlucky but the postnatal ward was far and away the worst part of my pregnancy and delivery. Enough to put me off trying again for several years! I had quite a difficult section- my uterus and cervix were torn and I lost a lot of blood- yet was expected to take care of a newborn and myself with just paracetamol. The ward policy was that mothers had to collect their own meals and I just couldn’t for the first few days, so if my husband wasn’t about I wouldn’t have been fed. And when I bled heavily on the floor I was told to clean it up myself!

One thing I hated in the post-natal ward was the fact that for some reason you had to have your curtains open during the day. It was so awkward trying to figure out breastfeeding after a ceaserean with an entire random extended family all gathered around the bed right across from me. Even just having the privacy of the curtain would have made the experience a lot less uncomfortable.

I was told it was to encourage all the inmates to bond and share experiences.

We bonded... over the fact we wanted our fucking curtains closed. They shunted me into a private room with DD2 to shut me up inciting other patients to grumble over the enforced curtain despotism.

THEY TOLD ME TO BOND! (Didn't say what over!)

Would you like the midwives to babysit the unsettled baby so you can sleep on a postnatal ward where crying babes are the norm? It's a pain but as you go home within 48hrs post CS you'll catch up. Unlike the parents of that baby!

@Rinceoir that is awful. Things werent perfect and threads like this highlight how great it actually is here!

YABU. Think how the mother of the screamer must feel. I had a screamer and I was so panicked worrying about him disturbing others. A woman next to me asked to be moved because my DS was crying so much. Nothing would placate him and I was an anxious exhausted mess.

@steakbake was open curtain about 2008?

Ps @greenfooted your op was at 3.06am 2 days post section YADNBU!

My open curtain was at the Lady Mary Ward in Addenbrookes Cambridge in 2017. I didn't think to question the policy because I assumed this was normal/there was a semi-legitimate reason. If I'm there when I have my next baby I might kick up more of a fuss. :P

With know it's the reality, Ministry. The point of what I said I saw that it shouldn't be. The level of maternity care described here is a disgrace.

The only way to be able to go get a shower was if your partner or someone came in to watch the baby. I'd been in hospital since the Monday in full labour, baby born on the wednesday and I was caring for a vulnerable newborn after major surgery without the opportunity to even wash my hands - they even left the epidural tube still in my spine but open and taped to my chest, so essentially an open tub directly into my spine. My first was wash was when DH came in and I walked down to the showers at the far end of the corridor. So not with it that I forgot to make my glasses or slippers off! They forgot to come round with the drugs trolley, never mind actual food. I lived off sandwiches brought in by DH and family.

Much later than that date

I do feel your pain. My baby was in the incubator next to a baby withdrawing from heroin for 12 weeks and that poor wee soul screamed day and night. There were times I had to leave my own baby cos I needed a break from it.
You'll be home soon, just try and focus on that x

The midwives were quick, polite and attentive with me and my baby - much better than I'd anticipated, but if we do rooming in, in a ward, it is difficult to get peace. My baby woke every 3ish hours, the midwives picked her up, gave me her bottle, and she went straight back each time. Opposite, was the only other person in the section part of the ward, and her baby was screaming all night whilst she tried to latch it on. It was frustrating, but it's one of those things, and if yours is the quiet one, than your lucky stars for it, and hope it stays that way. I got a private room the second night and got a block of about 7-8 hours (husband staying so could do feeds etc). It made the world of difference having the private room if you can.

I argued with a midwife over the curtains many times, you can't allow men to sleep over/stay there permanently and also insist that I keep my curtains open, my privacy should matter. They usually ignored me though so I was constantly on edge that it was going to get yanked open.

Those wards are the pits, such a horrible environment to recover in. I’ve had three c sections and the aftercare was awful each time, pain relief never came on time and had to be chased up, dirty bathrooms, food was awful(dry cream crackers and warm slices of cheese one day) and if you couldn’t move to get to the dining area then nobody bought you any food, you could press a buzzer for help but often nobody came.

I was so glad that when I had my third baby my husband was able to stay and help me. I was in a huge amount of pain from my c section and also had an infection. He had to accompany me to the shower and help me wash because there were no staff to help. I ended up begging to be discharged after a few days because I couldn’t handle being in there anymore, as soon as I got home I felt so much more relaxed and I was able to keep on top of my medication.

Sorry but I think yabu....

If you wanted to make sure you could sleep you should have gone private or paid for your own room.

And yes I know what it is like, I had to spend 5 days in hospital after having my littlen as I lost a lot of blood and was close to death. I had to share a floor with 5 others and there were 2 babies that basically took it in turn to scream and if it wasn't the babies it was one of the new mums instead, but instead of me moaning I concentrated on looking after myself and my new born baby and just slept when I could. And if it wasn't any of the babiea/mums waking me up it was the midwives waking me for my injections/tablets

Postnatal wards are vile places. I was finally discharged on day 4 when the MWs conceded that my BP was probably remaining too high because of being on the ward.

The staff ratio was 1:14. Unfortunately DS decided to arrive in the pre-Christmas rush. I'd ended up in HDU with complications following a 40 hour labour and EMCS. After 36 hours there, I was woken and dumped into post-natal to get an extra MW on the ward and abandoned to fend for myself. Due to SPD, I could barely stand and walk before the rigmarole of birth. I was grudingly given breakfast the next morning after complaining that I hadn't been able to stagger as far as the day room for weeks.

Night time was the worst. DS was on a 3 hour blood sugar and feeding regime so regularly woken . My milk hadn't come in. Pressing the buzzer was futile even if it didn't keep falling out of reach behind the bed. I struggled to sleep from the constant heat, light and TV screen over my head that I couldn't find how to turn off. One night another mum came and helped hold and rock DS and help feed him as I was in tears of desparation. Otherwise the nights were interminably long and so utterly lonely. I was so exhausted that at one point my strength gave out as I was trying to lower DS into the crib and I dropped him on his head.

The real problem is that maternity wards are too public and horrendously understaffed. I'd have dearly loved DH to be there for support, but that's because the MW support was absolutely minimal.

You are there for a very short time. There is no ‘etiquette’ when it comes to a maternity suite, it is what it is. We all muddle through the best we can. If you wanted privacy go to a private hospital. Wish you all the best.

When I had my baby, it wasn't the screaming babies that was my problem. There was a dad in my ward that thought the best way to quieten his screaming baby was by making prolonged "shhhh" sounds until he ran out of breath then start again. Luckily after about 30 mins of screaming baby/shushing daddy duet, his wife asked him to shut up. Lol

It was super irritating.

Anotherpidgey

Sending you hugs, I hope everything worked out okay in the end.