Maternity ward etiquette?

[greenfooted]

I suspect I am. On a maternity ward of four after c section two days ago. Baby opposite is a screamer. Has been doing so on and off all day . It's now 3 am. I have had no sleep. My baby wakes every time other baby screams. So is in my arms ( so I can't sleep). There are two of them with screaming baby. Aibu to think at some stage one of them should take it for a walk/ to the day room. I am on own as DH with our other kids so feeling pretty uncharitable and grumpy....even when DH was hear earlier this baby screamed through my earplugs...

I was stuck in hospital for 5 days after my sons birth. I barely slept the whole 5 nights. If it wasn’t my son it was someone else’s. Horrendous place to be stuck by yourself - tabby you are just tired

Gave birth to DS2 on Monday and had similar. The baby in the bay next to us was having trouble feeding and the poor mother (her third child) was at the end of her rope.

Her LO cried for three hours nonstop. I had similar with my first and there is help if you ask for it! The nursery nurses are more than happy to take your LO for a walk if your too Ill or even sit with them.

They offered this woman a ton of advice but she kept insisting she was fine. Wanted to scream "but the other four woman/babies trying to sleep aren't!"

I'm fully aware I am BU, but maternity wards are hot, loud and stressful. Fingers crossed you get to go home soon!

One thing I hated in the post-natal ward was the fact that for some reason you had to have your curtains open during the day. It was so awkward trying to figure out breastfeeding after a ceaserean with an entire random extended family all gathered around the bed right across from me. Even just having the privacy of the curtain would have made the experience a lot less uncomfortable.

Do you really? I didn't know that! Anyone know if that open curtain rule applies in all hospitals? And why it exists? Doesn't sound pleasant! :(

Mine are 18 and 17 and I stayed in two nights with 1st and one night with 2nd after CSections, the first was an emergency section after 36 hours labour so I suppose I was technically in hospital longer. There was no support on the ward, other babies were screaming so I checked myself out with reluctant permission and against advice as I had also been borderline for a blood transfusion. Anyway, I didn't regret it, much better of at home. 2nd one was a planned section and I had a 13 month baby at home so just wanted out. DS was born in the morning of the first day, I stayed overnight and went home the following evening with their blessing (staff were a lot nicer 2nd time around although the ward was actually falling to pieces about their ears).

The hospital I was in was closing down so I didn't have any curtain, ither round the bed or on the window! It helped at night for feeding though as I could see by the moonlight as I had no bulb in my light. The bed didn't adjust so I was left too low down and having to hoick an almost 10lb baby out a crib to feed and change him after a section. It was pretty grim, another reason I went home...

I was lucky to get a free private room with my baby after my section ( had dd at 11ish night before and got moved about 3pm) O was glad as next cubicle had started playing nursery rhymes to their baby on their phone

I think they aim to get you in one if they think you will be in for a while!

My first baby was born and did nothing else but drink and scream. I, like you was on a c section ward. The first night I couldn’t get out of bed so I fed him constantly, as soon as I put him down he’d scream. The midwives did take him away for a couple of hours. We could still hear him, the other mums said “hark at that...he’s not stopping”
The second night there was no offer of help. I spent half the night pacing the wards holding him. All the other babies slept. It was a nightmare. I begged to go home for the third night. As it was my first baby, they wanted me to stay in. But they let me go home. He still screamed but I felt at least he wasn’t disturbing other mums. He was such a screaming baby. He never seemed content. He’s 17 now and it seems a distant memory. But have some sympathy for the poor mum.

TomHardy you aren’t even given meals at your bed in postnatal wards now let alone cocoa. Nobody will take your baby off to nursery either! After a week on the postnatal ward I was completely broken not restored and am absolutely dreading going back to one in a few months for number 2 (which has to be an elcs).

Surreygirl it was definitely NOT a rule at my hospital thank god! I would hope it would be rare to enforce an open curtain rule these days but you never know. My hospitals strap line was all about dignity and privacy so would have taken the piss a bit to make you keep the cutlrtain open!

Dd slept a lot for the first 48 hours which i think is nature's way of letting you recover from the birth, but on a ward of six there was no way i was going to be able to use that time to catch up on sleep. Had to stay 3 nights and was getting seriously sleep deprived. Nightmare
For dd2 i offered to pay for a private room. They didn't have one available but i was put in a 2 person room for free which was fine

Poor you! The three days I spent in hospital after the birth of my first child were the most exhausting in my life - not because of my baby or even other babies. There were six new mums in one small area, separated by curtains. The constant family visits and chatter, even outside the official visiting times, and mobile phone conversations 24 hours a day. I thought I’d go mad - and I was supposed to rest and relax to facilitate breastfeeding.

I sometimes think that it was better in my mum’s times where no visits were allowed on the maternity ward - your loved ones could wave at you through a glass wall from noon till 1pm only every day. And no mobile phones obviously.

A bit harsh, but you and your baby have a lifetime to spend with your loved ones. In the days after childbirth you need as much peace and quiet as you can get.

Maternity wards should implement stricter rules, because at the moment there is no etiquette at all - I’m not sure that would help with crying babies, but the environment would be much calmer.

Also the ward of six was next to another ward of six and i could hear those babies too. Had dd2 at a different hospital which had rooms off a corridor and was much better quieter at night

The whole idea of a maternity ward sounds like a recipe for disaster. We paid for a private room and I'm very glad we did (not in UK). Was bliss.

I think Yabu, I had a c section and no way could I get up and walk around after just coz little one was crying, one night she screamed coz she had windows I was trying everything, then midwife come round and told me I should be up bouncing her and looked at me like I was absurd when I said I couldn’t do that with my swollen, tender post surgery tummy baring in mind this was only 12 hrs after! So just grin and bear it you will be home soon :) congrats :)

I think you should by happy and count yourself lucky to be with your baby, whatever the circumstances. I was in a single room on the ward as babies and I were transferred to another hospital after my section at 28 weeks. My babies were in NICU in incubators with a thousand wires attached to them. I lay there in my bed, listening to the other babies cry, watching the mothers walk around with their little ones, and my arms ached and my heart broke that I couldn't hold my own babies. It was heartbreaking. I'd lie there with my heart aching and my breasts aching every time a baby cried.

Quite honestly - I would rather go through what you're going through right now than being so helpless and not even knowing if my babies were going to survive the night, and being unable to hold or cuddle them, or even being able to visit them in NICU unless a nurse was available to push me down a very long passage in a wheelchair.

be happy, not by happy!

I don't get this entitled "must have my partner with me" attitude of today. Do they go to work with you too, and hold your hands crossing the road

I don't agree with partners on postnatal wards overnight either but I think you're being a bit harsh. You've said yourself that when you had your DC 20 years ago the wards were peaceful, babies taken to the nursery to let you rest and the midwives had time on their hands to make you hot cocoa. Things have changed. A lot. The wards are short staffed, crowded and generally very unpleasant. I don't think it's a sense of entitlement that drives women to request their partners be allowed to stay. More the fear that they will be left alone with a new baby that they are too unwell/immobile to care for after a difficult delivery or CS.

Personally, yabu. I had my twins via an emergency c-section and both of them were screamers. I'm a single parent so I had no help, it was just me. I couldn't exactly get up an take them elsewhere. I'm sure it was awful for everyone else but it was even less of a picnic for me.

It's a matter of opinion how much use a new father who doesn't know what he's doing would be. Surely the answer is to have more midwives and health care assistants to provide expert support.

If I went into hospital to have major surgery I'd expect clinical staff to care for me properly, not have my husband sleeping on the floor to cover the shortfall. This is supposed to be a first world country.

@rinceoir is it really that bad where you are? Our hospitals are so good! I got a sandwich fruit biscuits and tea whilst having an iron infusion because it spanned over lunch! Main and pudding on maternity ward. Ticked a choice of three! Id gou had a special diet being allergies, religious or vegan/vegetarian etc! Plus formula is provided on ward too!

YANBU - and please, complain to the hospital if you have the energy (I went via PALS as maternity ignored my complaint). They measure complaints and what is complained about and it’s the only way to get things changed. It’s barbaric that women are expected to look after newborns without help and without even having the option of putting them in nursery for the night so they can rest. The NHS wards were designed for babies being in a nursery, rooming in with the baby only works if you have your own room and there are plenty of staff around to help you.

I had three nights on postnatal three years ago (after one night on antenatal and one night on labour ward) and it was like being in hell. Babies screaming, baby’s siblings playing Frozen at full volume on tablets, massive extended families visiting for hours at a time. I was desperate to get my baby in a nursery so I could have a break but, apart from 45 mins in NICU after her birth when she had to have an IV line put in, that was the only break I got from her. The staff refused to look after babies so even going to the loo or having a shower were difficult (DH could only visit for 2 hours a day because of the limitations of the bus timetable).

Im a greedy twat....always about the food! They let me eat someone elses dahl because they had gone into labour 😂

After my 2nd c section my baby was a screamer if not attached to boob & would not settle in the crib. I could not stay awake to hold her. No one could sleep if I couldn’t hold her. I’d had a complicated c section & struggled to walk 4months after & was on morphine etc. I couldnt get up n walk her round. On the 3rd night staff spared a couple of hours to help. They were incredibly busy. But I could not keep eyes open & was a danger to my baby. I feel for the other woman, she must be knackered & feeling awful to be waking everyone else’s babies up.

If I went into hospital to have major surgery I'd expect clinical staff to care for me properly, not have my husband sleeping on the floor to cover the shortfall

I don't think anyone is saying partners should be providing care but unfortunately that's the reality in many areas.