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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder where some people get their money from

221 replies

todaysname18 · 01/10/2018 10:57

NC in case she's on MN

Dh and I are 36, decent education level and good jobs, but we don't earn a fortune. Live in se so quite expensive area and own a little 2 bed house. I thought we were fairly average. But we have some friends, they're only 30 so a few years younger than us and I just don't understand how they have so much money. When I ask her what her dh does she just says he "works in IT" which doesn't sound particularly highly-paid but

  • She's not going back to work after mat leave (genuinely no idea how anyone can afford to be a sahm nowadays)
  • They live in this absolutely massive 6 bedroom house, not rented
  • She drives a Mercedes, not brand new but only a few years old
  • They go out to dinner at least twice a week and are always doing day trips at weekends which involve expensive meals and entry to various places, the sort of costs that quickly add up
  • I don't know where her clothes are from but they certainly look expensive
  • Her ds, 6 months, has SO many clothes it's unreal, I see them 3-4 times a week and I rarely see him in the same outfit twice and lots are fairly expensive brands, I've definitely seen him in a Ralph Lauren polo!
  • She just bought a designer handbag...whilst on maternity pay! Who has that sort of money?

I know people will say it sounds like I'm jealous, I absolutely am! But I also just don't understand how they have this sort of money?! Do 30 year old couples regularly own million pound homes?!

OP posts:
AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 02/10/2018 11:48

@AssignedNorthernAtBirth I agree with you, however the problem most of the time is people tend to assume if you have some money (especially if you are young) and get to luckily live a comfortable lifestyle then you must be doing something dodgy.

Yeah of course. This is why I think threads like this can be helpful though. If nothing else, OP has learned that 'in IT' can mean just about anything from 20k to 2 million!

NonaGrey · 02/10/2018 12:16

I'm astounded at some of the salaries here...some of you would consider yourselves in the gutter if you had what we're managing on!!

Zena no I absolutely wouldn’t.

I earn a very good salary now but I didn’t start out on a high salary.

I’ve had years of penny pinching and lying awake worrying about bills in the past. I haven’t forgotten how that feels.

I’m always aware that you never know what’s round the corner and that it could all easily go horribly wrong.

If we lost everything and went back to the sort of lifestyle we lived before I wouldn’t consider myself “in the gutter” and I don’t think about other people that way.

My family is the most important thing to me too.

Snog · 02/10/2018 12:29

I think this thread is quite useful because there is a huge lack of knowledge for many of us as to how to do well financially in life and what kind of decisions to make to achieve this aim.

Snog · 02/10/2018 12:31

I believe that if there was more transparency there would be fewer young girls who aspire to be WAGs.

Iloveonions · 02/10/2018 13:04

The gutter comment I think is not a poke at how lower earners are deemed but meaning the higher earners would possibly consider themselves right there at their lowest point financially if they were scraping by month by month. Also it's not all about creating your rich life with the correct education therefore leading to a well paid job as the opposite can happen where you fund yourself at your lowest point financially after being up there earning a great amount with no debts through relationship breakups or health issues. You then truly realise what you considered a 'normal' comfy lifestyle was extravagant in comparison and that you could've lived more frugally. I consider buying a magazine a treat for example where others it's an obvious necessity without a second thought...

Oblomov18 · 02/10/2018 13:10

I'm Finding this thread very helpful as careers advice for ds1!! Grin

Openup41 · 02/10/2018 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Xenia · 02/10/2018 13:28

I thiknk it is good people get the knowledge too so thanks to everyone on the thread.
I provided the only answer of course - how to find out what they do earn or at least try and was called stalkerish. At least once a week o do exactly what I suggested because I am required to for various bits of work which can involve elements of investigating and it is perfectly lawful given the appalling decision of the government in about 1995 to make the property register public information. i dont' support their decision and I think they should return it to anonymity - why should anyone know who owns what property and what they paid? Yet that is the law it is public and open just as Companies House register id optn and you can also check the VAT number of someone which is often on their website on the EU vat register which gets you back to the individual or company name. The other check is the information commissioner's office if they are registered for data protection purposes and lots other things too. Never however break the law in doing it and if in doubt take the usual advice - ask a solicitor.

Many of us who earn a fair bit would never think it was in the gutter to earn just about nothing. My family originally were miners. One relative was down the pit at 10 in the 1800s. I know perfectly well how littlem oney people have. It's one reason at 14 I cycled to the library to borrow a book on "what people earn" and did various things to ensure I was in a job with a high salary (and worked until I went into labour, used 2 weeks holiday for the babies and then went back full time - not choices everyone wants to or needs to make of course).

batshite1 · 02/10/2018 13:32

Actually taking of drug dealers, I have friends in the met & a lot of people are living the life of riley due to crime.

I do kinda see where the op is coming from, if I saw a neighbour with a brand new car & 3 kids in prep I would think they were wealthy. Our income is close to 6 figures & Im still pt & we couldn’t afford private school unless we had one child & made big sacrifices or sold up & moved out of London.
Interestingly I believe that 1/3 of kids in private schools are on some kind of bursery with discounts given for those who earn up to 120k

Firstbornunicorn · 02/10/2018 13:35

This may have already been suggested, but since she's a bit cagey about telling you what he actually does, could he possibly work in intelligence or similar?

My husband had a job we weren't supposed to tell people about once (unfortunately, this is not uncommon in NI) and we just said he worked in a morgue. It was technically true and stopped any further questions.

He no longer works in that job, for any paramilitary types reading 🙄

LakieLady · 02/10/2018 13:53

An old friend from school days who happens to be a local estate agent once told me when I was musing about how seemingly ordinary people afford that big house, massive renovations, private schools, nice cars, expensive holidays lifestyle that very very often it was all on credit...

Colleagues used to speculate about how well-off my mate, who was also a colleague, must be. They lived in a beautiful large, listed house, in a great area, both kids went to private school, always had nice clothes, new or newish cars, fantastic holidays, expensive nights out/weekends away etc.

They were actually really struggling. Her husband earned good money, but he was funding most of their lifestyle from credit cards and by spending all the takings from shops he owned, plus his salary, and he'd remortgaged the house.

He hid all this from her, until one day none of her cards worked. They'd all been cancelled. They had to go and get heating oil in jerry cans, because the oil suppliers wouldn't let them have credit. They went bankrupt eventuallly.

She doesn't take his word for anything financial now and checks all statements and everything.

DreamingofSunshine · 02/10/2018 14:06

I'd describe my DH's job in a similar way, because it's not relevant or interesting to a friend/acquaintance of mine.

DS had a Ralph Lauren polo shirt that was £2 in the charity shop, I'm really good at finding brands in charity shops or jumble sales. Your friend could be the same.

BoomTish · 02/10/2018 17:11

You have to choose how you spend your own money and see your richness through non financial things

Money and happiness are not mutually exclusive. You can be very happy (and “blessed” 🙄 ), and also happen to have a large house.

glintandglide · 02/10/2018 17:28

Sorry but I am LOLing at the comparison of a Ralph Lauren polo shirt from a charity shop with a 6 bedroom house and brand new car Grin

LuckyLondon · 15/10/2018 22:26

IT pays well depending on the sector and company and if you are permanent or freelance.

My partner is a SAHM for 7 years plus and I freelance at 750 a day. When she worked she was on circa 55k but could easily have freelanced at 500 per day. When she stopped working it was possible to absorb the drop (though I would have preferred she worked more for her own intellectual stimulation and an example for the kids) however it was a lifelong ambition of hers to bring up the kids as long as possible without childcare which I was happy to support. She will go back once youngest starts reception next year but is unlikely to earn the same again for a long time if at all.

LuckyLondon · 15/10/2018 22:32

Sorry to add. No debt apart from mortgage approx 18 years left with below 200k on a 900K property and 3k between us on credit cards (usual car and home insurance spend but normally gets cleared in 2 months). We managed this without any financial assistance from our parents or anyone else and I also don't have a degree (dropped out final year to look after a terminally ill parent and never went back)

WatsonCat · 16/10/2018 00:13

I know a couple who seem to have endless money and I have no idea where it all comes from. She's mid twenties, he's early thirties and they have two children, both of whom are always decked out in designer gear, as are the couple themselves. They have a massive house complete with swimming pool and gym, multiple long haul holidays per year and two Mercedes cars. The woman has hair extensions at £500 a set, nails done all the time, multiple pairs of Louboutins and multiple designer handbags (she posts about these things on FB).

He does a trade which, although not poorly paid is not on the hundreds of thousands a year territory either. She doesn't work as such and just goes from one small 'mumpreneur' venture to another.

I have no idea how they do it! Neither are from wealthy families at all, so I don't think there is any family money involved.

BestZebbie · 16/10/2018 00:15

I suspect some of the nice consumer goods are second hand - she may be EBay sniping at 2am. :-)

Mamabear12 · 16/10/2018 10:08

If he works in IT sales he could be earning 300k a year or more. I know someone who made 1 million in one year doing IT sales. So yes, it’s possible to make loads of you are lucky, smart and have a good job! But yea, it’s unbelievable how some people can earn so much. Part of it is luck. Obviously they are smart and hard working, but it’s also luck. Landing the right job etc. And inheritance helps to own a million pound house.

EssentialHummus · 16/10/2018 10:40

Not sure if it's been mentioned - I've read only the first and last few pages - but if you Google her DH's full name his job title / LinkedIn profile may come up, which may clarify what he does more exactingly. That's probably all you need to solve the mystery.

FWIW I'm another with a DH who says "I'm a programmer" but leaves out a few crucial bits of info that would shed light on earnings etc.

EssentialHummus · 16/10/2018 10:42

(And miniHummus is dressed head to toe in baby Cos sometimes, because my bloody mother can't stop herself... things like baby clothes are a poor indicator.)

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