To wonder where some people get their money from

[todaysname18]

NC in case she's on MN

Dh and I are 36, decent education level and good jobs, but we don't earn a fortune. Live in se so quite expensive area and own a little 2 bed house. I thought we were fairly average. But we have some friends, they're only 30 so a few years younger than us and I just don't understand how they have so much money. When I ask her what her dh does she just says he "works in IT" which doesn't sound particularly highly-paid but

• She's not going back to work after mat leave (genuinely no idea how anyone can afford to be a sahm nowadays)
• They live in this absolutely massive 6 bedroom house, not rented
• She drives a Mercedes, not brand new but only a few years old
• They go out to dinner at least twice a week and are always doing day trips at weekends which involve expensive meals and entry to various places, the sort of costs that quickly add up
• I don't know where her clothes are from but they certainly look expensive
• Her ds, 6 months, has SO many clothes it's unreal, I see them 3-4 times a week and I rarely see him in the same outfit twice and lots are fairly expensive brands, I've definitely seen him in a Ralph Lauren polo!
• She just bought a designer handbag...whilst on maternity pay! Who has that sort of money?

I know people will say it sounds like I'm jealous, I absolutely am! But I also just don't understand how they have this sort of money?! Do 30 year old couples regularly own million pound homes?!

Posted too soon! Just meant to say that losing parents young often doesn't mean inheriting much. Losing parents young just sucks and I really don't think any amount of money could've compensated for it - shit part of life really.

I lost my Father when I was 20 and had some inheritance but I'd far rather have my lovely Dad

IT is so wide- i have friends on 150k plus in not so senior positions. I don't understand why you care so much?

Weird how so many people have misread the OP and thought it said "please feel free
to share about what a high earner your DH or another man you know is, aka achievements that are not your own, in an irritating falsely modest tone"

pigeondujour she asked how people afford certain things and people have told her. For example, she said she couldn’t understand how people could afford to be a SAHM in this day and age, and people said they can afford it because their partner earns a lot. Nothing to do with achievements, or modesty (what DH earns is nothing to do with anything I’ve done), it’s just fact. That’s how I afford to be a SAHM, coupled with the fact that I was also a high earner pre children and managed to save a couple of years living expenses.

I tend to assume inheritance. I know two families who have lovely lifestyles but don't appear to be well educated or organised enough to earn mega bucks

Or credit cards. I know someone who is terrifyingly blase about thousands of credit card debt. Scares the willies out of me 🤮.

Here’s an achievement that’s my own Pigeondujour. I work in a digital field, most of my friends mistakenly might say I work in IT, and I’m pretty well paid even by mumsnet standards. I could be extremely well paid (£150k+) if I went for some of the jobs I know I’m qualified for that I regularly see advertised or get sent. IT, digital etc. are very well and increasingly well remunerated areas to work in.

I’d say “works in IT” is the dead give away. I know someone who works as a partner for a top blue chip company. Their job is IT projects. They earn an absolute packet and live in a £3 million house in one of the most expensive areas of the country

I posted this in response to a similar query last year.

It's got to be one of five broad categories.

(1) They earn vastly more than you think (dishonest about cash-in-hand work, or simply a bit cagey about actual, genuine salary?). Probably unusual, and surely difficult to hide, and may not last.

(2) They are extremely frugal. Very difficult - and anyway lots of people are, and are still skint. There's a limit to how far you can "cut back" and yet still have expensive cars, clothes and holidays. Savings on value tins of tomatoes aren't going to pay for all that.

(3) They have a tidy amount put away in savings over the years. Possible, but again won't last for ever.

(4) They buy far more on credit than you are aware of. Quite likely, but will eventually come round to bite them.

(5) They have some hitherto undisclosed source of income - bank of Mum & Dad (especially for holidays), inheritance from grandparents or great-aunt, secret lottery win. Likely, and again not a bottomless pit.

My feeling is that it's almost always far more likely to be (4) and/or (5) than any of the others. They're the options which people are least likely to own up about, and indeed they may wish to give the false impression - either by implying it or saying so directly - that it's a bit of (1) and a bit of (2), because that feels more "earned".

Ask yourself - if it was you with option (5), would you keep it quiet? I know I would.

I agree that it is extraordinarily frustrating when you don't know, because then you start to suspect nefariousness. But you can understand why they would not want to let on about (5) especially, because they might imagine it could create bad feeling or awkwardness if known about.

Or (6), she sells her body, and/or her pants on the Internet.

Mind your own business

DadOnIce why would what you earn be difficult to hide, unless someone has access to your bank statements or payslips? When I was a fairly high earner no one except DH knew what I earned, no one else had any need to know.

I suppose I was thinking about jobs where people know roughly what 'level' you are, like teaching, NHS and police, and can refer to something. Private sector salaries are a mystery to me.

The way she says it is so dismissive "oh, he just works in IT, nothing exciting

Yes but if her DH is on a lot of money what do you expect her to say - "DH is head of his department and earns £250k plus a mahoosive bonus, don't you know"? Then you'd be posting about how she's a showy-offy cow and you don't like that either.

While I like your classifications dad I don't see why number 1 is so unlikely. If people earn a lot of money they aren't necessarily going to tell you about it. Who discusses their salary?

I'm talking about legal high earners btw.

When I ask her what her dh does she just says he "works in IT" which doesn't sound particularly highly-paid

DH works in IT it's highly paid. I don't understand the geek, so when people ask I just say he's a geek. BTW that's not derogatory, he and his colleagues all call themselves geeks.

Can always google her husbands name? Might be able to find a linkedin account then you’ll know for sure what his job role is

IT is a well paying job depending on your role within the company.

Name changed as don't want linked to other things I've posted but I can easily see how they can afford all the things mentioned in the OP and it sounds very similar to my life.

I live in the south east in a pretty expensive area, own a 4 bed house, drive a new-ish Audi 4x4 type car (bought outright and not on finance), have multiple holidays or trips away and will not be going back to work after mat leave. Oh and I'm early 30s, as is my DH.

My DH has a job in IT. People who do his job earn anywhere between £100k and £200k per year depending on their experience and how good/technical they are. That plus learning how to invest money fairly wisely can lead to being quite comfortably off.

Though it sounds it, this isn't a brag post (No point in bragging when I've changed my name!), I'm just pointing out how it is possible when someone works in what could be seen as a boring IT job.

He works in IT...not unusual to get back a lot of money of this. Also, he could be trading shares, inheritance...who knows and who cares! Just concentrate on your own lot.

Life is unfair. Suck it up!

I’m laughing at ‘works in IT’ and you think they can’t be well paid. My husband employs 28 year old developers on 80k, the banks are poaching some of them for £120k (London). There aren’t anything like enough of them and they can charge a premium, some contractors are on £500-£700 a day. If you want to earn a lot of money work in IT

I get annoyed by these threads, precisely because I feel like people are always raising eyebrows and asking bloody nosy questions about our income. I’m not in debt and I don’t withdraw from the bank of mum and dad, the overreaching questions from people I don’t know very well are so rude! Is your car on finance? Err, why? Oh yah, so do you guys have a mortgage? This casual intrusion gets on my nerves! My closest friends and family are the only people who know the ins and outs of our jobs, and I tend to give vague generalisations to school mums etc as I know they’re all bloody obsessed with everyone else’s earnings. I just vaguely mention the industry but refuse to give further details. Ditto the other way around, the casual mentions of their husband’s exact role, or just throwing into coffee chat something about the price of their holiday. People are obsessed, rather pointlessly really. There are so many factors in income and lifestyle, there’s no point comparing, and I can’t get excited about someone’s husband being ‘casually’ called a “super high earner”. Meh, to all of it.

I see the interest and no harm as you aren't speculating to them or outing them for others to speculate over. Just a bit of harmless fun in this forum that some attribute to jealousy or other.
I know someone who works in IT as they describe it. What they don't say is he is one of 4 owners of the company and they recently sold it for a mid-8 figure sum. I know another someone who wondered what they were doing wrong as they never seemed to have all the fancy cars, clothes or entertainments that their friends and neighbours did but when they retired they had a life of leisure as they had no debt and plenty of savings and all their friends and neighbours wanted to know how they managed it! Speculate away and maybe some good ideas will come to you.

I drive half the length of the country regularly and am perplexed at the amount of 2018 plated Range Rovers on the road. Some RR's are £80k, and imo, they are common as muck. Who has that money for a blooming car? Boggles my brain.

My ex-husband ‘works in IT’ it was how I always described it because it was always too confusing/boring to explain his actual job description.
Same goes for my now husband ‘he has his own business’ is a lot simpler to say than what he actually does.
They are both very broad terms and could mean anything!