To wonder where some people get their money from

[todaysname18]

NC in case she's on MN

Dh and I are 36, decent education level and good jobs, but we don't earn a fortune. Live in se so quite expensive area and own a little 2 bed house. I thought we were fairly average. But we have some friends, they're only 30 so a few years younger than us and I just don't understand how they have so much money. When I ask her what her dh does she just says he "works in IT" which doesn't sound particularly highly-paid but

• She's not going back to work after mat leave (genuinely no idea how anyone can afford to be a sahm nowadays)
• They live in this absolutely massive 6 bedroom house, not rented
• She drives a Mercedes, not brand new but only a few years old
• They go out to dinner at least twice a week and are always doing day trips at weekends which involve expensive meals and entry to various places, the sort of costs that quickly add up
• I don't know where her clothes are from but they certainly look expensive
• Her ds, 6 months, has SO many clothes it's unreal, I see them 3-4 times a week and I rarely see him in the same outfit twice and lots are fairly expensive brands, I've definitely seen him in a Ralph Lauren polo!
• She just bought a designer handbag...whilst on maternity pay! Who has that sort of money?

I know people will say it sounds like I'm jealous, I absolutely am! But I also just don't understand how they have this sort of money?! Do 30 year old couples regularly own million pound homes?!

I also always answer "I'm not sure" when my friends ask how much he earns, which they often do

Wow, I can’t believe people ask outright! How gauche, as my grandmother would say!

I'd also guess that at their age, it's probably not an interest only mortgage if they own it. Those have become a lot more difficult to get in recent years.

It’s an MN trope Kaytee

Anyone in a nice house with a nice car must either have lots of debt or be funded by their parents.

Similarly any slim, nicely dressed, cheerful woman with well behaved children must be secretly miserable and hating her life.

We have friends in a similar position. Six bedroom house, nice holidays, SAHM etc. Husband works ‘in logistics’.

This is a family we know very well and have known for a long time. We know that they took out a £75,000 mortgage when they bought the house for £675,000. The rest was paid for by the equity on their previous house and was then ‘topped up’ by her parents (who are very wealthy).

Anyone who didn’t know them very well might well have wondered how they could have afforded the house. On his salary of about £55,000 (just a guess based on his moaning about losing some of his child benefit), a mortgage of £75,000 and no childcare costs would leave quite a decent disposable income.

Inheritance (grandparent?) to buy the house out right.
DP in IT could be on £60k easily if he's good.
Makes it 5-6k disposable a month if they don't pay mortgage

@SoyDora

Allllll the time! It's quite common for my friends to openly discuss salaries (theirs and their partners), mortgages, credit cards etc. My boyfriend wants to buy a new car soon, outright, and I'm dreading them seeing it and asking me if it's on finance, I might lie and say it is .

My husband will tell you he works in Finance, and I’ll say I work in an office. He’s a hedge funder, and I earn 6 figures in a very specialist business area.

I’m sure nosey acquaintances speculate and assume our expensive home and cars mean we’re in debt, but we’re not.

Anyone who bothers searching Lands Registry and Companies House to find out about someone else’s financial status comes across a a bit stalkerish to me.

If you are really interested in them you can do the following - pay £3 to do a Land Registry search on their house which will tell you if they own it, whose name it is in and if there is one or more more mortgages on it. Secondly go on Companies House website and search for the husband. if he is a director of a company it may tell you the highest paid director's pay in some bigger companies and at the least will perhaps show you if he is a shareholder, a director and what the accounts show eg he and his wife may have a personal service company and you could look that one up. Then go on google and look at what they paid for their house and when they bought it.

What the fuck? Do you not have anything better to do? Or think the OP doesn't have anything better to do? What a weirdo.

Of course it's normal. The lifestyle they gave. It's not that extreme. I don't have it, but many do.
IT is a very broad area. He could be taking home £10k per month, for all we know!!

Tesco bank were fined 16 million for their security breach in 2016. I would imagine IT security experts can name their price for these big banks, even fb gets hacked.

To be honest a lot of mine and DH’s university friends have a similar lifestyle. Most have at least one member of the couple of a 6 figure salary (law, finance, IT...). More than half have a SAHP. Most (not us as we moved around a lot, including abroad) bought properties when not long out of uni and benefited from rising prices. They’re all in their early 30’s.

YANBU to wonder how they can afford the way they live

I'm just totally nosey and wonder about this kind of thing amongst friends & acquaintances.

Like yourself, me & DH work FT, have 2 young children, currently renting a modest 2 bed in SE London (hoping to buy in the next 12 months or so)

My mind does wander and I am intrigued how others can afford a certain lifestyle with seemingly standard/run of the mill jobs and incomes

I genuinely thought you were talking about me when I was reading your post until I saw the car make and the DC's ages.
My DH 'works in IT' he is self employed and runs his own company, he charges up to £200 an hour depending on the client. It can pay very well but it also takes up a lot of 'family time'
My neighbour was so concerned how we afforded to buy our home she asked me outright what does your husband do, he's home a lot (he works from home most of the time). Sometimes people just need to be concerned with their own lives and not assume people are dealing drugs in order to afford their lifestyle.

Agree, Lulu- I always feel that if people spent more time worrying about their own lives , they would be better off.

I rather like this kind of discussion actually, I think more awareness of what people earn and the impact family money can sometimes have is no bad thing. That's not to say you've no right to be offended by eg the drug dealing stuff!

@AssignedNorthernAtBirth I agree with you, however the problem most of the time is people tend to assume if you have some money (especially if you are young) and get to luckily live a comfortable lifestyle then you must be doing something dodgy. When my neighbour questioned me I could tell she was very suspicious. I wanted to reply 'well he's a big drug dealer in the area, haven't you heard of him?' I had to stop my self and say 'he works in IT'.

Just to add- here in SE London I think if you bought property at least 5-10 years ago that has made a huge difference for some people.

I know a couple in their late 30s- both owned properties in zone 1 that were purchased in their 20s (both with family help)- when they came to sell years later they made an absolute killing with house price inflation etc

So they live in a beautiful 5 bedroom detached house in zone 5- think bought around 5 years ago- they have a very small mortgage thanks to cashing in both their properties & both work in average paid jobs.

The wife is v honest and aware of how lucky they've been- she freely admits they wouldn't have a chance in hell of affording to buy their home now/without having both sold.

So they have lots of disposable income which goes towards fabulous holidays and expensive clotthes etc

It's made me chuckle about the posts regarding people drug dealing to finance their homes/lifestyles

That's something that's not crossed my mind (I'm very naive I think!)

Also, I've never assumed someone is in debt/spending on credit cards- but its probably more frequent than I think

I have a mate like this. She’s a single mum and obviously really comfortable, beautiful house and fancy sports car, etc. We had a slightly drunk conversation once and she explained that she had a small amount of equity in the company that she works for and when it was sold she made a fuckton of money. She said it was the luckiest moment of her life and meant that she and the kids were financially safe. Those were her exact words “financially safe”. Lots of money means different things to different people.

Jesus you are overinvested aren't you.

Fwiw IT can be very lucrative

They may have got the house off the market cheap or are very good at managing their money. They could have debt and loans etc. The comment about you don't understand how people can afford NOT to return to work after mat leave , usually depends on if its financially worthwhile. It wasnt for me. We were actually better off on the state mat leave payments than my work paid. Someone's richness is poverty to someone else. I feel rich knowing I pay all my bills and jeep a roof over my family's heads and my children are healthy. not how many holidays or meals out a friend is having.

I'm astounded at some of the salaries here...some of you would consider yourselves in the gutter if you had what we're managing on!! You have to choose how you spend your own money and see your richness through non financial things as another op just said. I am blessed to be a mum. Simple things are the best