AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

I worked with 3 children even though the childcare bill was the same as my take home pay for several years. I did it to keep up my career and pay into my pension. Stepping out of the workplace can often have a long term impact.

I appreciate that if you started having kids young without developing a career then you may feel its not worth working - I guess a lot of that comes down to choices about when to have kids/ age gaps and so on.

Having said that, once a child is in school, costs drop significantly because you’re getting a big chunk of the day ‘free’ and also there are free hours from 3 years up.

Having children inevitably is a big cost unless you use a relative as a free childminder. But there are various ways of doing things if you’re keen to keep working, whether it’s working around your partner or just accepting that it’s short term pain for long term gain.

I think it's just a little silly when you have genuine posters going to the trouble of posting you of tons of potential ideas when you are just dismissing them all.

Goady almost

Your first post on MN too?

yabu op

Give up people,OP doesn’t want to do anything anyway. Studying isn’t for everyone, plenty of people just aren’t capable of it.

I recently registered because I am pregnant. But I namechanged from my local area.

I will deregister now.

Yes I'm in the same situation as you. When mine reach seconary school I'm intending to start working again as the kids will be more independent e.g. make their own way home & start dinner for me.

You would get free hours for the 3 yo and the 6yo is at school surely?
You could work if you wanted to. It isn't impossible. Thousands of people are doing it. I started a new job involving study for a degree when I was 20 weeks pregnant with DC2 and went on to have DC3 just before getting my qualification and promotion. Was it hard at times to study and have young kids (with no family support and a DH who worked away part of the week)? Yes of course. But now I have a good job that pays decent money and I work 3 days a week with flexible hours. But this stuff doesn't come without EFFORT. If you don't want to make the effort then that's your choice - stay at home for ever, never work again or have any sort of career. At the end of the day nobody really cares except you and your DH. But it is enormously irritating when people pretend they CAN'T do something when what they really mean is they don't want to or can't be arsed.

And Martha before I de register I repeatedly and I politely said why I posted people kept making suggestions and then I get accused of being negative.

It’s like I’ve said I’m not hungry and people are offering me cake and biscuits and fruit and then say nothing we offer you is good enough, it’s not that, I’m just not hungry.

No you probably won’t have a career or any personal achievements outside of your children. Some people are perfectly happy with that, it’s your choice.

Personally I think it’s a bit of a waste and a shame to have a woman who doesn’t pay taxes etc despite taking a large amount from the state but you resigned yourself to baby machine at a young age so I guess that’s it.

Yes 3 free hours a day. I don’t know any colleges ok with you being in for 2 hours a day but as I’ve kept saying it’s not for me. I’m sorry if people feel I’ve misled. I wanted to talk. I can’t.

you dont have to study op, but you have experience in a shop and a call centre, and with children,
do not put yourself down op.

You say your husband is self-employed? Could you not get him to train you up to help with his admin or similar, so that you can clock up experience to get another job? I think you're ignoring the long term benefits of working - if you're able to balance the childcare now with you're income you may be able to turn a profit once they go to school and you climb the career ladder.

Sorry if this is a bit random; you aren’t the same poster who was posting about swearing yesterday are you by any chance op? Something really familiar about your posting style!

Anyway, I hope you find something to make you happy and fulfilled some day op. Agree that doesn’t have to be paid work though. And if you’re already happy and fulfilled then posting here isn’t really necessary. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be a sahp !

There's a difference between can't and won't OP.

You COULD work weekends, but you've said it would upset your DH. That's not can't, that's won't.

Again, if you don't want to do that then it's not an issue, that's your business. But stop saying "can't" when you mean "won't."

you dont have to have a career op, but you can work

I think the main issue is do you want to or need to work? There are always comprises and nothing but is easy with 3 kids in tow.

If you can't arrange daytime childcare, a couple of shifts in a pub would give you some freedom from just being "mum", some experience and a few extra quid to spend that is yours, without losing your family weekend. Probably some new friends too. But if you're happy as you are and don't need the money, it's not really worth worrying about. You'll have more options when the kids are in school

'It’s like I’ve said I’m not hungry and people are offering me cake and biscuits and fruit and then say nothing we offer you is good enough, it’s not that, I’m just not hungry.'

Fine

So if you'd have said this in your Op then posters wouldn't waste their time

'I have 2 dc and one on the way and no desire to work'

Fine

It’s okay to feel you’ve lst yourself in your family. It’ll get better xx

Go and pop out a few more babies and enjoy your life.

Don’t get why you can’t study at home - I did Open University courses when mine were little, studying in the evening after they were in bed. Then when they went to bed later, before they got up
In the morning. I also did a years study at college as it had a crèche - travelled there on public transport. You’ve got to be motivated though, doesn’t sound like you have any motivation

She doesn't want to work folks

As stated in previous post

So why post what you did? Why not just say, I won’t be working because I don’t want to??!

It sounds like you have zero interest in working. No problem if that's what you want, but I don't see why you posted for validation of that choice.

Posters on here have provided opinions on what you can do, which is far more constructive than saying 'yeah, we agree, just don't bother working'.

For me, It's sad that you're giving up all hope of a career at such a young age. You can work in future and have options.

OP...
The way you put your post sounds like you were looking for a bit of an encouragement. And you got plenty.

From your replies I now agree with other pp that you were more likely looking just for everyone saying "it's fine not to work for 12 years".

And finishing it off with "I will deregister now" 🙄 makes me think this is just a wound up thread tbh.

Look if you don't want to work, don't. If you want to do something you got 7 pages of advices on how you could do it. It's up to you.

It’s the long game, though, isn’t it? I work part time and childcare costs about 90% of what I earn. It’s also stressful, and means I see less of the kids and my husband.

However....I am keeping myself competitive and employable. If my husband couldn’t work for some reason I could up my hours and we could (just about) live on my salary. I am paying into a pension.

You can’t see into the future. Our lives would be loads easier if one of us was a SAHP but we have sacrificed this as a family for the above benefits. I would find it absolutely terrifying for us all to be so reliant on my husband.