AIBU to not see a time when I’ll ever work?

[sparklyonions]

DC3 is due in January. DC1 is 6, DC2 is 3. Dh is self-employed. We have no support network at all around us.

AIBU to not see a time when I might be able to work? Yes possibly when all kids are in secondary school but that won’t be for another twelve years or so. I can’t see how we’d manage with us both working and we don’t live in an area where there are loads of available jobs.

No she didn't say she was being controlled. I think there's a fair chance she is from the way she spoke. Since she appears to have deregistered we won't know.

It's possible she was in need of a bit of kindness but she didn't find it here.

I hope she comes back.

Sorry sooty I feel like I dragged you in there

The op wasn’t pleasant at all - maybe a bit contrary, but not rude or unpleasant. The unpleasantness came from those saying that, because some posters didn’t assume the op was being controlled that had no compassion, when actually, I think some people are projecting somewhat. And yes, now we’ll never know, as she’s left, but I don’t think that’s because the op has suffered any particularly abusive posts. I said up thread how much I sympathised in fact.

Wasn’t UNPLEASANT at all sorry

*they had no compassion

She was repeatedly accused of being goady, it was inferred she was a troll, she was told she was negative, that she’d posted in order to show her dh she couldn’t work.

I think that’s pretty unpleasant actually.

Dh would be really upset if I worked weekends, it’s the only time we have together.

Oh diddums😢 Well, as long as he can support you all without the taxpayers help.

Trolls are rife on here. Sadly people will assume that about some people. I’ve seen a lot worse on here and far fewer people leaping to the op’s defense.

I think she had some harsh replies but a lot of honesty, and perhaps felt her position wasn't tenable on the thread any more. Flouncing isn't always a sign of something more.

She was told to plan for babies 4&5 and someone else made reference to "keep popping them out"

My god, welcome to MN where women only seem to like other women if they want to have a career.

Everyone writing 'it's not clear why OP posted/what she wants', she stated several times that she just wanted to talk to see if others were in a similar position. Blimey, you might have all been to college/uni/worked with young babies but that hasn't done you a lot of good if you couldn't even work that out.

And now OP has probably left MN when all she wanted to do was talk about her situation.

This site should change it's name to 'Anti- mum's unless you work and get a career, otherwise you're a dick and we'll look down at you' because that's all it seems to be.

Are you especially bored today sooty? Are you going to pop up on every Aibu thread and pick out all the unpleasant comments people make? Because you could sit here all day and night and I don’t think you’d come close to catching all the less than lovely posts on this section. Is it what I’d say? Nope, but the exact phrase from your pal on here was “thank god someone else has some compassion sooty ”. As if not one other poster on here had any. Yes, some rude posts appear on most, if not all, Aibu threads, but thankfully they’re in the minority. Just because I, for example, didn’t leap to the same conclusion as you (I’m not discounting it either btw, just not leaping), it doesn’t mean I don’t sympathise with the op or that I have no compassion.

This site should change it's name to 'Anti- mum's unless you work and get a career, otherwise you're a dick and we'll look down at you' because that's all it seems to be.

Well that’s a load of bollocks too. I and others said many times that her choice to sah is absolutely valid and a job on its own. Paying for childcare so I could go and sit in a lovely, air conditioned office as I used to pre-dc is a luxury beyond my wildest dreams!

That isn’t fair at all annabel

I’m sorry, what isn’t fair?

I hope you don’t de register OP as you sound like you need some support.

I understand where you are coming from I had my first baby and 23 and had three by 28. We were living rurally and away from family my husband worked long hours which kept our heads above water but not much more. I am educated to gcse level. I ended up working at NHS direct evenings and weekends which built my confidence and gave us some extra funds.

And this is a bit of ‘pay it forward’ because I posted when feeling very low on MN about something relating to finances and I was eaten alive by a similar group. Ilovesooty is a poster I still remember for being kind to me that day.

And 6 years on my husband took his long hours and work drive to set up his own business I work full time in the office and now probably pay more tax than a lot of those posters who called me ‘a baby machine’ that day earn now!

I hope you find some support and remember there is no shame either in ‘just’ being a mum!

Why should anyone assume I'm particularly bored today? What a strange comment.

And my pal?

I don't think continually and I have ever engaged with one another before.

I have been in a similiar situation OP. Living rural with young children and no clue how the future is going to pan out.

I’d say focus on your little ones right now. Staying home with children is a valid choice and if you haven’t got a career you’re trying to stay current in it’s actually not a problem to have that gap for child rearing.

It’s surprising what opportunities can come along later. I’ve now got a career in an area I had no experience in and didn’t start til my youngest went to school. I’ve built up and now moving into doing a foundation degree through the workplace. When I had my youngest I wouldn’t have known that I’d be able to do this.

Enjoy your babies, spend time on your hobbies and try to keep in regular contact with friends. There is a life time to worry about working and the future often takes care of itself.

You said you want a career.

You have children. You cant be picky.

If you want it so badly you'll do it. There isn't just nursing. And its the best possible chance to get a career quickly without working your arse off to afford childcare fees

You're being very stubborn and negative.

You really are being pathetic OP. You don't know any colleges that accept 2 hours a time?

You haven't looked into this at all have you?

I go 2 days a week for 2 hour 30 mins a day.

Serisouly the world isn't against you. Stop acting like it is.

Why should anyone assume I'm particularly bored today? What a strange comment.

No stranger than assuming the op is being abused because she said her dh would prefer to spend time with her at the weekends... You seem a little overinvested and indulging in some projection and mild hysteria is the point I was, perhaps clumsily, trying to make. You could be right about the whole scenario of course. But, to draw the conclusion yourself, based on no evidence and “reading between the lines is one thing”. To then start berating other posters for not drawing the same conclusion is quite another. And that’s why I (wrongly?) assumed you might be a bit bored today. Sorry if I got that wrong.

I said pal as I couldn’t remember the other poster’s name. Other poster would have been more accurate of course, but I’m on my phone and pal is shorter. Glad you knew who I meant though.

Ugh more typos^^ sorry. On my phone as I say.

mild hysteria Really?

sooty

You keep picking up little parts of my posts and repeating them with a question mark, then not actually responding to the rest of my post. It’s a little irksome tbh. If you want to go back and forth all day like this, I’m sorry but I’d rather not.