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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be grossed out

106 replies

Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:04

I feel really mean writing this thread so please give my head a wobble for me.

My friend has let me stay at his place (tiny studio) as I was suddenly made homeless. The situation is not ideal (cramped etc) but we get on really well and are making the best of it. He's provided a lot of emotional support and is helping me find housing.

However, he is on a very low income and is short every payday after bills are paid. I've 'lent' him around £500 in the last month or so (but may put part of that towards rent contribution) but I also pay for all food/shopping.

He used to call me up and sigh dramatically 'oh I wasn't going to eat today as I can't afford It'. But wow, when I buy food the man can seriously eat Grin

Last night I bought us a kfc takeaway (think the bargain buckets for four people!!). I had 2 pieces of chicken and a handful of fries. The rest he ate Shock then was laughing and are 3 share bags of Maltesers etc and those share pot things of like brownies or whatever.

It made me feel quite sick. I'm a foodie but that was pure greed and gluttony. It's making me not want to buy food as I won't get a look in anyway. I'm being a cf aren't I Sad

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 30/09/2018 08:07

Well, I’d assume they were struggling and perhaps couldn’t afford treats.
How quickly will you be able to move on?

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:14

Couple of weeks I guess. It wasn't the quantity so much as the way he was eating. Inhaling great fistfuls of fries as fast as he could and then looking round for what else he could Hoover up. Like watching a homeless person who hadn't eaten in weeks, but it was like he was making sure I didn't get a look in.

He's asleep right now and I'm starving. I guess I just resent having to get up and do a shop now because there is literally no food left in the flat.

OP posts:
LostInShoebiz · 30/09/2018 08:14

Pretty small beer to be grossed out over.

Maybe don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:16

It's hardly a gift when I've effectively paid his rent this month and he's eaten for free all month/had electricity on the meter too. And he's still moaning he's skint and will be short again this week for the rent.

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 30/09/2018 08:17

Is he genuinely starving? If so YABU, sounds like he doesn’t have enough money to eat.

When getting food in can you plate it up so you each get a fair amount?

I understand being grossed out by terrible eating though.

Yourenotericlove · 30/09/2018 08:18

Sounds like he's overweight and you don't like overweight people very much.

'Inhaling' and 'hoovering' 'fistfuls' of food is the kind of language only ever used to describe overweight (or similarly hated) peoples eating habits ime.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:19

Let's just say he prioritises his weed habit over eating Hmm

OP posts:
Shazafied · 30/09/2018 08:19

Perhaps he doesn't get treats like that very often. Perhaps he felt entitled (wrongly) to stuff his face as you as (it sounds like) staying for free.

I wouldn't be grossed out as such but would consider not buying expensive treats. Do a really boring shop of basics like bread beans apples milk porridge etc. I'm sure his hoovering will slow down.

Singlenotsingle · 30/09/2018 08:19

He's putting a roof over your head and you're putting food in his belly. Surely you just take control over portioning it out, not just let him fall on it like a hungry dog? DW it won't be for long!

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:19

Nice assumption but he's actually skinny.

OP posts:
AuroraFloyd · 30/09/2018 08:20

You seem to be surprised that someone struggling to pay the rent and electricity may not be able to afford food either. In which case, it's no wonder he shovelled it in.

Shazafied · 30/09/2018 08:21

Cross post - you are not staying for free. Just by boring food, portion it out and get out of there ASAP !!

But things he doesn't like ?

Shazafied · 30/09/2018 08:21

Also, if he's a stoner he may have had the mega munchies.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:22

I'm not staying for free though. He's had £500 in his account which is more than his rent. Plus free food and electric. I'm happy to pay my way but this feels excessive when I'm waking up starving cos he ate 90% of the food last night and cleaned out the cupboard and is fishing for even more cash. Surely we should be splitting 50/50 with me treating him a bit on top?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 30/09/2018 08:25

Well, you’re not being unreasonable- but at the end of the day he is giving you a roof over your head, so you can deal with it for a short time until you find somewhere else!

cushioncuddle · 30/09/2018 08:26

It does sound like you're paying more than you should.
It also sounds like you're feeding his munches after weeds.
Would dishing out your portion and telling him it's yours work?

sexnotgender · 30/09/2018 08:26

In that case YANBU.

You’ve paid more than your fair share to live there and if he’s got money for weed he’s got money for food.

Don’t give him any more money and hide your food if possible/eat out of the house.

Shazafied · 30/09/2018 08:26

If agree that that's what should be happening but it sounds unlikely. He's a stoner, he has no money, he hoovers up food whenever it's available as he has gone through periods of having none.

How long till you can move out?

Fuzzywig · 30/09/2018 08:29

Maybe you should rethink and reagree the living arrangements. You are never going to see that £500 again as he says he has no money for the basics.

I would suggest you agree a rent for whilst you are living there. For example £100 a week and each of you buy your own food, pay towards electricity etc (sounds like electric is prepay). When this is agreed pay half the rent and tell him the other half will come off the £500 he owes you. As PP suggests buy the basics of what YOU need to survive and eat your treats KFC at the restaurant, sweets and treats in work or wherever.

To keep the peace it might be worth going back to week one and taking any rent out of the £500 he owes you.

Cornettoninja · 30/09/2018 08:31

Well the weed is definitely going to play a part but I don’t think eating like that is unsual in itself tbh. Some people are just natural gannets. Irritates the life out of me as well but that’s how it is.

Are you likely to be there much longer? You could agree a menu and shop together. It’s easier if you buy ‘ingredients’ that are less likely to be appealing during the munchies.

maras2 · 30/09/2018 08:31

Never thought I'd see the words foodie and kfc in the same sentence. Shock

NerrSnerr · 30/09/2018 08:32

It's hardly a gift when I've effectively paid his rent this month and he's eaten for free all month/had electricity on the meter too.

Move out then. If you're grossed out by him, disapprove of his lifestyle choices and you think you're paying over the odds then get your own flat.

He is doing you a favour- he didn't have to take you in.

LIZS · 30/09/2018 08:33

Why buy food for 4 and not expect him to eat the extra if you did not? Confused if you do not like his lifestyle or subsidising his habits then you have the option not to. Eat your main meal elsewhere and look to move out asap. Sadly his issues will persist whether you are there or not.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:34

Totally true NerrSnerr but that doesn't give him the right to take the piss. As far as I can see all he's paid for this month is weed. And he's hinting for more cash.

It's my fault. I was so grateful for him taking me in that may be I was overly generous.

OP posts:
Suebnm · 30/09/2018 08:34

The emotional support he has provided cannot be quantified in your situation. I think you're being unfair.