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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be grossed out

106 replies

Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:04

I feel really mean writing this thread so please give my head a wobble for me.

My friend has let me stay at his place (tiny studio) as I was suddenly made homeless. The situation is not ideal (cramped etc) but we get on really well and are making the best of it. He's provided a lot of emotional support and is helping me find housing.

However, he is on a very low income and is short every payday after bills are paid. I've 'lent' him around £500 in the last month or so (but may put part of that towards rent contribution) but I also pay for all food/shopping.

He used to call me up and sigh dramatically 'oh I wasn't going to eat today as I can't afford It'. But wow, when I buy food the man can seriously eat Grin

Last night I bought us a kfc takeaway (think the bargain buckets for four people!!). I had 2 pieces of chicken and a handful of fries. The rest he ate Shock then was laughing and are 3 share bags of Maltesers etc and those share pot things of like brownies or whatever.

It made me feel quite sick. I'm a foodie but that was pure greed and gluttony. It's making me not want to buy food as I won't get a look in anyway. I'm being a cf aren't I Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:36

LIZS have you never heard of takeaway for breakfast the next day? Wink

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 30/09/2018 08:36

Tell him you don't have any more cash. I agree with pp- agree an amount you'll pay rent or if you disapprove of his lifestyle that much then don't live in his house!!

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:40

I don't 'disapprove' of his lifestyle. He's an adult and live and let live I say. I'm self employed and despite having 6 months upfront, finding a place is taking longer than expected. But I won't have 6 months upfront for much longer if he's getting me to pay everything for sharing a tiny bedsit when I could have a one bed alone for the same amount of money. I just feel it's a pisstake as if the tables were turned id just split it all down the middle.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 30/09/2018 08:41

Plate up a decent portion for yourself - don't just have takeaway cartons to share on the table, etc. Have what you need then it doesn't matter about the rest. Sounds as though the two weeks can't pass soon enough though.

NerrSnerr · 30/09/2018 08:42

Don't give him rent money and eat your tea out of the flat. You do sound disapproving though- you're grossed out by him, that's quite a lot of disapproval.

Quartz2208 · 30/09/2018 08:43

he is taking advantage of you - you need to sit down and create a proper agreement otherwise you wont be able to leave

Veganfortheanimals · 30/09/2018 08:46

You could get a room in a shared house for £500 a month..I'd be moving out sharpish ..you won't be able to save for your own place paying him £500 a month

Mulberry72 · 30/09/2018 08:49

I’d be moving out ASAP, it sounds like he’s on a good screw, you paying for everything and him getting stoned off his head all the time.

I’d be buying myself individual ready meals for one or eating before I went home. He’s a grown adult and if he prioritises weed over food then more fool him!

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:49

Disapproving is a bit strong NerrSnerr. I was just shocked he effectively at 4 portions of fries, 20 pieces of chicken (various sizes) and all the chocolate crap in 2.4 seconds. And now I'm expected to refill the fridge only for the same thing to happen again. I admit I do resent doing a shop that would last me a week only to find most of it gone in a day. If that makes me mean then so be it. The electric and money on top is making me uneasy. We still get on well, I won't have a row about it. But pps are right to buy staples rather than stuff he can endlessly snack on.

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 30/09/2018 08:50

you are mean to make a post about his habits when he is putting you up.

LIZS · 30/09/2018 08:52

Have you never heard of takeaway for breakfast the next day?

And you are grossed out that he ate it warm rather than let it fester overnight in a bedsit! Your choice to give him all this money. I would suggest his issues go beyond weed if he is always skint. You are enablng him by staying.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/09/2018 08:53

@Sparklfairy, get yourself out of there, and as suggested above, find a room in a shared house.
Yes, it was good of him to take you in, but it isn't working out, and he isn't going to change anytime soon, he is, who he is.
If you stay, you will begin to lose money. Stop buying expensive take-a-ways, of course he's going to eat them, the munchies will take over.
Get looking today ! Hope you find somewhere soon.🌸

LostInShoebiz · 30/09/2018 08:53

You may well be paying more than market rent but you’re also paying for convenience and flexibility aren’t you? No deposit? No agency fee? No credit check? Emotional support?

Sounds like you’ve got a bargain. Someone eating most of your Bargain Bucket is not a big deal.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:54

LittleBookofCalm I don't get this attitude. I'll just had him my contactless card now shall I and give him free reign on it?

My point is he didn't need that food. I've been flat broke where he is now and you eat sensibly so you have some for the next day. You don't just eat as much as you can knowing that someone else will just feed you tomorrow. Yeah he's doing me a favour but as pps said all I'm doing is subsidising his weed habit.

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 30/09/2018 08:54

how odd to buy a big bucket and complain when it is all eaten. can;t you buy proper food? is there no cooking facilities?

Urbanbeetler · 30/09/2018 08:55

A bed and breakfast or other temporary accommodation would have been expensive so I think you have to suck it up this time. Buy loaves of bread and marmite/jam only - try to eat your own food cooking it at another friends house perhaps? - think how much you could have bought with the kfc money.

And find somewhere else to stay ASAP - it can’t be much fun living with a stoner.

LittleBookofCalm · 30/09/2018 08:55

so you bought the big bucket and expected to eat it in the morning as well? eww.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:55

LIZS yes I am. But I was trying to be grateful and generous and feel taken advantage of. Some pps have made me feel like a grabby bitch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 08:57

LittleBookofCalm probably not. Maybe id eat a curry or pizza reheated the next day, but the greasy chicken breakfast was his idea. He just got carried away Grin that post was only meant to be lighthearted

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 30/09/2018 08:59

I'd be looking at a renting a room some where. Round my area they start at 80 a week.

If you have 6 months up front rent. I don't understand why finding a place is so hard?

Ansumpasty · 30/09/2018 09:00

Some people should just never spend considerable time/ live together.

If he never has money and doesn’t eat much, he’s going to binge. He’s like a kid who only eat healthy food at a birthday party...or me at an all you can eat buffet Grin

To save your friendship, you need to find somewhere else to stay

RyderWhiteSwan · 30/09/2018 09:00

Basically you are paying for everything for him while he spends his money on weed. Time to stop buying in food. Eating out alone would be cheaper than this! yes he's provided a temporary living space for you - but he's getting far more out of this than you are.

That greedy way of eating everything in sight would gross me out too btw.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 30/09/2018 09:01

Thesmallthings some letting agents have told me that landlords think 6mths uf means you're likely to be a drug dealer! And if I'm competing with 10 other tenants with straightforward pay slips it's just easier for them to go with one of those.

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 30/09/2018 09:04

sparklefairy honestly I do believe you... it's just crazy that your finding it so hard.

I'd sit him down and tell him your be paying him 400 a month.
Yes hes doing you a favour, but that doesn't mean you owe him your kidney.

SoyDora · 30/09/2018 09:06

If he’s so disgusting then move out 🤷🏻‍♀️.

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