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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Most ignorant school mum ever!

129 replies

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 19:49

I work full time but now and then I get to pick up my son from school as have flexible working. I have got to know some of the school mum's. My son is best friends with a boy at school. They get on so well . So I decided to try to talk to this boy's mum to arrange playmates and offered to have him round. However I have never encountered such an ignorant woman in my life. I've tried to talk to her many times at the schoolgates. She ignores mePretends she hasn't heard me. She won't make eye contact with me and turns her back to me. I have been pleasant and ignored every time. I had to go to a kids party with her again earlier I thought I'd have another go at speaking to her. I sat down at the table and she turned her back to me as i was sat down. I asked her 5 times as her son came over would he like to come and play with my son and she ignored me. Others at the table looked surprised. She didn't even turn round and just muttered to her son she is talking to you and he walked off. I just felt so uncomfortable the whole time. I just don't understand. I have never encountered someone so rude in my life. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 23:17

Skittlesandbeer I'm creasing myself 😂😂. Sorry to hear there are other school bullies around though. I normally wouldn't make such an effort with someone but the boy's have been great mates for 2 years so I was trying to instigate a play date. It's awkward cos I'm always on my own at these things cos hubby at work. I wonder if her and her husband would be so rude if I had my bigger and taller husband stood with me. Hard to know. Anyway I shall be pretending she's invisible. 😋

OP posts:
Ninjasan · 29/09/2018 23:21

I'm not British but I've lived here for over 15 years. Mums pretending not to know me, talking to someone's back, mums not recognising me in the morning is quite normal. Have you got an accent? That seems to be the problem with me. Blank eyes when I try to talk to some mums.

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2018 23:27

Meh, op, maybe don't be so nice as to just ignore her, she deserves a bit of shit.

Look her up and down like she's dressed badly when no one can see you but she can then turn away . Stare quizzically at her top, or her trousers, or her hair. Then sort of shake your head and turn away and ignore.

Do this look Hmm

Just for a couple of seconds. Give her that look whilst staring at a part of her. Then ignore her. Glance back a couple of times and give her trousers/hair/top that look again. She'll spend the rest of the time wondering what's wrong with her hair/trousers/top..

Petty but so so worth it.🤣

Chocolate50 · 29/09/2018 23:28

maybe she thinks you're someone else, someone who she hates for some reason! I would send your DS to school with an invite asking a couple of his friends to play after school, she might loosen up or if she doesn't she will only be hurting her DS, which is really cruel but hey ho, your DS will have other friends to play with on his playdate

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 23:33

No I'm well spoken if I do say so myself 😁. I'm really laughing at some of these suggestions. v funny. I've a funny feeling when I adopt this attitude she will want to talk to me.

OP posts:
NoHufflefucksGivenMugglefucker · 29/09/2018 23:35

My guesses would be

*Severe social anxiety

*Feels threatened or intimidated by you or your confidence

*found out her husband thinks you are hot

*your kid has said fuck/bugger/bum/fart in her sons presence or gave her child a kick in the shin at some point, and therefore you and your family are NOT to be Associated with.

*some other mum has told her you think she is an ignorant twat

  • your son has told her son something about you that has been taken too literally, think -my mum had a drink in the car=you drink drive and are an alcoholic

*you congratulated her on a non existent pregnancy earlier on in the year and she just had eaten too much- and that’s why the husband snapped and joined in the “joke” when you wished her s good birth

HandlebarTash81 · 29/09/2018 23:36

Lucky escape. Could you imagine how judged you’d feel having this woman in your home? First impressions are often correct and you can always spot the warmest people. She can get in the sea.

NoHufflefucksGivenMugglefucker · 29/09/2018 23:38

I have another

*theres another bitch in the playground who is feeding things back to her that you have said/done (but they are good at pretending to be nice so you have no idea who it is)

hmmmum · 29/09/2018 23:46

Ninjasan that’s awful Sad

SummerIsEasy · 29/09/2018 23:49

Ninjasan

I am white British and have experienced plenty of strange behaviour at the school gates. My kids are well grown up now, late twenties to early thirties but in my day women who worked, when many others stayed at home were often treated like pariahs at the school gates.

All you have to do is be slightly different, so just ignore the lot of them and get on with your life. If they have nothing better to do than being petty it says more about them, than it does about you.

CSIblonde · 30/09/2018 00:10

Best advice my Counsellor ever gave me re other people's behaviour: "People are creatures of habit. Once is happenstance, twice is their normal pattern of behaviour. Hence the two strikes & you're out rule."

I wouldn't waste energy trying to make nice if she's consistently blanked you (for whatever reason). Life's too short.

itchybumhole · 30/09/2018 00:15

Do the honourable thing. Tell her she's a cunt and then forget her.

Nightwatch999 · 30/09/2018 00:31

Just get straight to the point and ask her is she aware of how rude she is or is this normal for her?

SoleBizzz · 30/09/2018 00:34

She is a bitch.

But why do You have to talk to her because your five year old children are best friends? Is it me?

sunshinemantra · 30/09/2018 00:50

Unfortunately these types exist at every primary school. You won't have done anything wrong, it's a pathetic power trip - just be thankful you are not in her Little gang, it must be a dire existence.

Ignore, don't engage. Mean girls that refuse to grow up are unlikely to change. Feel sorry for her DS, but there is nothing you can do with that sort - best avoided.

AGHHHH · 30/09/2018 00:52

Um by "ignorant" did you mean "rude" or "ill-mannered"? Ignorant means lack of knowledge or learning.

Do you REALLY have to ask?!

AGHHHH · 30/09/2018 00:53

I'd have to do the right thing and call her a bitch whilst swanning away disgracefully.

lborgia · 30/09/2018 01:01

Diamond we had a woman at baby group who decided that she didn’t want to meet up with old mothers, so she started a separate group. Nice.

Fast forward 5 years, and I see her son’s name on a bag on the first day of school, and thought, “oh crap, no her”. Some friends who were helping out for the first day of reception were talking about what a cow she was, first day of school.

Here we are 3 years later, and our children are best friends and she is awful. Of all the kids in all the world...

Thing is, I feel really sorry for her son because he’s very sweet, very uncertain, but also comes out with some complete shit (how comes your house is so old? Hmm). I’m taking strength from your thread and deciding that instead of even trying to be civil, i’ll just text “ds wants devil’sson to come and play. Let me know if he’s free xy or z dates”.

Much less stressful. Sorry you’ve been through this, but very helpful to me. Flowers

lborgia · 30/09/2018 01:04

itchy - once I’ve discovered which high school her son is going to, I might borrow that one for the last day of school Grin

emma2939 · 30/09/2018 06:58

Awww OP I totally sympathise, my DC wasn't exactly best friends with this child but still friends, this particular mum wasn't at all interested in smiling or engaging in conversation, I would smile as passing at the gates as I would with all the mums and she would just stare right past me, at first I thought she hadn't seen me but after a few times I realised she actually did and was just not bothering. One occasion we was walking to school right behind them, her DD turned round and was happy to see my DD and they held hands, I said aww how lovely, she didn't even turn round and instead just kept saying 'come on DD!' Sad another time we was at assembly and I was going through the door, i held it open behind me for her as she was just entering, not even a thank you, after that I gave up. Shortly after I attended a birthday party and unbeknown to me got talking to this woman's absolutely lovely friend (they have older kids in the same year) I now take great pleasure having a lovely conversation with said lovely friend in the playground and ignoring her existence while she's stood next to her. Just ignore OP and don't give her the satisfaction of ignoring you again.

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 30/09/2018 09:20

This thread has made me feel so much better. Thank you. Sorry to hear though there's more rude people around.

OP posts:
Vagndidit · 30/09/2018 10:39

Op, don't give it a second thought. This woman is clearly a waste of your time.
DS has a best school friend who has never been allowed over for a playdate or birthday party in the 6+ years they've known each other (although he attends other classmates social events, as the mother is "in" with their mothers). This is in a very cliquey, leafy community, where so-and-so went to school with so-and-so and it's all "so lovely" that their children are now growing up together. This mother made it very clear, way back in reception, that there was no room for outsiders like me (I'm a foreigner after all) inside her little world.

But when DS hit her son over the head in YR with a toy, that gave her just cause to "protect" her son from mine, and pretty much sealed our fate. Her DS and my DS are still the best of friends (they're in Y6 now) but Mother blanks me at any opportunity. I gave up caring long ago! DS is in his last year of primary school and I for one cannot wait to leave this awkward school gate social circle behind.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 30/09/2018 14:07

I moved from the West Midlands to the East Midlands and on an occasion I was told to go back where I came from! Some people are just bonkers.

PorkFlute · 30/09/2018 14:37

If she’s often rude to people then I doubt it’s anything you or your son have done. From what you’ve written you’ve approached her far more times than I would have bothered to!
If the lads have been friends for 2 years I’m sure they will continue to be. It’s a shame they can’t see each other outside of school but you’ll just have to arrange play dates with other parents.

roboticmom · 30/09/2018 15:37

What happened with us is that the son took on some of the Mum's bad attitude- snobbery is my best guess- and my son naturally grew apart from him. Also if your son has play dates with other children because their parents actually engage, he will become closer with other children.