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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Most ignorant school mum ever!

129 replies

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 19:49

I work full time but now and then I get to pick up my son from school as have flexible working. I have got to know some of the school mum's. My son is best friends with a boy at school. They get on so well . So I decided to try to talk to this boy's mum to arrange playmates and offered to have him round. However I have never encountered such an ignorant woman in my life. I've tried to talk to her many times at the schoolgates. She ignores mePretends she hasn't heard me. She won't make eye contact with me and turns her back to me. I have been pleasant and ignored every time. I had to go to a kids party with her again earlier I thought I'd have another go at speaking to her. I sat down at the table and she turned her back to me as i was sat down. I asked her 5 times as her son came over would he like to come and play with my son and she ignored me. Others at the table looked surprised. She didn't even turn round and just muttered to her son she is talking to you and he walked off. I just felt so uncomfortable the whole time. I just don't understand. I have never encountered someone so rude in my life. Aibu?

OP posts:

Delatron · 29/09/2018 21:17

I’d give her a taste of her own medicine. She’s clearly just rude. I’d ignore her. Look straight through her. Sit down next to her, then turn your back on her.

lljkk · 29/09/2018 21:19

There was another mum treated me a bit like OP describes. DS talked non-stop about her son. I racked my brain for 15 months wondering what had I done to offend her. Finally asked around & turns out she was a right notorious cowbag to many people!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2018 21:21

She sounds very rude, don't bother with her. Let your ds play with her ds at school.

LassWiADelicateAir · 29/09/2018 21:33

I never knew ignorant could mean ‘rude’. Learn something new everyday

It's an informal secondary meaning. I don't think it is a particularly useful way to describe deliberate rudeness.

A person can be ignorant in its primary meaning of lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated and still be perfectly delightful.

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 21:35

Where I'm from in the Midlands ignorant does mean rude. Yeah thanks for all the comments and advice it does make me feel better. I don't have trouble making friends and good at networking esp at work . I didn't expect the school gates to be so clicky and such a minefield. The good thing about it all was a mum came over to sit with me and chat while I was waiting at the party. I asked the other lady several times about the play date cos I kept wondering if she hasn't heard me. I am very tempted to burst out laughing the next time she turns her back on me and walk off. I shall not be speaking to her again. She is a cos. Others have complained of her rudeness to me. So as you say I shouldn't take it to heart. I just couldn't believe it when she won't even look at me when I'm talking. Surely it's just human decency to say no thank you?

OP posts:

Duck90 · 29/09/2018 21:37

Could she have a grudge from when you were “young”? You might not recognise her, but she remembers something about you? It could be really petty like... snogging a boy she fancied.

I know this sounds daft, but people can hold on to all sorts of resentment.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2018 21:42

She is a snob and does not think yiur good enough. Both her and her husband sound rude. Encourage yiur ds to play with other kids.

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 21:43

Duck90 maybe it's cos I'm ten years older. My son is my youngest. Maybe she doesn't speak to people over 30 🤣

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2018 21:46

Don't beat yourself up trying to guess, yiu might never know. She's not worth your time.

Duck90 · 29/09/2018 21:48

Diamondangel18. That will be it 😀 far too old to speak too. Unlikely that you snogged her crush then?😂

WoollyMollyMonkey · 29/09/2018 21:50

I know someone a bit like that. She spoke to me as if I were a bad smell. I come from another part of the country so have a different accent, which I presume she finds common. She’s right up her own arse in my opinion. (Perhaps she’s right & I am common haha!)

SirGawain · 29/09/2018 22:08

There are genuine reasons why someone would behave on this way. You seem to have made up your mind already.
I can't think of any!

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 22:10

Me neither! I've racked my brains. I couldn't be this rude. It's far too much hard work. I wanna see her now so I can pretend she isn't there 😂😂

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2018 22:14

Honestly, just ignore her, you're feeding her sense of superiority by keeping trying.

Don't approach her again, don't even look at her, if she looks at you, look away.

Honestly with people like this you, if you keep trying you may as well just be wearing a placard begging to be bullied.

GunpowderGelatine · 29/09/2018 22:21

Plot twist: The OP is actually a ghost like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense 😱

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 22:29

Yeah don't worry I'm gonna ignore her. GunpowderGelatine that really made me laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:

Skittlesandbeer · 29/09/2018 22:35

I think I’d be turning this around and using it for my own amusement. Why should she keep affecting your enjoyment of these events?

The ruder people are to me, the more I ramp up the friendliness. It’s fun, you might like to try it next time.

Effusive hellos, bring her unasked for drinks & snacks, give her kid a hug right in front of her. Keep up the sparkling monologue until she leaves...send her off with a loud ‘Byyyyeeeeeeee Gloria!! See you at pick-up, Hon!!’

She’s being rude because she’s sure it’ll make you give up and leave her alone. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Others around might think you’re a loon at first, but they’ll soon get the joke. They may even join in.

Don’t forget a rousing chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ (any day will do) and a handmade gift at Christmas (maybe a t-shirt with a witty slogan on the back so you’ve got something to look at?)

kateandme · 29/09/2018 22:45

if you really haven't doe anything not even anything that she could have taken wrongly then she really isn't worth you worry.you will turn ur mind upside down over this kind of person.and like a bully they then win.just let her go.how freeing it would be to just let it go.then don't worry another second about her.your boys will be ok as long as you still always being nice to him.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/09/2018 22:48

I’d just avoid her tbh

clueless101101 · 29/09/2018 23:00

Ignore her. Boys can play at school

averageisgood · 29/09/2018 23:00

I spent nearly an entire school year trying to be friends with a woman like this. I broke through the ice after a while, but have recently discovered she is actually incredibly rude and very nasty. I wasted a whole bloody year. Now I have to somehow not talk to her without appearing as rude as she is. My point being, don't waste your time, even if you do manage to break through, you may just discover the depth of how nasty she is and regret the effort. Just because your ds is friends with her ds, means not very much.

Bluntness100 · 29/09/2018 23:04

She’s being rude because she’s sure it’ll make you give up and leave her alone

I would dispute that. I've met this type before. It's the mean girl from school who didn't grow up. She's doing it because it makes her feel superior to the op. And the op looks like Billy no mates trying to be her friend.

The only way to handle it is to completely and utterly blank her. With a cold hard eyed stare. And never bad mouth her, and if she speaks to you say something like " sorry who are you again?" Before eyeing her up and down curiously and turning away.

And she will try to talk to the op at some point, because she needs the op to crawl up her arse so she can reject her and show everyone her superiority.

SouthwarkSkaters · 29/09/2018 23:07

I have one like this.
We moved end of last year and DD immediately befriended this girl at new school. Her mum looks through me and pretends she hasn’t seen me. At first I thought she didn’t know who I was so wasn’t deliberately ignoring me, but I volunteered at the school Christmas dinner and was talking to another mum and when I said which class DD was in, the other mum mentioned DD’s friend’s mum and called to her and she said ‘yes, that’s [DD’s name]’s mum’. I was .

DD had a birthday party and invited friend, another friend’s mum responded on her behalf and took the girls to the party. She seems to go out of her way to avoid me and, to be honest, I stopped caring a while ago. Then yesterday I was going to school for a coffee morning, bumped into her on the path to school and she said hello. I was so shocked that I just mumbled something in return.

I have decided that if she wants to speak to me, I’ll be polite and friendly as I am with everyone else but I’m not going to put any effort into someone who clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

SummerIsEasy · 29/09/2018 23:13

Where I come from ignorant is a term used to describe those with very bad manners and totally lacking in social graces.

My DS had a really good friend in reception class whose Mother always blanked me. In spite of this the boys grew up as really good friends, with the boy often round at our house during teenage years, eating his tea etc.. Apparently my spag bol was amazing.

The boys are now early thirties and still good friends, particularly through sporting activities. It was obvious that the Mum looked down on me, perhaps because I “had to work”.

Apparently (through word of mouth) this woman has now decided that our DS is an acceptable friend for her son. This is because our DS has excelled academically and now has a great job. In fact he has done considerably better than the other boy, but their friendships are more important than achieving, as good friends are hard to find in adult life

To be fair, you should not take it to heart, as there are snobbish women at school gates everywhere. Nod and smile politely, then leave it at that.

TreaterAnita · 29/09/2018 23:15

‘Ignorant’ has a secondary meaning of rudeness in a number of English dialects, and it specifically means the kind of unsociable standoffishness that the OP is describing, so she’s using the word entirely correctly.

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