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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Most ignorant school mum ever!

129 replies

Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 19:49

I work full time but now and then I get to pick up my son from school as have flexible working. I have got to know some of the school mum's. My son is best friends with a boy at school. They get on so well . So I decided to try to talk to this boy's mum to arrange playmates and offered to have him round. However I have never encountered such an ignorant woman in my life. I've tried to talk to her many times at the schoolgates. She ignores mePretends she hasn't heard me. She won't make eye contact with me and turns her back to me. I have been pleasant and ignored every time. I had to go to a kids party with her again earlier I thought I'd have another go at speaking to her. I sat down at the table and she turned her back to me as i was sat down. I asked her 5 times as her son came over would he like to come and play with my son and she ignored me. Others at the table looked surprised. She didn't even turn round and just muttered to her son she is talking to you and he walked off. I just felt so uncomfortable the whole time. I just don't understand. I have never encountered someone so rude in my life. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 29/09/2018 20:22

sorry yo hear that lizzie48. You know how I feel!

OP posts:
Ngaio2 · 29/09/2018 20:23

I’ve always understood that ignorant in this context means ignorant regarding good manners, Social niceties etc. Is it regional? We are from the Home Counties. Historically a knowledge of the accepted code of manners was regarded as a measure of culture and education and I guess this is why the lack of manners is associated with ignorance.

Anasnake · 29/09/2018 20:24

Ignore her. She wants your attention so she can make you feel shit. The best response is total disinterest in her.

lolarose896 · 29/09/2018 20:24

It's a shame because your boys are friends. My sister has the same issue with her DS best friend from school, she has tried to speak to the mum of the friend at the playground but the mum is always rude and not interested in play dates or birthday parties etc.

Doghorsechicken · 29/09/2018 20:26

I haven’t read all the thread.. but I would literally call her out on it & openly ask her why she ignores you whenever you’ve tried to speak to her.

GloomyMonday · 29/09/2018 20:27

I wouldn't be able to resist asking the question 'did you mean to be so rude?'

mumsastudent · 29/09/2018 20:29

ah - she belongs to a school mums "coven" were they all speak to each other sneering at other mums - seeing them as inferior or whatever - they have massive inferiority issues. She probably would prefer to be/believes she deserves her son to go to private school not hanging round with a mum who works (hard!) for her living. Your happy approach your contentment with your life will be an anathema to her - her problem not yours she probably gossips about you. Ignore her -she isn't worth it - sadly her son is missing out (both in his friendship to your dc but also in getting to know you :)) There are always women like this in every walk of life.

EK36 · 29/09/2018 20:30

I would stop talking to her completely. If your son asks if his friend can come and play just write a note. Tell your son to pass it to his friend for his parents to read. If you hear nothing back the onus is on the boys parents.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/09/2018 20:33

Sounds like a very strange person

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 29/09/2018 20:33

I would completely ignore her. Actually pointedly so too.
She doesn’t want to speak to you. Fine. You clearly aren’t missing much there!

bibizizi · 29/09/2018 20:36

bitch!

EndOfDiscOne · 29/09/2018 20:38

We have one like that. Charm personified with her little crowd, rude as hell if you're not one and then stands there slagging you off to her mates.

I just try my best to avoid her as it makes the atmosphere so unpleasant. She's kind of non-discriminatory though - if you're not part of her crowd of 3 she treats you ALL like invisible shit.

Lizzie48 · 29/09/2018 20:38

Now when DD2 asks me whether this friend can come and play, I just say that it's fine with me, but her friend needs to speak with her mum and then leave it at that. She doesn't ask now, and thankfully she has other friends whose mums are happy to arrange play dates. (It would be a bigger problem if it was a friend of DD1, she has a very hard time making friends.)

It's actually the friend I feel sorry for, as she and DD2 are very good friends and they're constantly together in the playground. I don't get it at all; it's not as if it's necessary to be friends in order to be able to arrange play dates.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 29/09/2018 20:44

She's just a bitch. Stop talking to her she's obviously taking pleasure in treating you like this when you talk to her. Start ignoring her and walk away to the others.

YouOKHun · 29/09/2018 20:45

She may be getting off on you trying so hard. I’d absolutely shut down, pretend she’s invisible and spend your energy on the decent people. Organise some play dates with other children - at 5 years old friendships are so fluid and changing all the time anyway. Whatever her problem is, don’t make it yours.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2018 20:45

I take it she’s a social climber.

My dd was really good friends in reception until a mother really overreacted with an incident on a play date. The girls were 5 and just doing silly things. The woman clearly said some awful things anout my dd to the girl as she ignored dd for the next 6 months and ostracised her from the friendship group. The mother is overbearing and the girl is now a lot older.

At the time Dd had recently realised just how ill I actually am and this situation sent dd over the edge and she had a mental health crisis. Stopped caring about her appearance, struggling to go to school, refused to bathe. Dd is fine now btw. The best thing that could have happened even though it was incredibly difficult.

Your ds has had a lucky escape. This woman doesn’t care about her ds’s feelings. If she did she would want your ds to be friends with hers. As she doesn’t care about her ds’s feelings she’d have no qualms about your ds badly.

Your ds is going to have to learn he has play date friends and friend only at school. Encourage him to foster friendships with other people. This will stand him in good stead.

youarenotkiddingme · 29/09/2018 20:45

No don't bother anymore. It gives her more power the more you try and the more she gets to turn her back.

Encourage your ds to play with other children too and invite other children for play dates.

famousfour · 29/09/2018 20:51

I never knew ignorant could mean ‘rude’. Learn something new everyday.

If it were me I’d just leave it. Some people are weird. The children can hang out at school and it’s probably good to spread friendships through other play dates.

Cindersdonegood · 29/09/2018 20:52

Honestly I would probably do something daft like burst out laughing if she did it again. It's so preposterous, someone turning away and ignoring someone trying to speak to them. I'd really struggle not to give her an actual reason to dislike me, like saying "Hello? Hellooooo? Hell-oooooh?" Whilst walking in front of her to look her in the eye to ask what her issue is.
I can see it now; her turning her face away and spinning round as you try to speak to her like a toddler having a tantrum.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 29/09/2018 20:52

No worries HoofWankingSpangleCunt and what a great name!

I used to get upset by the lead 'coven of hags' at my daughter's school. I don't know why I wasted my breath. Rude for the sake of being rude - but others see their behaviour and I'm fairly certain the school has their measure. I think it sadly enough carries on to their children too eventually.

I did initially feel sad about being rejected though. It does feel personal.

SalemBlackCat · 29/09/2018 20:52

Why not ask your son to ask his friend about it?

DailyMailFail101 · 29/09/2018 21:00

Some people are really shy with new people and come across rude but it’s just insecurity.

Member869894 · 29/09/2018 21:04

Why did you ask her the same question five times?? That's weird.

SabineUndine · 29/09/2018 21:07

When you say ‘ignorant’, do you mean ‘rude’? ‘Ignorant’ means ‘uneducated’.

BrightLightsandBlackHoles · 29/09/2018 21:11

I've had this. No idea why. I would say avoid, ignore and pursue other friendships/play dates for your son. In my case other mum eventually came round (after about 2 years!!) and DDs now play together. No idea what her issue is/was. Not my problem.