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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD asking to host a house party for her 16th?

117 replies

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 14:07

DD is turning 16 towards the end of October and has asked me if she can have a house party. In previous years she’s always done something with a small group of friends like paintballing, sleepover etc. But I understand that as she’s been to many in the past year she feels she should have a party and thinks she’d enjoy hosting one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms. But isn’t having a party a rite of passage? Should I say yes and spend the time holed into the bedroom with DH to ward off any activities in our bed? Any advice from experienced (or not experienced) Mumsnetters?

OP posts:

flobella · 29/09/2018 14:43

Just nope. Hire a venue - it will be worth the expense to protect your home and your belongings. Your daughter is probably very sensible but there’s no knowing who might turn up and you don’t want to walk in to find Wayne from Year 10 barfing into your Grandmother’s antique vase.

Even a relatively cheap village hall can be made to look nice with imaginative decorations.

SputnikBear · 29/09/2018 14:45

Another nope. Regardless of how sensible my own child was, I wouldn’t trust that friends or gatecrashers wouldn’t destroy my home.

AppleKatie · 29/09/2018 14:47

Depends how many does she imagine inviting?

More than is comfortable in the rooms of your house that you want them to use? Hire a small church hall or similar. If not go for it- with boundaries agreed first...

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 14:51

She asked for 50 and I haven’t given her a response to any of it as don’t want to give any false hope. I’d say that 45 would be acceptable
I’ve asked if she’d like a small hall (in London so more church halls or scout huts) and she’s replied that she’d rather not as it’s ‘very year 8’ and has essentially said if she can’t have the party she’d like a dinner with her friends (which I am more than happy to do) but has expressed an extremely strong preference for the party

OP posts:

Chocolatecake12 · 29/09/2018 14:52

Yes! Do it!
I let my ds have a party at home for his 16th.
He planned a great music playlist, came shopping with me for snacks and invited 20 friends. I had pizza delivered half way through the evening.
I said that they could bring what they wanted to drink as I didn’t don’t feel happy providing them with alcohol. There were lots of ciders and lagers and alcopops. I provided soft drinks.
Party was from 7.30 til 11 which seems usual. I let his best friend stay over.
Rules were no one upstairs and I stayed in my room with dp coming out a couple of times to check all was going ok.
At the end of the evening I made sure people were either being picked up or getting taxis. All the kids thanked me for a great evening! There were no breakages, no kids having sex and no one being sick!
You always hear about the horror story Parties but if you know your dds friends you know whether the party will be ok or not.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 29/09/2018 14:52

No I wouldn't. I think it's easier to control things if it's in a venue with a start and end time and you don't risk them damaging your home.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/09/2018 14:52

I agree a venue such as a village hall would make more sense, but start looking early if you want to do this as many won't accept teenage parties after too many bad experiences

(And yes, I used to run one)

LotsToThinkOf · 29/09/2018 14:52

I really wouldn't. It does depend your house though, if you had an area where the party would be with an area outside then maybe you could facilitate it. But no way if they had to be in my living space.

Normal 2 up 2 down (3 or 4 even) I wouldn't entertain it.

shutlingsloe · 29/09/2018 14:53

We did but only for twenty. It went really well, no horror stories.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/09/2018 14:55

I'd worry about the booze side of things at that age - most of her friends would still be 15. Supposing they smuggle vodka etc in and get really ill? You're responsible for them in your house. It's a bit of a minefield.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 29/09/2018 14:56

Just say no. No way on earth would I be agreeing to 50 kids for a house party.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/09/2018 14:58

Only just noticed she wanted 50

All you need is just a tenth of those to mention it on social media and before you know it you could have a nightmare on your hands, especially in high density London

Personally I'd be paying for the "dinner with friends"

Happygummibear · 29/09/2018 14:58

Chocolatecake has the best suggestion.

Would limit it to about 20-25 depending on house size..if invite needs to be online make sure it's private and you have the name of those coming.

Move any valuables etc upstairs. (Dh told me he had a secret house party at 19 but he put the vases back in the wrong place so his mum worked it out haha)

Make sure you have a cut off time.

I remember my 16th was in a tent in the back garden with about 15 sleeping out there..we had great fun and my brother supervised.

It doesn't need to be an American pie party..if your daughter respects you she will be sensible and you can say if it gets out of hand you will shut the electrics off and send everyone home

HelloPeopl3 · 29/09/2018 15:00

My sister did this for my niece. Snapchat and Facebook were used to invite friends etc.. 400 friends, friends of friends, strangers, randomers turned up. We had to call the police.

AppleKatie · 29/09/2018 15:02

50! Nope unless you live in a 6+ bedroom house.

Normal 3/4 bed 20-25 absolute maximum!

pinkhorse · 29/09/2018 15:03

Bad idea! Especially having 50 people invited. That's a recipe for disaster. I'd let her have around 10 people maybe and no alcohol. Most of them will be 15 at this point in the school year.

spacefighter · 29/09/2018 15:05

Definitely no.

tactum · 29/09/2018 15:06

Ha ha - I'm doing this tonight!!! 35 coming, no mention on social media.

No alcohol provided, parents have been told if they are happy their kids can bring beer but no spirits. As far as I'm concerned that makes the consumption their responsibility.

We have a large kitchen diner living area and they are allowed there and the loo and outside. Nowhere else.

7-12, no sleepovers. I'm comfortable with it and will be around to keep an eye. But if it would consume your house then no. Have removed all pictures n ornaments. I'm looking forward to it!!!!!

SubtitlesOn · 29/09/2018 15:08

Are you a family/couple that have your friends parties at home for your 40th etc?

Do you host family "get togethers" at Christmas etc?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/09/2018 15:09

No experience but if she's been to lots this year, presumably with the same groups of people - how did they go? Do you know any of the parents to ask? Was it the same numbers? If they've all gone OK I'd be more inclined to say yes. And also get her involved in setting the rules and suggestions of how to enforce them...

SubtitlesOn · 29/09/2018 15:09

If so, how many do you host?

tactum · 29/09/2018 15:10

I'll report back tomorrow on how it worked out. I believe her friends are sensible......

AmateurSwami · 29/09/2018 15:11

Oh god, I don’t think I’d dare, just based on the house parties I used to attend at that age 🙈
Awful double standards I’m afraid

AmateurSwami · 29/09/2018 15:11

I meant it seems I have double standards jut to clarify

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:11

tactum good luck to you! Hoping for you that it’ll be good news tomorrow

OP posts:

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