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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD asking to host a house party for her 16th?

117 replies

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 14:07

DD is turning 16 towards the end of October and has asked me if she can have a house party. In previous years she’s always done something with a small group of friends like paintballing, sleepover etc. But I understand that as she’s been to many in the past year she feels she should have a party and thinks she’d enjoy hosting one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms. But isn’t having a party a rite of passage? Should I say yes and spend the time holed into the bedroom with DH to ward off any activities in our bed? Any advice from experienced (or not experienced) Mumsnetters?

OP posts:

Tinklewinkle · 29/09/2018 15:13

Yes, DD has one for her 16th

We put a limit on 30 and a time limit of 7pm-11pm along with dire warnings of what would happen if it ended up on social media

I made it clear I wouldn’t provide alcohol but if parents were happy for them to drink then they could bring beer/cider/Smirnoff Ice type stuff - absolutely no spirits. We got a Dominoes delivered half way through

DH and I stayed upstairs.

It was fine, no breakages, no one uninvited turned up, everyone went home at 11.

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:13

Yes I’m not worried about the stranger turning up things as it’s usually the same bunch of 40-50 kids that go and the host usually makes invite group chats on Snapchat. Although her close friends have always been invited none have hosted one yet which is why I don’t know how they’ve gone. DD says they’ve all gone fine but that’s what I told my mum years ago after John gave the rabbit MDMA and Kirsty chundered in the mum’s boots. But I’m sure I’d have heard if anything crazy happens

OP posts:

cariadlet · 29/09/2018 15:13

50!

No way. My daughter's just had a party for her 16th and we only had 10. She felt that it was different from previous sleepovers because they dressed up for it, we bought a new speaker for her playlist, we got loads of outdoor lighting etc.
We let them bring 1 or 2 bottles of beer or cider if their parents agreed, we provided the same for my dd and also loads of soft drinks. Plenty of pizza to soak up the limited booze.
The girls were either 15 or just turned 16 so they liked the idea of a grown up party with alcohol, but they're still underage and we didn't want anyone getting drunk.
dp and I were in the house, but kept out of the way and everything went smoothly. They had plenty of photos to post on Instagram which seemed to be the main criterion of a successful party!

Tinklewinkle · 29/09/2018 15:14

Sorry, typo - DD had one for her 16th

Stripyhoglets1 · 29/09/2018 15:14

We've done it but with about 20 not 50. No way would I allow 50.
We stay in and upstairs unless needed (only once when had to arrange for someone who had massively overdone it to go home) provide food and mixers and no alcohol. If they want drink they have to bring it. Drinks get split but they have been ok - they are very noisy though.

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:17

stripyhoglets with the noise did you get any stick from neighbours, even if you had warned them?

OP posts:

crisscrosscranky · 29/09/2018 15:19

@Bridgetwithoutthejones I'm another in the no camp but wondering how the rabbit fared?

UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 29/09/2018 15:20

Not in your home. Hire the parish hall and provide water, soft drinks, crisps and some music. Don’t start until 7.30 pm so everyone eats beforehand. All over at 10.30 p.m. and everyone goes home happy.

Mama1980 · 29/09/2018 15:22

I'd say yes. I did for my eldests 18th, about 50 people, pizza, some alcohol but not masses, lots of snacks and Plenty of music. All went fine, no horror stories and everyone had fun.

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:24

crisscrosscranky unsurprisingly died. Hopefully it had a good time before although the poor thing probably didn’t want a good time but a long one.

OP posts:

Tinklewinkle · 29/09/2018 15:24

We didn’t get any complaints from our neighbours. I spoke to them all first and the music was turned off at 11

All our neighbours have a noisy parties and BBQs now and then, no one minds

GooseDownCreek · 29/09/2018 15:24

I came on here to say yes but then I saw she wants 50+ guests. I wouldn't do that, not even in an outside venue.
Mine both had parties at home but with about 12 to 15 guests.
I gave a definite end time of 1200 and they were all collected (live in the sticks). A small amount of alcohol was allowed and I did food and a cake. It was lovely.

LusaCole · 29/09/2018 15:24

I'd say yes personally

category12 · 29/09/2018 15:24

Do you have a massive house?

I'd let her have a house party, but smaller number (unless you have massive house). Put away anything easily broken, like ornaments, and stash valuables, and set ground rules about what rooms are out of bounds.

blackeyes72 · 29/09/2018 15:27

It depends how big your house is and how many damage prone objects you have? I don't have much to damage at all, but I would worry that the house was not big enough to sit comfortably 45-50 people. Max 20 if I was doing it.

Also other things to consider...is the house detached? If it's a terraced or semi, might be worth telling the neighbours? It could get very noisy...

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:28

category12 no your average middle class London Victorian terrace house so not big at all. Most of her peers, at least the ones who threw these parties, live in similar houses so I’m not sure. I’ve just showed her this thread and she’s adamant 20 and under is not a party but a gathering (presuming that’s our version of a shindig).
Still in two mind

OP posts:

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:28

*minds

OP posts:

Notsohorriblehistory · 29/09/2018 15:29

one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms.

You have essentially just described EXACTLY what will happen. Exactly

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2018 15:29

I don’t think you can believe her without talking to at least 3 sets of parents. When I was 16 my friend used to go off with a different bloke every weekend. I used to tell her mother when she rang that she was at her exes house. I was too sorry for her to tell her otherwise poor woman. I knew she would have been panicking. So that’s how a 16 yos mind potentially works.

My brother decided to have a house party at that age. No parents there. The house was not left in a good state and I was very persuasive not to be raped by a guy he barely knew and there were a bunch of gatecrashers. I was younger and the responsible one trying to go round clearing.

CalonGlas · 29/09/2018 15:34

Well, if you're that blase about one of your mates killing your rabbit with drugs then you'll probably be fine if one of your DD's friends vomits pure Smirnoff Ice into your sofa. Have at it....

GeorgeTheHippo · 29/09/2018 15:34

I have had gatherings at home which went fine, as others have described. But I think 40 or 50 kids is just too many and may very well go wrong. Last time DS had friends round there were only six of them, and there was still singing* and thumping around. But they all got picked u by their parents by midnight.

*sadly, only one of his friends can sing

GeorgeTheHippo · 29/09/2018 15:35

Bugger, I thought that might bold. What happened to the nice preview function?

Original poster

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 15:36

calongas it wasn’t my rabbit, it was a house party I attended not that it makes a difference. It was 30+ years ago so I think it’s pretty safe to say that it is somewhat comical after all this time

OP posts:

Lizzie48 · 29/09/2018 15:51

I don't think drugging a rabbit can ever be funny, it's actually very cruel and would get you into trouble these days, I think. Drugging a pet is an offence now and can result in a custodial sentence, if reported to the RSPCA.

Obviously, you were only teenagers, but that could never be funny.

MyGardenNeedsHelp · 29/09/2018 15:59

calongas it wasn’t my rabbit, it was a house party I attended not that it makes a difference. It was 30+ years ago so I think it’s pretty safe to say that it is somewhat comical after all this time

Really? Not very comical for the poor bloody rabbit.

Have the party.

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