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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD asking to host a house party for her 16th?

117 replies

Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 14:07

DD is turning 16 towards the end of October and has asked me if she can have a house party. In previous years she’s always done something with a small group of friends like paintballing, sleepover etc. But I understand that as she’s been to many in the past year she feels she should have a party and thinks she’d enjoy hosting one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms. But isn’t having a party a rite of passage? Should I say yes and spend the time holed into the bedroom with DH to ward off any activities in our bed? Any advice from experienced (or not experienced) Mumsnetters?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 20:11

Have you had any party horror stories or have they all been good okay?

OP posts:
HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 29/09/2018 20:19

Mine are too young. To be fair family with older kids have all had OK parties. My cousin's twins had a 17th at home. They removed any valuables and parents both stayed in the bedroom, warned the neighbours on advance and brought them wine.

PrincessScarlett · 29/09/2018 20:37

I think as long as you stay in the house Bridget, you can keep a level of control over events. All the horror stories I know about have happened when the parents left the kids to it.

missymayhemsmum · 29/09/2018 20:40

Yes, lots of good teenage parties. secret of success is to lay down ground rules in advance, eg music volume down at 10.00, off at 11, no spirits, no illegal substances. warn the neighbours. recruit a crew of mates who will stay over and help with the clear up, remove breakable and valuable items (just clear the decks generally) and make sure you are visibly present, supporting your 'host' by floating around greeting people, keeping an eye on things, mopping up spillages, and making sure everyone gets home safely, while distributing pizza.

50 is too many, though, esp if you only have 1 loo.

Original poster
Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 20:46

missmay ah an experienced party host. I’ve got 2 one near the kitchen and one on the first landing up the stair? Do you think 40 would be alright with that?

OP posts:
GerdaLovesLili · 29/09/2018 20:49

Oh nope! A hundred times nope.

Ohluckyme · 29/09/2018 20:53

I had a party at home for my 16th birthday. It was awful. Lots of older boys turned up and started taking coke and pills and trampled and wrecked my parents house - who had trusted me. 20 years later and I still feel bad about it! Don’t, just don’t.

Ohluckyme · 29/09/2018 20:56

Also my next door neighbour recently had a 16th birthday - a similar thing happened and ended in teenage boys throwing rocks and standing on all the cars in the street. Police called, it was a shit show. Parents were home too but it’s hard to control a large group of cocky, drug fueled teenage boys.

AnnabelTheAntelope · 29/09/2018 20:56

20 years later and I still feel bad about it! Don’t, just don’t.

I think this^^ is the thing; parents think they’re doing their teenaged kids a massive favour by letting them have big parties in their houses, but ime the teenagers are the ones ending up a bit traumatised and guilt ridden over it. It’s not the huge favour one might think.

AnnabelTheAntelope · 29/09/2018 21:00

The best memories I have of my misspent youth are when we had smaller parties of people who I (and my parents) absolutely loved. We did this all the time and it was so lovely. My best friend from then is still a feature at my dad’s house for a drink and Christmas cake round Christmas time.

All the big parties I hosted were just horrible, as were most of the ones I attended. I only remember feeling too drunk and people vomiting - always with the people vomiting. Oh yeah and not being able to get home and having to walk huge distances or wait in the freezing cold for hours for a taxi. Yuk.

DeaflySilence · 29/09/2018 21:09

Have you considered how long this would be for and how your neighbours would handle it, Bridgetwithoutthejones?

I notice you mention dropping the number to 40 (still a lot of people in a terraced house) and I imagine your neighbours might well tolerate that between 8pm and 11pm (although they probably won't like it).

However, I cannot image most neighbours tolerating 40 young people partying in an attached house much later than that. Would your DD be prepared to accept a fairly early finish, or would that be equally unacceptable to her as a church hall or being limited to 20 guests would?

Original poster
Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 21:13

deaflysilence I think my darling daughter would just about accept a slightly earlier finish, I am worried about her stamping her feet and throwing a hissy fit though
Don’t appreciate the snarky comments about my dd, maybe I’ve portrayed her as a bitch on her but she’s lovely most of the time in real life. 11pm would be fine as an end time although I don’t have many qualms about neighbours as both sides are throwing very loud parties (like it’s their 50th every year) until early hours of the morning

OP posts:
CommanderDaisy · 29/09/2018 21:15

I think 50 is way too many for a 16th. That's much more of an 18th type number. 50 is way too many to control in your house and 40 not much different
I'd halve the numbers to about 25/30 and completely eliminate any option for alcohol. .
With 50 there are bound to be several who invite extras then all of a sudden you have 100 people traipsing through your house, and it would be much harder to police anything going on.

I would also maintain my visibility rather than hide away, drifting in and out at random times or being on station in the kitchen serving up food.

I'm of the stricter variety of parent, and would be almost searching bags etc for booze and if they can drive - confiscating car keys on arrival.
I'm not sure what the drinking age is legally in the UK but in Australia it's 18, and allowing drinking by underage kids on your premises can get you in a world of trouble.

(Also on the rabbit issue, I had a party in my 20's and some MDMA got dropped in my fish tank. One fish ate some before I could fish the pill out - it changed colour from black to gold and swam upside down for about a year before righting itself and returning to normal. It lived for several more years)

specialsubject · 29/09/2018 21:21

stamping feet, hissy fit? teen or toddler?

you said it, op!!

DeaflySilence · 29/09/2018 21:36

"Don’t appreciate the snarky comments about my dd"

You think I made snarky comments about your DD? What comments were those, Bridgetwithoutthejones?

Was it when I intimated that a party in a church hall or being limited to 20 guests would be unacceptable to your DD?

If so, I suggest you read back your own posts. It was you who first said both of those things. I was simply reiterating what you had already told us.

Original poster
Bridgetwithoutthejones · 29/09/2018 21:37

It was sarcastic in response to a pp specialsarcastic

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets1 · 29/09/2018 21:42

You asked about noise OP. We did get complaints from the only neighbour I hadn't warned. Tbh the kids were outside as it was summer and hot - I made them go inside about 10pm as a result and noise wasnt an issue for other people when they were inside. 50 would be a riot in our house/garden though!

safariboot · 29/09/2018 21:42

50 would be a hell no from me, unless your house is much bigger than I'm imagining.

LynetteScavo · 30/09/2018 06:58

My friend who has a similar house to the OP recently hosted a 16th party. It was supposed to be for 10. Eight more turned up when a guest sent out a text saying they were at a great party.

Apparently it was LOUD (screaming etc from over excited teenagers)

My friend hid in the bedroom and is now saying never again.

Personally I'd be too worried about pizza being trodden into the carpet.

If you're going to have 50 teenagers your going to need someone on the door (front and back all night) hard copy invitation only, and a no alcohol rule. Also enough food for 50 isn't going to be cheap. And how many toilets do you have?

I'd promise her an 18th party in a venue, personally.

MongerTruffle · 30/09/2018 07:23

I'm not sure what the drinking age is legally in the UK
It’s 5 (no, that isn’t a typo).

Honeyroar · 30/09/2018 07:25

Just can't get my head round someone thinking it's funny that an animal probably died in agony from something a twatty drugged up kid did. I can't decide whether you're weird or sick. It's just not normal to find something like that amusing. But if you're ok with something like that you'll be fine with anything a house party can throw at you!

VickieCherry · 30/09/2018 07:31

Just asked my partner. He said no, as do I. Based entirely on house parties when we were that age Grin

You'll be responsible for someone else's drunk child, someone might bring drugs onto your property, and something is bound to get damaged.

Youvegotafriendinme · 30/09/2018 07:32

Our next door neighbour did this a couple of years ago. We were told in advance and she said only 20-30 people would be coming. All fine.
What happened was 100+ kids turning up till all hours, one fell through our joined fence into our garden, glass all over our drive and sick on my car bonnet. Police were called to clear the house out. Speaking with them the next morning, turns out daughter had announced it on Facebook as an open invitation. The poor people were still finding sick in drawers days later.

I know it’s a horror story of what could happen and you know your child but it just shows what can happen. If you limit the amount of people it can be controlled and could be quite nice for her

skintnotskinny · 30/09/2018 07:50

I had an 18th birthday party many years ago (long before social media). It was one of the most miserable nights of my life ... loads of aggressive gatecrashers turned up, I found my alleged best friend having sex with a random in my bed, there were cigarette burns on the dining table, vomit all over the stairs and the police got called. This was in early summer so we used the garden and it was in an Edwardian double-fronted house (so no long corridor) in a naice area. I spent most of the night in despair trying to stop complete strangers from trashing my parents’ house - they’d gone out for the early part of the evening and came back at 10 but by that time it was too late.

The parties around here which seem to be under control are with smaller numbers and older teens. Our next door but one neighbour allowed her 15 year old to have a birthday party a few months ago (very similar house to yours OP). We’d been out and came back at about midnight to find paralytically drunk teenagers passed out in the road. Our neighbour had provided beers and soft drinks, but they’d all sneaked in vodka and got trashed anyway.

Tupacca · 30/09/2018 08:13

Might be fun to hire a big muscle bound dude in a suit (know anyine with a massive son? But nice, not a real psycho though. Lol) to stand at the door and have a list of names so only invited guests come in. Your daughter would probably love that as it'd look like a proper club night. But he'd also be handy as the teens would sense that they should not behave really awfully, as there's a big meaty bouncer. He could also do a quuck seatch of bahs for spirits. Obviously remove breakable from the party rooms. And keep upstairs off limits. Get a do. Party food. Could be fun