DD asking to host a house party for her 16th?

[Bridgetwithoutthejones]

DD is turning 16 towards the end of October and has asked me if she can have a house party. In previous years she’s always done something with a small group of friends like paintballing, sleepover etc. But I understand that as she’s been to many in the past year she feels she should have a party and thinks she’d enjoy hosting one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms. But isn’t having a party a rite of passage? Should I say yes and spend the time holed into the bedroom with DH to ward off any activities in our bed? Any advice from experienced (or not experienced) Mumsnetters?

"no your average middle class London Victorian terrace house so not big at all. Most of her peers, at least the ones who threw these parties, live in similar houses so I’m not sure."

Do you know the parents of any of your DD's peers who have hosted a party for 50 16-year-olds in a London Victorian terrace house? If so, I think you should have a chat with them, to see how things worked out.

I'm not sure how large a London Victorian terrace house actually is (e.g. a long narrow hallway, leading to two fairly small reception rooms, one behind the other, versus, two large reception rooms, either side of a massive entrance hall, with a family room and a large kitchen dining/kitchen behind those )?
If the former, you are mad, your house and garden will be wrecked (possibly your neighbour's gardens as well). If the latter, you are still mad, your house and garden will still be wrecked (possibly your neighbour's gardens as well).

It sounds like you really want your DD to have the party of her dreams (not to mention being the coolest, most laid back mum ever), but unless you are planning a very stiff couple of hours with strong parental supervision, then I think you are being unrealistic in thinking you can accommodate that size of party.

Go for it. I let dd have a large party at sixteen and there was about 35 people there. All decent 'teens' so no trouble or smashing things.

The house was as messy as you'd expect for a few hours long party with lots of young people but no trouble or anything broken.

Go for it, decorate the house, put out party food/crisps

Limit the alcohol if any because of the age

Have fun :D

deaflysilence two average size ‘reception rooms’ that lead into each other and down the corridor is a large kitchen area that leads onto the garden.
Despite me obviously wanting my daughter to have a good birthday and enjoy herself it definitely doesn’t have to be the party of her dreams. I’m just in two minds because I’m trying to let her have the same fun experiences that I had (no I was not a part of killing the rabbit but I was at the party and looking back on it now I do find it funny-sorry!) but then I obviously do not want anyone (animals or humans) to come to harm

bimgy85 glad your dd’s party went well! I definitely wouldn’t be providing alcohol but am aware it’ll be brought in. If I see any spirits I’d take them away of course but wouldn’t be policing cups

Also did you stay upstairs? Or do some loitering?

I would say yes.
40 maximum I would allow.

Provide the soft drinks, lots of snacks and have food delivered about 30 mins after it starts so it fills them up and they're less likely to drink.

adamant 20 and under is not a party but a gathering
Yes my DS would agree that is technically a gathering.
I just think 50 is a huge number to have in the house ( assuming it's not a summer birthday and you have a big garden).
If you go ahead don't leave the house and be prepared for at least one to arrive already blathered and be very ill by 8pm. .
This has happened at several parties I know of.

If you are hell bent on letting your DD have a house party I would insist you stay on the premises.

50 is a lot and not every parent of those 50 kids will necessarily know they are at a house party or may not want their 15/16 year old drinking alcohol unsupervised or at all so I think you will have some sort of duty of care which is why you should stick around.

Do you know these 50 kids? All it takes is for one of them to mention it to someone not invited/put it on social media and you could end up with all sorts of trouble.

If your DD has said the other parties were fine, do you trust her or is it likely she'll hide some truths to ensure she also gets a party? Maybe it is worth checking with some of the parents just to be on the safe side.

I have done it for my dd. Nothing bad happened.

We told her 25 people max, all people she knows, no friends of friends. Everyone had to be gone by midnight. She moved all the breakable stuff upstairs. We provided some snacks and soft drinks.

DP and I came downstairs a couple of times to make our presence known make cups of tea. The friends were lovely, thanked us for having them.

No I really wouldn't. Friend of my DD15 just had a 16th party at home and is now firmly in the never, ever again camp.

Party was about the same size as you are proposing OP. Her DD is a really good kid, very studious, nice friends. She really wasn't expecting the quantity of vodka and the amount of vomit she ended up with....

mrschollysawcut oh no! Your poor friend. I’m going to have to talk to dd properly about the party’s she’s attended and have an ask around the parents

Hard to hear from the parents once they’re this age though unless they’re close friends. Will try my best

I asked my folks the same- but for my 18th! They said yes providing they could be there with some of their friends. 120 guests and it was amazing. Yes, lots of drink and general noise but it was a crazy good night. My folks set a 1am curfew which mostly worked (around 10 crashed in our living room!) and a big breakfast next morning. Only 1 police call out (music- neighbour complained) and no other bother really. My parents shut off the upstairs so so sexy times in their bed! Honestly- go for it. Really fond memory x

*no sexy times

Ask your DD to show you the insta and FB photos from previous parties

• (to show that there were actually 50 at previous parties) - as far as she is concerned that is why you are asking

Don't let her go - here is one etc just look at them all

That way you can see what the sizes of the areas they used were and what kind of state they were in and look out for vodka bottles in photos

The thing is don't look at the subject of the photos look what is going on around/behind them - you will learn much more from that

I had house parties around that age where my parents basically stayed upstairs unless they needed something from the kitchen. Mates and I were pretty sensible and people didn't do stupid stuff knowing that parents were there, but also didn't feel totally self-conscious because parents only appeared a couple of times and not in an 'on patrol' way. Alcohol was available but house wasn't stuffed with it.

Honestly I think it's a good way to introduce the whole thing responsibly to everyone. I went on to have parties without my parents there and they stayed pretty sane (except for the one where I did have a few unknown gatecrashers, which looked ropey at one point, but turned out OK in the end)

subtitleson have just sat down with dd with her phone in my hands (that’s a first) and gone through her friends Instagram and whatnot. Barely any pictures I thought this generation never stopped taking them! I’ve seen one picture with a boy with a deflated balloon in his mouth in the background (assuming laughing gas) which isn’t good. The other few that were there had cans in the background, surprisingly saw a couple of bottles of wine (stolen from parents I would not be happy) but in the limited pictures available no sightings of vodka although it probably is present.

No, definitely not. My friend had a party around that age at her flat in a vair naice Georgian square in Pimlico and some stranger who’d turned up with friends got pissed, fell down some steps inside the flat and simultaneously vomited and shat all over the carpet. Enjoy!

Also, I think your sense of humour is decidedly off. Poor rabbit . I hope you don’t have pets, but if you do, obviously keep them safe from HILARIOUS little pranks like... you know, someone killing them for a right larf .

no village hall committee with any sense will allow this, for the same reason you don't want it in your house. Fortunately the Equality Act still allows halls to refuse 16 year olds.

you need an event where there is something to do rather than swill, shag and spew - hence that dinner party or something else they aren't too cool to enjoy.

you set numbers and you'll need to stop gatecrashers. When she has her own house she can risk trashing it.

“you need an event where there is something to do rather than swill, shag and spew - hence that dinner party or something else they aren't too cool to enjoy.

you set numbers and you'll need to stop gatecrashers. When she has her own house she can risk trashing it.”

YY^^

Despite me obviously wanting my daughter to have a good birthday and enjoy herself it definitely doesn’t have to be the party of her dreams*

You're right it doesn't - except the suggestions made so far aren't good enough "a hall is Year 8", "20 isn't a party", etc, so if you agree at all, isn't it likely to just grow and grow?

I think you also said that none of DD's close friends have hosted such a party - their parents probably said no - so I'm not sure how you'll get to speak to more distant ones?

"deaflysilence two average size ‘reception rooms’ that lead into each other and down the corridor is a large kitchen area that leads onto the garden."

Is there a compromise to be done? For example, 35 people in total and an 11pm finish?

deaflysilence there would definitely be compromise. Max I’d allow is 40 and she hasn’t mentioned an end time but I’d say 11:30 so they’re all out by 12

I don't think a 16 year old is going to want a church hall party, that happens more in year 7. I'm torn, in the one hand most parties are fine and it would be nice for DS on the other hand there's always the risk of a giant hassle, stuff being smashed, puke on the sofa etc.

hundrandsansthousands you’re right about the church halls. Dd hasn’t received an invite to a church hall party in around 3 years