DD asking to host a house party for her 16th?

[Bridgetwithoutthejones]

DD is turning 16 towards the end of October and has asked me if she can have a house party. In previous years she’s always done something with a small group of friends like paintballing, sleepover etc. But I understand that as she’s been to many in the past year she feels she should have a party and thinks she’d enjoy hosting one. All I can do is imagine parties when I was that age and the sick, smashed Glenn’s vodka bottles and sex in parents bedrooms. But isn’t having a party a rite of passage? Should I say yes and spend the time holed into the bedroom with DH to ward off any activities in our bed? Any advice from experienced (or not experienced) Mumsnetters?

Damn you autocorrect. Get a dj, not do.
Search bags not bahs.
A 20 yr old doorman might only be £10 an hour.

I would let her have a party with vv strict conditions:

• absolute max of 25 and you need to know the names of everyone coming in advance. If their name's not down, they're not coming in
• no mention of it on social media in advance
• they all stay downstairs in the house and absolutely no one goes upstairs apart from family
• you're there throughout, even if you're hanging out watching Netflix upstairs and popping downstairs occasionally
• strict cut off time
• no booze. You won't be providing it and none of the guests will bring any
• your DD goes round in person to tell the neighbours she's having a party and promises them it'll be over by whatever time and that she'll turn the music down if they ask
• you'll provide loads of whatever food and non alcoholic drink they want
• DD helps with all the clean up and guests pay for anything they damage (but obvs move valuables upstairs)

My parents let me have a house party for my 16th. The carnage op, the carnage. There were police, one girl ended up at the neighbours with alcohol poisoning while the neighbours prayed for Jesus to heal her, and my dad opened the broom closet to find me grinding on Hayden Robinson’s leg. And no one ever could work out how pink dye came to be splashed all over the lounge wall.
Just don’t.

How about doing a big party in a pub or simlar function room but invite all the family and family friends it was done a few times when i was younger the pub would stamp the hands of the underage children so they couldnt get served ect

If you tolerate alcohol they you are legally responsible for it - it is NOT the parents' choice to provide it if they are drinking in hour home. We are in Oz so different social norms apply but if I allowed alcohol at my DD's upcoming 16th it would be a serious social faux pas and if parents complained to the school about the fact that I allowed underage kids to drink in my home my DD would probably "have her enrolment terminated". We have pool parties for 20 with pizzas and soft drinks 😊

I would definitely say no more than 20 and if your DD isn’t happy with that then the alternative is no party.

Might be fun to hire a big muscle bound dude in a suit (know anyine with a massive son? But nice, not a real psycho though. Lol) to stand at the door and have a list of names so only invited guests come in. Your daughter would probably love that as it'd look like a proper club night.

Friend of mine did this for a joint 18th party for their twins. Had hired a 'bouncer' on the door and one in the house just floating about keeping an eye on things while returning plates to the kitchen (they were the sons of her DH's boss one of whom did a fair bit of bouncer work at the time). Had a DJ and loads of lighting. Bought tons of fairy lights for their garden (their garden is spectacular, it's big and very pretty).
They had invites printed and nobody was allowed in without the invite, nor were they allowed to bring in any drink or cigarettes (twins have asthma, one quite badly but it saved cigarette burns). Had 2 'waitresses' (these were the daughter of her DH's boss and her best friend) who gave each guest 1 glass of bubbly on arrival, and generally tidied up empty glasses, sorted the food (posh buffet, was Waitrose I think), and cleared away after.
Had a bar set up in the garden, with a vat of non alcoholic punch, and beer, cider, and all soft drinks. Had hired a cocktail maker guy whose remit was to supply endless non alcoholic & low alcohol cocktails - these went down a storm, as they had the proper different shaped cocktail glasses and he frosted some, had all the trimmings, straws, fruit, ice etc. and he did all the fancy shaking etc.
On the (massive) lawn were several giant games like Jenga and Twister, Connect 4 etc, so those not dancing could have fun.

They borrowed the entire street's garden chairs & tables. The parents invited a few select friends to the party too, but didn't overplay their presence. Music off at 11.30, then fireworks from the bottom of the garden (neighbours all warned), and 'carriages at midnight' and house cleared and tidy long before 1.
Nobody has apparently had a party that's lived up to the same standards since apparently.

Interesting that some other Australians have replied. I agree that providing alcohol to 15 and 16 year old here is frowned upon in most social circles here. About the worst I did at that age was raiding the liquor cabinet of a friend’s parents . We thought we were so edgy having Midori and lemonades and getting tipsy

I agree that providing alcohol to 15 and 16 year old here is frowned upon in most social circles here

Good! I don’t remember adults supplying booze to us at this age either (in Ireland). I’ve only heard of it on MN.

Yes but not 40 or 50 people in October. That would only be viable if you have lots of outside space and it was summer.

Lint it to 20/25. Have a ‘bouncer’ and named attendees only. Music off at 11 and everyone out by 11.30.

Depends a bit on your DD and her friends but you might want to do a bag check for alcohol.

Have a bar and bar tender serving softies and low alcohol drinks.

I'd say a big fat no.

I’m would not supply alcohol but I’m saying that if I saw beer or cider cans I’d turn a blind eye

How did it go tactum?

I've avoided this with my teens, having heard the horror stories from some of the parties they've been to. Sinks pulled off walls, over flowing baths, puke everywhere.

Errrrm. It was eventful!!!!!!

Kids cannot moderate or pace themselves with alcohol intake. We came close to shutting down at 9.30 when drunkenness reached its peak. But after they ran out of it it calmed down a lot. There was sick, there was a whole lot of mess and there were a couple of people we were seriously not impressed with. But loads of them were very well behaved, courteous and grateful for the chance to party hard.

Overall I am pleased DD has this memory and on the plus side her and her friends cleared up for 5 hours yesterday and no permanent damage was done. I wouldn't say I'd reccommend it and I'm glad it's over but overall I'm glad it happened. DH on the other hand.......

Oh dear tactum hopefully dd’s cleaning meant you at least got a day off housework. Why are you glad it happened out of curiosity? For dd’s memories?

Just had to go on Facebook to check how many people were at my 17th birthday party! Looks like it was around 20-25 and thy was a really good number - enough that it was definitely a party but not an uncontrollable number. My parents went to some friends up the road for the evening, we had wine in boxes, cheap beers and ciders and plenty of snacks. Think we just had an iPod and speakers for music. My parents house has a big garden so we were mostly on the balcony or outside which limited mess, and about a handful of people (maybe 8?) camped over in the garden afterwards. It was a really great night, no drama and the only casualty was one light fitting which got broken due to some overenthusiastic dancing on a bean bag (my mum still brings it up with my friend every time she sees him, 9 years later)!

My 19th on the other hand was carnage, and we weren’t even in the house for long before we went out! 😳