Am I too strict on my 11 year old DS?

[AlfiePup]

11 year old DS is allowed 1 hour a day on the Xbox 4 days a week, plus another 2 hours to use over the weekend. He is CONSTANTLY asking for more - asking to be allowed it in the mornings, asking to be allowed more time etc. We have a password set on it which only the adult know as he would undoubtedly sneak onto it when he could otherwise.

Today is a gorgeous sunny day and he's just told me he hates his life and wishes he wasn't here anymore. He's used up all his weekend time on the Xbox and "has nothing to do". None of his friends are out playing - they are all stuck inside on the Xbox!

I don't want to alienate him from his friends but equally I am aware that the Xbox is addictive and does negatively affect his mood.

AIBU - am I being too strict with him?!

My DS is 11.

He is allowed 30 minutes in the evening on his laptop/games console if he has done well at school and done his homework.
On weekends he is allowed an hour if he is good.

He can earn more time, (up to an hour on weeknights only) by doing chores.

Like your DS ours used to have unrestricted access but he would have an awful attitude if he spent too long on it.
This way works much better for him.

He plays rugby twice a week and goes to several after school sports clubs so I feel we gets the balance right.

I agree with Fatted - and what are the other “more creative” things they should be doing? Mine has dyslexia, he can read but it’s hard work for him. Why should that be his Saturday activity? Equally drawing is poor, he wouldn’t do it for fun. Toys are a bit behind him now, might play with a few wrestling figures but not for hours. Plays in the garden but much of the time it’s wet. We go somewhere every weekend but I can’t do that 12 hours a day x 2.

Drawing, painting, crafting, pottery, music, drama, baking, cooking, knitting, textiles, dressmaking, woodwork (joinery or carving), metalwork, growing stuff.

Then there's all the computer-based stuff that isnt straight gaming - programming, graphic design, electronics. Can be combined with construction type kits or robotics if preferred.

Then there's sports.

My DS does:

Drama, music, pottery, art, painting classes, baking, cooking, chores, chess club, garden club, School Council admin, reading, daily maths apps, football, park, walking the dog.

He still adores his Xbox.

Of course. Why wouldnt he? I was answering Fatted's question about alternatives for when the xbox is off.

In what alternate reality is “metalwork” available to the average 11 year old. Or solo drama? Joinery could be handy - maybe I should just save up my IKea flatpacks for him.

You sound really controlling and unreasonable op. You wouldn't want someone else to tell you how to spend your free time.

For our family that is massively, massively strict. I allowed my boys to self regulate as I was allowed to decide how much time I spent on reading, or on a hand held game back in the 80's.
As long as homework and chores are done, meals attended and hopefully some form of hobby attended then it's their choice how they spend their leisure time. If Dh started ruining my Real Housewives and knitting binge by saying "it's a nice day, you should go for a walk" or "you're always watching tv, you should go and get a haircut instead" then I'd put him straight.

Sorry Barbarian, I thought you were being goady

Well we do metalwork (a la 12 year old, candleholders rather than the Eiffel Tower). Hell of a lot cheaper than his ps4 games (and yes he games too - just not 8 hours a day)

Mine doesn't game 8 hours a day either. When you say "we" metalwork day you mean you need to do it with him? Because that's a different kettle of fish to a game he can play solo. What is textiles, if I may be so bold?!

I think your new approach sounds sensible, op. Some kids can self-regulate computer games, some will play for so long they stay up all night and fall asleep in lessons the next day.

IMO, gaming is like sweet or fatty food. In sensible amounts it can be fun, sociable and for those who can control their intake there's no problem. However, with children it is usually a good idea to monitor or control their intake.

I have no children but hv just totted up how long my dh spends on his gaming 55 hours a week he works full time as well blimey

@ednclouda

Wow, just wow. Where does he find 55 hours a week for gaming?

The thing with online team gaming is that you can't just drop out mid-game without it wreckin it for the other players.A parallel would be the l goalie walkin off half way through a football match.This will understandably make him unpopular with his friends and maybe penalised on the game
Gaming has some very definite cognitive benefits as well as bein a way to relax and unwind.

No. I wish there were more parents like you. I'd say if he wants more time at the weekend he has to build it up from less time during the week. He may be bored when he's not on it, but you're doing the right thing for him in the long run.

Textiles = sewing of some kind. Could be anything from making clothes to cushion covers to fabric-y artworks to embroidery. Dneice was very into it as a teen and had a boyfriend who used to make costumes/props for the local drama group (mixture of fabric and paper mache and chickenwire). Obv it's not going to be for everyone, anymore than football is.

Thanks. Ds just doesn't have many "indoor pursuits" that he enjoys. I liked it back when he still did sticker albums like dh still does

You are suggesting an 11 yo boy swaps gaming for needlework?????
You don't know much about kids do you!

😂